Preposterous and unforeseeable as it may seem, it is beginning to look as if Stephen Belafonte - the guy Mel B secretly married at some point during the riot of paternity-suit-bringing, Eddie-Murphy-baiting, and dignified-silence-breaking that has comprised her last few months - is something of a cad.
Last week it emerged that the film producer did not contest a spousal assault case brought in 2003 by his erstwhile wife and mother of his child, and had subsequently been forced to enrol in a domestic violence programme.
This week, it is the turn of the avian community to offer Cassandra-like warnings to the Spice Girl, with news that her husband is wanted by police for killing a duck.
According to a court spokeswoman from Ocean County, New Jersey, Stephen admitted bludgeoning a mallard to death with a brick outside his former home, but fled to LA without paying a $600 fine. "He will be arrested if her returns to the area," she continues, suggesting that New Jersey's policing resources are sufficiently freed-up to be able to devote time to apprehending every two-bit, Hollywood-or-bust warmshot who thinks he can get away with failing to make good on the costs of his avicide. Thank God they don't have an organised crime problem.
As for Mel, Lost in Showbiz wishes her all the best, but fears her marriage is starting to lose the battle for hearts and minds. Let's face it: her rebound spouse is starting to make Eddie Murphy look like quite the Linda McCartney in all of this.
