When I told my friend Malcolm that I was going to write a piece for a national newspaper, basically about wetting myself, he found it so funny he went red in the face and looked as if he was choking on an olive. He couldn’t believe that anyone would actually own up to that, and definitely not in such a public way. He said that if I wrote it, I’d forever be The Face of Incontinence. So, hi there, here we are.
There’s always been a sort of in-joke among women of a certain age about letting “a bit of wee out” when we exert ourselves. We must be careful if we do anything too adventurous, such as bounce on a trampoline or laugh too hard because – cheeky look and a wink to camera – we might do a little wee. Even a cough or a sneeze could be high risk for those over 40.
For many like me, having children and turning a blind eye to pelvic floor exercises (god, so boring, right?) could well be the reason that my pants started growing damper by the day – but according to a bunch of stats and graphs, it’s just as likely that it was my age. Between the ages of 40 and 50 there’s a sharp rise in women buying incontinence products, whether they’re mothers or not. But unlike the embracing of our monthly cycles – and, of late, every middle-aged influencer proud to wear the perimenopause badge – wetting ourselves (or more specifically “bladder leakage”) still isn’t something we’re keen to shout about.
Like a total cliche, my experience of uncomfortably damp underwear began when I hit 40, but thanks to a big dollop of denial it’s only recently that I’ve found myself buying incontinence pads, which, like magic, rectified the situation.
I’m not a squirter (words I never thought I’d be putting my name to), I’m fine on a trampoline (we have one of those monstrosities in the garden for the six-year-old) and I’m yet to wee myself when I cough, sneeze or laugh. I’m more of a steady leaker. I’d put on dry pants in the morning but within a few hours they’d be soggy enough to benefit from changing. The irony is not lost on me that for years I’d been carrying around fresh knickers in my bag in case my daughter had an accident, but when she was wee-free, they’d been replaced by my own spares.
Swapping into a dry pair of knickers at around midday was becoming routine until an unfortunate incident at a playdate when the dad of my daughter’s friend had to prize a damp pair I’d squirrelled away in my bag from the jaws of their nosy Rhodesian ridgeback. Not ideal. Time to do something about it ...
So now I’m embracing being one of the women in the stats – and celebrating not having to change my pants at lunchtime. Although I’ll be honest, the first time I took a packet of TENA up to the till I was pretty mortified. I felt seen. And judged. And mocked. I was convinced the cashier was thinking: “Look at Old Lady Pee Pants! She’s clearly weeing herself right now! She smells of wee!” Except she wasn’t thinking any of that. She was more likely wondering why I’d handed her my child’s library card instead of my Boots Advantage.
According to a study by TENA, bladder leakage is a key concern for women when it comes to ageing and something we assume will negatively affect our lives. Because it’s embarrassing, right? Old people pee themselves. And really, really drunk people. But you know what? It’s not embarrassing. It’s actually very common. And at 43 I’m definitely not an old person (nor am I currently really, really drunk. I’m saving that for tonight, it is a weekend after all).
Which is why (looking at you, Malcolm) I’m taking one for the team and shouting about it, because if it makes one more person feel a bit more OK and realise that dry knickers really don’t have to be a thing of the past, I’m happy to be The Face of Incontinence.
Men and women can suffer from urine leakage. It’s time to break the stigma surrounding incontinence so everyone can enjoy life to the full. Find out more at tena.co.uk
