It’s easy to believe that most modern households are equitable between men and women — especially when it comes to personal finances. After all, women are a major part of the workforce, leading and innovating in meaningful ways. There’s a reason the “girlboss” aesthetic lingers on.
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Unfortunately, some tropes from the Mad Men-era also linger on — not just in workplace pay gaps, but in how financial decisions are made in the home.
A recent study on attitudes toward money and wealth, conducted by GOBankingRates and New York Life, uncovered a troubling trend: When asked how financial decisions are made in their homes, more women identified as shared decision-makers, while men were significantly more likely to say they held full control over household finances.
It’s not an arrangement many financial advisors would be pleased with. Leaving one person solely in charge of the money can be a recipe for financial deception or disaster — not to mention a strain on a marriage. GOBankingRates spoke with experts about why financial decision-making should be a shared effort.
It Sets One Partner Up for Disaster
There’s an obvious reason not to leave one partner in charge of all the financial decision-making: If that person dies or the relationship ends in divorce, the partner who has given up their financial power could very well be left in the lurch. Beyond losing their spouse’s income, they may have also abdicated their own responsibility to learn and practice basic money management.
When survey respondents were asked to rank their agreement with the statement “I regularly read financial news or financial publications,” with 1 meaning “doesn’t describe me at all” and 10 meaning, “describes me perfectly,” only 7.98% of women chose a 10, compared to 11.82% of men. More concerningly, 26.35% of women ranked their response as a 1, compared to 13.83% of men.
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Victoria Kirilloff, CDFA®, NCPM®, CDS®, a family financial mediator and founder of Divorce Analytics, said she’s seen many people end up in bad situations because they handed over too much financial power to their partner. She said it’s essential for both partners in a relationship to understand their total marital assets and how much their lifestyle costs.
“Normally in these traditional marriages the non-financially savvy spouse is the woman and the man takes on the role of chief financial officer, which can work great while he’s alive or if they stay married,” she said. “But what happens if he steps on God’s bus unexpectedly or he’s caught cheating on the Jumbotron at a Coldplay concert? She’s left in a world of hurt. Not only does she have to deal with the emotional loss of her husband, but also has to jump headfirst into understanding the family finances.”
Equitable Financial Decision-Making Can Make Marriages Stronger
Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, works with couples to help them avoid divorce. Together with his wife Rivka, he founded the Marriage Restoration Project. Through his work, he’s seen how financial transparency can strengthen a relationship — and how secrecy or imbalance can erode it.
“In our work with couples, we often see that when one partner is the sole financial decision-maker, it creates emotional and relational strain over time,” he said. “Even in loving marriages, this dynamic can erode trust, increase resentment, and leave the other partner feeling disempowered or disconnected.”
When a spouse is left out of financial conversations and only gains visibility during a crisis like an illness, separation, or other financial setback, the emotional toll can be profound. It can even set the stage for a full relationship breakdown, Slatkin warns.
And it’s not as if women who aren’t leading or co-leading finances are immune from money worries. In the same survey, women and men responded similarly to the statement “Thinking about my future sometimes keeps me up at night.” Among women, 15.17% ranked their anxiety at a 10; 13.43% of men did the same. Given women’s slightly higher levels of stress here, it makes sense for their own emotional health — and the strength of their marriages — to be included in financial decision-making.
“An equitable financial partnership doesn’t mean splitting every task, but it does mean shared access, shared goals, and shared conversations,” said Slatkin. “Couples thrive when both partners feel empowered to participate in important money discussions and shared visions for their joint financial future are key.”
Building a Joint Effort Is Easier Than You Think
Leaving a communication gap on such a critical topic can erode both joy and trust, while also creating a sense of burden and obligation in the partner managing the money alone.
Brian Page, M.Ed., accredited financial counselor®, Fair Play® Domestic Labor Specialist, and founder of Modern Husbands, has seen this firsthand in his work with couples.
“Research has found that being the money manager was associated with higher levels of perceived couple financial stress,” he said. “And this association remained consistent when controlling for perceived financial well-being.”
In other words: It’s not easy being the only one holding the purse strings. While it might look like one partner has the power, being the sole decision-maker can actually be an exhausting burden.
“Equitable partners use their combined financial resources and talents to construct a life together,” Page said. “They set goals together, build a budget as a team, and hold regular money dates to keep each other informed.”
Looking to build a legacy? Check out our Life to Legacy guide for expert advice and smart moves you can make today.
GOBankingRates and New York Life Insurance surveyed 1,009 Americans aged 18 and older from across the country between March 19 and March 25, 2025, asking twenty-one different questions: (1) What is your current employment status?; (2) Which of the following category or categories best describes your race or ethnicity? (If more than one category applies, please select all that apply); (3) What are the source(s) of income for your household? (Please select all that apply); (4) Please choose the approximate level of investible assets for your household; (5) Using the scale below, how do you feel about the following statement: “I often take the opportunity to discuss my knowledge of financial products or services with others”; (6) Using the scale below, how do you feel about the following statement: “I regularly read financial news or financial publications”; (7) Using the scale below, how do you feel about the following statement: “Thinking about my future sometimes keeps me up at night”; (8) Using the scale below, how do you feel about the following statement: “I have enough money to live the way I would like to”; (9) Using the scale below, how do you feel about the following statement: “I believe that The American dream is within reach for people like me”; (10) Using the scale below, how do you feel about the following statement: “Stories in the media sometimes make me nervous about my financial future”; (11) Using the scale below, how do you feel about the following statement: “I can’t really take risks in my life because I don’t have a safety net if things go wrong”; (12) Thinking about the nation’s economy, how would you rate economic conditions today?; (13) A year from now, do you think that during the next twelve months we’ll have good times financially, or bad times, or what?; (14) Compared to 6 months ago, how has your level of uncertainty changed regarding the following societal and economic issues?; (15) Do you own any of the following products? (Please select all that apply); (16) Do you currently have a financial plan?; (17) On a 1 to 10 scale, where 1 means not at all confident and 10 means completely confident, how confident are you that you will meet your financial goals?; (18) What kind of financial professional have you worked with? (Please select all that apply); (19) Using the slider below, please indicate which statement best describes you.; (20) Using the slider below, please indicate which statement best describes you.; and (21) Using the slider below, please indicate which statement best describes you. In order to take the survey the respondents had to pass two screener questions (S1)
Who is the primary financial decision-maker in your household? with the answer being they were at least involved in the households financial decision making and (S2) Which range best describes your total annual household income before taxes? with an answer above $50K. GOBankingRates used PureSpectrum’s survey platform to conduct the poll.
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This article originally appeared on GOBankingRates.com: Men Still Lead in Household Money Decisions — 3 Reasons It Should Be a Joint Effort
