Melvyn Bragg has claimed that the country is getting more serious, on the basis that more and more people are attending literary festivals. “Now that millions of people have gone to university, but have focused on a couple of subjects, the idea of getting a spread of knowledge is attractive,” he said. Now, it could be argued that while Bragg sees the country as an increasingly serious place, that is probably because it is in his interest to see the country as an increasingly serious place. The rest of us, meanwhile, are down here in the dirt marvelling at how profoundly stupid the country is. To prove it, allow me to present some reasons why we are definitely not getting more serious:
One of the most talked-about television shows at the moment is Strictly Come Dancing, a show about famous people dancing.
The other one is about some nice cakes.
Speaking of which, a journalist recently watched every episode of the latter to see how many times one of its judges shook hands with people.
No 3 in the UK Top 40 is a song called I Love It, which Kanye West recently performed on Saturday Night Live while dressed as a great big bottle of fizzy water.
Telford Exotic Zoo has just had to fill its penguin enclosure with fake penguins, because it couldn’t find any real ones.
Poundland has novelty Elvis Presley-themed self-service checkouts.
According to Smyths, one of the top Christmas toy trends this year will be a plastic unicorn named Poopsie that poos slime out of its bottom.
The new Debenhams advertising slogan – Do a Bit of Debenhams – makes it sound more like a recreational drug than your least favourite department store.
Urban Outfitters is selling a £45 “Instagram Influencer” Halloween costume that is utterly indistinguishable from anything that Urban Outfitters normally sells.
Meanwhile, an Ewok Halloween costume for dogs is flying off the shelves.
The hot viral song of our age is called Baby Shark and goes “Baby shark / Doo doo doo doo doo doo / Baby shark / Doo doo doo doo doo doo / Baby shark / Doo doo doo doo doo doo / Baby shark”.
A seal slapped a kayaker with an octopus, and it made the news.
One of the hottest trends at the moment involves using your hair as a vase.
A boy recently injured himself copying a YouTube stunt that involved sitting on a playground roundabout that was being powered by the back wheel of a motorbike.
Many people voted for Brexit because a bus told us to.
Even though the world is going to hell, a well-respected British newspaper inexplicably found space for an article about all this rubbish.
