Men take note: baldness, dad bods are beautiful

There were two important developments concerning male beauty standards this week.

The first was that bald men now have a global pageant. Prince William has been judged the world's sexiest baldy.

It was a reassuring message for all the men who might be sensitive about going thin on top. It says: bald is OK. It's distinguished. Sexy even.

The second development was also positive for men. More specifically, it was reassuring for those men who might feel self-conscious that they are getting older and maybe finding it harder to exercise regularly owing to buggered knees or demands on their time.

That reassurance? It's OK to be chubby. The world would like to put an arm around all the chubby blokes and let them know that everyone actually prefers the "dad bod".

They are gorgeous.

Blokes are fabulous at any age.

Who was actually consulted for these "studies" is unclear.

But, if any woman gave a nod to the dad bod, I'd suggest they were being very gracious.

Because, if these women grew up in the same world I did, they would have been bombarded from an early age about what standard their body/appearance must reach to be considered attractive.

Here's a sample of those standards: not chubby; defined waistline; lush hair (unless you look like Sinead O'Connor, but only when she was in her 20s); great skin with no lines, smooth, seamlessly hairless.

Older women might as well pack it in because, unlike male allure, female attractiveness apparently cuts off with any visible sign of aging. There's no point waiting for reassurance that you're OK in any way, shape or form. You might as well wait for John Laws to actually retire.

Women's beauty standards aren't allowed to slip. When they inevitably do, it will be noted.

But I've noticed that the men who are inclined to loudly announce what they consider to be a woman's physical flaws are "no oil paintings themselves", as my Nan used to say. The next time you get an unkind comment from a man aimed at your appearance, have a good look at him.

I guarantee he won't be a classy specimen.

The last time I was the subject of an unsolicited critique on an aspect of my appearance, I returned the dubious favour. I started at his obnoxious head and wrapped it up at his odd little feet. There was a lot to get through.

If the unwanted beauty advice is made online, I'd suggest having a dig around for a photo of the critic (Hint: it won't be his profile image, which will be of a fish, car or an inspirational quote from Warnie).

When you hit gold, you'll discover that the old mate who's judging you has a face like a dropped pie and a physique to match.

I'll bet a box of Four'N Twenty baked goods that the global winner of Sexiest Dad Bod will be named soon.

Let me guess. It will be Russell Crowe? ScoMo? Eddie McGuire? That bloke who was booted from Top Gear?

Ahh, who cares? I've had a gutful.

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