Meghan Markle has revealed she suffered suicidal thoughts as she opened up on her struggles with mental health during the bombshell Oprah Winfrey interview.
The Duke and Duchess of Sussex sat down with the talk show host during two-hour chat as opened up on their time in the Royal Family, which aired in the UK tonight.
Meghan claimed she told a senior Palace official that she wanted to get help, but was denied support as it "wouldn't look good."
She revealed she had suicidal thoughts during her time in the Royal Family, saying she "thought it would have solved everything for everyone".
The ex-Suits actress opened up on her battle with depression and her difficult conversation with husband Prince Harry when she told him she didn't want to live, who she says 'just cradled her'.
“I didn’t want to be alive anymore,” she recalls.
She said she was "ashamed" to admit it at the time but "knew that if she didn't say it she would do it".
Meghan also says it was a "real and frightening and constant thought" but that Prince Harry "cradled her".
The ex-Suits actress said she felt so low at one point that she told husband Harry that she feared being left alone out of fear she might harm herself.
When Oprah asks her directly if she was "thinking of harming herself or having suicidal thoughts" Meghan replies "yes".
She claims she asked one of the "most senior" people if she could get help but was told it wouldn't be good for the institution.
During the interview, she described one distressing time when she was attending a concert at the Royal Albert Hall after telling Harry she “didn’t want to be alive.”
She said: “We had to go to this event after I told Harry I didn't want to be alive any more. In the pictures, I see how tightly his knuckles are gripped around mine.
“We are smiling, doing our job. In the Royal Box, when the lights went off, I was just weeping.”
"I was really ashamed to have to say it at the time and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry especially, but I knew that if I didn't say that I would do it.
“I just didn't want to be alive any more."
She said photographs of the event "haunt" her.
Meghan also revealed she reached out to one of Princess Diana's friends for help.
If you are struggling and need to talk, the Samaritans operates a free helpline open 24/7 on 116 123. Alternatively, you can email jo@samaritans.org if you'd prefer to write down your feelings or don't wish to be overheard
- Watch the full interview on ITV at 9pm on Monday night and on ITV Hub, Courtesy of Harpo Productions/CBS.
