1. Have you ever felt the need to call in sick because you were having a bad hair day?
a) Never.
b) No, but I sometimes wish I could.
c) I’m bald; every day is a bad hair day.
d) Once, but my hair was actually on fire.
2. Which of the following examples would you consider to be a career-impairing wardrobe malfunction?
a) Missing out a belt loop in the morning, and spending the whole day feeling that something isn’t quite right.
b) Wearing the exact same shirt as my boss, and him saying: “Hey, nice shirt.”
c) Going to the office in a Chelsea strip, when the new supervisor turns out to be an Arsenal fan.
d) Putting on my “Tolkien Spolkien Here” T-shirt inside out, so no one realised how much I love spolkien Tolkien.
3. Which of the following best expresses your approach to dressing for work?
a) I just put on a suit every day; it’s one less decision I have to make.
b) I wear what’s comfortable. It’s a call centre, not a catwalk.
c) I wear the same thing all week – jeans and a T-shirt – but I wash both at the end of every month.
d) If you put your shoes on the right feet first time, it’s gonna be a good day.
4. Are you ever made to feel embarrassed about your appearance at work?
a) No, if people don’t like the way I look, that’s their problem.
b) Yes, I don’t like colleagues seeing my “Satan Rules” tattoo, because it actually says “Santa Rules”.
c) Yes, but I obviously didn’t realise I still had my cycle helmet on during the meeting.
d) No, the onesie covers a multitude of sins.
5. When you last had a job where your immediate superior was female, how did she make you feel about your appearance?
a) She didn’t care, as long as I did my job properly.
b) She never said anything, but I’m pretty sure she hated my shoes.
c) Whenever I wore shorts to work, she’d make some snarky little comment, such as: “It’s February!”
d) She was incredibly picky about every aspect of my appearance – right coloured trousers, shirt tucked in, no stains etc. Although that may have just been Pizza Hut policy.
6. Given your experience, what is the best advice you could give to men looking to get ahead in the workplace?
a) Looking presentable every day shows you’re organised, eager to impress and possessed of an eye for detail. That can’t be bad.
b) Don’t think too much about your appearance; keep your mind on the job, and you’ll be fine.
c) If you think hardhat hair is bad, try concussion.
d) You may think no one can tell they’re pyjama bottoms, but they have their ways.
Answers
Mostly a) You care enough to put your best foot forward, even though it doesn’t really matter.
Mostly b) Your looks aren’t an issue at work. Congratulations on being a man.
Mostly c) You appearance probably isn’t holding you back at work, but it is everywhere else.
Mostly d) You have a job. Don’t complain.
