I have always enjoyed being single but recently I've realised that I would actually quite like not to be any more. I'd like to have someone I can come home to, someone to snuggle up to. It's the soppy side of things I'm after. Often I go places and it's a little bit coupley which makes me feel I'd like to have that, too. I'm not exactly pining or actively searching but by the time I'm 35 I would like to have children with another woman, which means probably being in a relationship by the time I'm 30.
Gay life operates around "the scene" which takes place in clubs and pubs, but I'm not into that. I look miserable in a club and am not very approachable. So I rely on meeting people through friends. Of course there are fewer choices like this, but there are fewer anyway if you're gay. If you accept the statistic that 10% of people are gay, that means 90% aren't interested even before you begin. Unlike heterosexuals, you can't assume most people are like you, so the chance of my meeting someone at work, for example, is slim.
If I bump into someone I quite fancy in the street, before I can even think whether she fancies me back, I have to ask myself: "Is she gay?" So I always have to jump that hurdle first. I've met bits of the right person but I want them all rolled into one.
Over the past couple of years, I've come out to more or less everyone (thanks to having friends and a supportive family), though obviously each time I go into a new situation I have to begin all over again. I don't think being out makes meeting someone any easier but it does mean that at least everyone knows the kind of person I'm interested in.
A couple of years ago, I placed an ad in a newspaper with a gay friend. He wrote my ad and I wrote his - it seemed easier to be honest that way. I remember he said something about my loving life, which people responded to. I didn't follow up any of the replies because at the time it was just a bit of fun, but if I'm still searching in the future, I wouldn't rule out doing it more seriously.
My social life revolves around my friends, who are mostly gay men and lesbians, plus some straight women. We get together for dinner and recently I went on a girlie weekend to Europe. We hired an apartment and did a few cultural things, as well as a few drunken things!
What with my friends and my work, my life is extremely full and I know if I had a relationship I'd have to make space for it. Living alone makes you a bit selfish and I'd have to adjust. What I like about being single is the irresponsibility of it. I can do whatever I want, when I want. I don't have to ring anyone to say I'm not coming home. Not having to negotiate things with someone is great. But if I met the right person I'd be willing to sacrifice all that.
Carol Slesser, 50 An executive coach working in career and confidence building.
Single women my age are in a strong position these days because there are a lot of men out there: widowers, divorced men and people like me who've never married. My main place for meeting new people is at ceroc nights. Ceroc is a blend of jive and salsa, and what's great about it is that there are always more men than women. It's also acceptable for women to ask men to dance.
I adore it. Usually I try things and get bored but not with ceroc. It's fun, it's good for the soul and it's somewhere you can go on your own and not be dependent on anyone - 81% of people who do ceroc are single.
In the past I've tried dinner clubs but they were expensive and felt like cattle markets. Ceroc is an interest, not a club, and a place where you meet real quality people such as lawyers, lecturers and surgeons.
Once or twice I've tried advertising in papers, too, but that's never worked. Even if you specify that you don't want anyone married, married men still answer, saying they're alone in town during the week. I hate pubs and clubs, and at this stage of my life I'd never go there to pick someone up.
When you get over 35, the internet is a very acceptable way of meeting men and I like the fact that you're in control. If someone emails me with their number, I always call them first so I can hear what their voice sounds like. It's the best way of sifting through the replies. I've met some very interesting people through the internet - usually professional and middle-income - but I've never actually had a relationship with someone.
Last year I met a lovely 50-year-old man with his own business who was a wonderful person but just not for me, so I introduced him to a friend instead. I went to their wedding last month. Being single can be a bit like pass the parcel!
I've been on solo holidays, too, which are ideal if you don't want to go away on your own, but they've never led to a relationship because the women are usually of a higher calibre than the men. I also go to the opera and ballet, and I like entertaining my friends. Sometimes I go on courses, too. The other day I went on a fabulous one about happiness and laughter.
I've had a number of serious relationships in my life and a couple that have lasted a little over three years. Although I'm single now, for the first time in my life I've got a number of male friends. They are all people I've had relationships with but have now become good friends which is lovely.
I've reached a stage and an age at which I'm not desperately seeking a relationship. It'll happen if it happens. But I'm not like a lot of my friends who have given up and can't be bothered any more. I don't believe someone will come knocking on the door. In business, as well as socially, you've got to make your own map in this world.
Christina Sesay, 40s A bridalwear designer who makes and sells individual dresses.
When I was a few years younger, I would go out with the express intention of meeting people, but now I go out to be with my friends and to have a good time. I go to bars or for meals in people's houses, and I go to the gym. I don't like being at home too many nights in a row: home is somewhere to come back to.
About once every two weeks I go dancing at a soul and funk club. It's full of people my age who go there because they enjoy the music, not because they're off their heads on drugs. I don't necessarily go to chat or pick someone up, though it can happen.
I advertised to meet someone once but it was a jokey thing I did with a girlfriend. We even had men who were married answering the ad. My guess is that it's the same group of guys doing the rounds. We arranged to meet two of them but either they didn't turn up or they were the two old men in the corner who had lied about their age! I wouldn't do it again.
It's dreadful if people start to get hysterical about being single. I heard of one woman once who was invited to a dinner party with only couples and when she realised, she got up and walked out. A good meal would not make me leave the table!
The trouble is, you don't meet men when you design bridalwear. I sometimes wonder if that's the reason why I'm still single - a lot of people meet their partners through work, after all.
When I hit my mid-30s, a strong maternal urge took hold of me and I really wanted to get married and to have a baby - but it wasn't to be. It made me a bit hysterical for a while but once I had come to terms with it, I just got on with my life and thought about getting a dog instead.
I've never been married and I've never lived with anyone but I have had plenty of relationships, so if I'm honest there must be a part of me that is frightened of commitment. My predicament is that I meet men who are younger than me. It's fine to start with but the problem comes when you want something more serious and they're not ready.
It's not that I don't like men - I think I like men better the older I get because I'm not trying to make a man like a girlfriend any more. Recently I've been much more comfortable about myself and I've stopped wondering when Mr Perfect will turn up.
I've had many relationships over the years and enjoyed all of them. I believe that as a woman gets older, she should have a good sex life because it holds back the menopause. In some ways I feel really lucky being single because it means I've had the longest youth you can imagine.
Lesley Leigh, 34 In the second year of a complementary therapies degree.
I have never gone out searching for a partner. I've seen too many people standing there with a big neon sign over their head and a desperate look on their face. It frightens the life out of me and I've vowed I'll never be like that. I find the idea of dinner clubs, ads and dating agencies all rather amusing. It's fine for other people but it's not the level I work at.
Although I'm not out looking for someone, it doesn't mean I lead a boring life. I have a lot of good friends and try to do loads of different things. Diversity is the spice of life.
I'd like a relationship, but I can't be doing with mind games any more. The will-he-won't-he aspect of a relationship can really knock your confidence. I want someone who is comfortable and open with me.
I have an 11-year-old daughter and obviously having a child makes a difference. If I were in a relationship, the man would have to take Kady on board, too. If he didn't like children it wouldn't go anywhere because she is part and parcel of who I am.
I have one very good male friend I used to go out with all the time, until he moved up north. Now I only see him a couple of times a month and I miss him a lot. We're as close as two friends can be and tend to do what most couples do - go to pubs, clubs and cinemas. There's an element of safety when you've got a man with you. We have this thing, too, where he'll point out someone and say "He's attractive" or "He's watching you" and I'll do the same to him about a woman.
I have a network of close and reliable friends. We all go out in a group, but recently it's got a bit boring going to the same pub all the time, so now we try to organise something different each time. It's nice if someone new comes along as it adds a bit of spice.
I don't usually get lonely, but sometimes I can feel a bit sorry for myself if I haven't organised something to do or I've had one of those days that starts out on a high and ends on a low. The sort of day you just want someone to come home to.
I used to go to the West End a lot with my friend but it doesn't have such a pull any more. Everyone seems to be getting younger and I think to myself: "I was like that 10 years ago." Part of me would like to be like that again but the mature side of me says: "You've done that and you didn't really enjoy it, so what makes you think 12 years later it'll be any better?"
I don't like going to pubs where there are only people in their 20s. A few months ago a 22-year-old chap got chatting to me and he found it very hard to comprehend that a 33-year-old woman with an 11-year-old child might be there just to have a dance and not be out looking for someone.
I'm quite surprised I've been single for five years, but I certainly don't mind. It suits my life at the moment and I'm not stressed about meeting someone. If it happens, it happens.
