As so often, Lost in Showbiz finds itself disappointed by this week's Hello magazine, whose cover claim that "Mel B opens her heart and tells us EVERYTHING" promised so much.
Admittedly, the Spice Girl is moved to set the record straight on the wife-beating conviction that has threatened to take the shine off her new husband, Stephen Belafonte.
"If you read those police reports," she explains, "they never say he physically beat up a woman."
Mm. By all accounts they say "spousal assault" - but then, which of us packs a thesaurus on our honeymoon?
Far more distressingly, despite that promise to reveal all, Mel's interview contains nothing - nothing! - on the fact her husband is on the run for avicide, leaving us to conclude that she will be stringing out the open heart surgery for every last week this bizarre fillip permits.
