Hating the St Louis Cardinals has become as big a part of being a baseball fan over the past decade as peanuts, Cracker Jacks, overpriced beer and assuming everyone who hits more than 40 home runs is on steroids. In fact, maybe even more so; millions of people are allergic to peanuts, but hating the Cardinals is easy and natural for all.
For those somehow unaware of the reasoning behind hating the Cardinals, the far-and-away best team in baseball, there are three main components:
- The Cardinals and their fans seem to think the franchise has some innate knowledge about how to play baseball that no other organization possesses: “The Cardinal Way.”
- The Cardinals and their fans, despite all of the team’s talent, seem to believe the franchise has the market cornered on scrappiness and grit and heart and other baseball cliches and immeasurables.
- The Cardinals win.
There’s a fourth component - that St Louis are staunch advocates of baseball’s “unwritten rules” - but that’s unfair to lay at the feet of the Cardinals. The same fans who complain one day about the Cardinals and baseball’s “code,” the next day want their own team to start a brawl because someone got hit by a pitch or flipped a bat. We don’t need unwritten rules to hate the Cardinals. The first three reasons written above are enough.
But are they even fair?
Let’s take the last one first. The Cardinals win. That’s true, whether your like it or not (not). St Louis have made the playoffs 11 of the past 15 years. This season they became the first MLB team in seven years to reach 50 wins by the 75th game of the season. The Cardinals have the best record in baseball by a mile. So let’s not pretend that Cardinals-loathing would be anywhere near the same level that it is today if the team were mostly irrelevant like the Padres or Indians. No one hates those teams. Rooting against bad teams is like hoping the least popular kid in school gets beaten up. It’s mean. We hate the Cardinals because they’re good. We have to at least admit that. (Know that you can admit this truth AND still punch anyone who says the phrase, “They hate us because they ain’t us,” squarely in the mouth that said that horrible phrase.)
But the other two reasons: that “The Cardinal Way” is superior and that the franchise is a scrappy underdog ... there’s nothing to those, right? Right?!
I ... I’m sorry, but I don’t really know anymore. It’s not a stretch to call the Cardinals an underdog. I’m sorry, but it’s not. This isn’t a big market team that just buys all the top free agents. Entering the season, the Cardinals were not in the Top 10 in baseball in payroll. They then lost ace Adam Wainwright, the team’s highest-paid player, for the season to injury just three weeks into the season. Starting first baseman Matt Adams has been out a month, and will be out two or three more, with a quadriceps tear. Matt Holliday is on the DL. And the team’s front office is being investigated by the friggin’ FBI. How has all of that actual adversity affected the players? They’ve got better every month so far this season and are on pace for 110 wins. I’m sorry, but the 2015 St Louis Cardinals are an underdog story.
“But the Cardinal Way, thing ... there’s nothing to that, right? Please!” Why? Why isn’t there? I can’t explain it away anymore. It seems every minor leaguer the Cardinals bring up eventually contributes in a big way, from highly-touted prospects like Kolten Wong to lightly-regarded players like Matt Carpenter who look like substitute music teachers. Do the Cardinals provide better instruction throughout the system than other teams do? Well, from the era of Tony LaRussa, Jim Edmonds, Mark McGwire and Mike Matheny (the player), to the modern team of Mike Matheny (the manager), Yadier Molina, Holliday and Carpenter, the Cardinals just win. Winning simply is [dry heaves] the Cardinals way.
I know this is a terrible reality that I’m asking you to face: but the St Louis Cardinals may very well be everything their fans say they are. You don’t have to like the team for it. In fact, feel free to hate them even more for making us all choke on their superiority. But I, at least, have grown to begrudgingly respect them. Ugh.
Worst of all, I fear there are Cardinals fans standing right now and politely applauding my admission. Please stop it, you wholesome people. I’m asking nicely. The right way. The Cardinal Way.
Quote of the Week
Strop is on his way out, pointing toward the heavens. We can only ask, or wonder, that he is asking some departed relative for forgiveness for this atrocious performance.
Bob Costas, MLB Network broadcaster, as Cubs reliever Pedro Strop departed after giving up a run in a relief performance Friday night.
That was cold-blooded for Costas to reference dead relatives after a reliever gave up a single run in a late-June baseball game. It makes you wonder if the long-time broadcaster lacks the capacity for empathy. When you consider that empathy is controlled by the brain’s anterior insular cortex – and that the anterior insular cortex is located almost exactly between the eyes and the occipital lobe, which processes sight – you can only assume that Costas’ severe pink eye infection has spread into his brain and is slowly dissolving his ability to think and feel. Someone get the man some help before he further embarrasses his departed relatives.
Stat of the Week
5-6 Clayton Kershaw, who has won three of the last four National League Cy Young awards, is now 5-6 on the season after “losing” his third consecutive start Saturday night. Kershaw gave up one earned run in seven innings, struck out nine and walked none to pick up the loss. During his last three games, he has a 3.15 ERA, a 0.95 WHIP and 28 strikeouts in 20 innings. Despite all that, based on official baseball statistics, he can be defined as a “loser” - three times over.
The Dodger ace is a near-unanimous pick by anyone who knows anything about baseball as the best pitcher of his era. But if his bad luck continues, Kershaw has a shot at 15 or 20 losses this season - while striking out nearly 300 batters and posting a sub-3.00 ERA. All of this is why we must continue to root for him to lose. A pitcher as great as Kershaw leading the league in losses could be enough for baseball to finally see the light and do away with the non-sensical pitcher “win” and “loss” stats forever. It’s nothing personal, Mr. Kershaw. But for the good of the sport of baseball, we’re going to need you to lose every start for the rest of the season. Thanks.
This Week’s Horrible Fantasy Team That Crushed Your Team
Wilin Rosario, 1B, Rockies - 9-for-16, HR, 4 RBI, SB
Ben Revere, OF, Phillies - 11-for-20, HR, 3 RBI, SB
Nick Hundley, C, Rockies - 8-for-16, HR, 4 RBI, SB
Logan Forsythe, 2B, Rays - 11-for-22, HR, RBI, 2 SB
Wade Miley, P, Red Sox - 12.1 innings, 1 win, 10 strikeouts, 1.46 ERA
Kyle Gibson, P, Twins - 11.2 innings, 1 win, 9 strikeouts, 3.09 ERA
Reader Twitter Question of the Week
@DJGalloEtc have you actually ever heard a pitcher who paints the corners called a "Rembrandt"?
— Head Coach's Wife! (@CoachsWifeASU) June 28, 2015
This ad has bothered me all season, as well.
I don’t recall once hearing a pitcher who can “paint the corners” referred to as a “Rembrandt.” I’ve maybe heard such a pitcher referred to as a “Picasso,” but it’s definitely not a frequently-used term, as the commercial implies. But the ad seems so sure of the “Rembrandt” thing that I began to doubt myself. “Maybe that is a common term,” I thought. “Maybe I actually don’t know baseball as well as I’d like to think I do.”
But then I became confident in myself again when I remembered an eternal baseball truth: when it comes to communicating about baseball, truck companies are the absolute worst (and stuff).
Phillies-ness of the Week
Yes, Ryne Sandberg resigned this week from the only Major League managerial job he’s ever had. Yes, this is especially embarrassing for the Phillies because they’re so bad they made Ryne Sandberg quit.
The Phils are so bad, a guy who spent 20 years as a Cub couldn't take it anymore
— jsaquella (@jsaquella) June 26, 2015
But when it comes to memorable Phillies moments of the week, it’s hard to top Sunday’s adventures by outfielder and star reliever Jeff Francouer.
Jeff Francoeur having trouble throwing the ball https://t.co/00OemKaZGG
— Ben Celestino (@bencelestino) June 28, 2015
Thankfully, Sandberg doesn’t have to witness that sort of thing anymore because he is in a better place. (Not heaven. I don’t mean to imply he’s dead. He just not in Philadelphia, which is very much like heaven in that it’s not Philadelphia.)
Cubs World Series Odds: Dropping Fast
The Cubs lost their weekend series to the Cardinals, a team they’d like to consider their rivals and equals. Star rookies Kris Bryant and Addison Russell are slumping. The team has fallen out of “if the playoffs started today, we’d be in them” status. And respected broadcasters are telling national TV audiences that the team is disgracing dead family members. If and when the 2015 Cubs season ends like every other Cubs season, this is probably the week that we’ll be able to point to and say: “Yep. That’s when they became the Cubs again.”
A-Rod-ness of the Week
Houston starter Brett Oberholtzer drilled A-Rod with a pitch Saturday night after New York’s Chris Young hit a two-run home run. Oberholtzer was immediately ejected from the game. Yes, ejected from the game for hitting Alex Rodriguez. He was not applauded by the umpiring crew. He was not given a special commendation by the commissioner’s office. He did not receive a call of thanks from President Obama or get offered a large cash award by Brian Cashman. He was ejected - and then demoted to Triple-A. It’s clear that the rehabilitation of A-Rod’s image may be nearing completion.
10 Things I Think I Think I’d Think I Think
1) With the revelation this week that Pete Rose bet on baseball as a player (note: this was only a “revelation” to people who oddly believed Pete Rose’s denial that he bet on baseball as a player), debate has begun anew about whether Rose should be in the Hall of Fame. But the entire Rose-HOF question has always been too myopic.
Major League Baseball sells beer, wine and liquor at its games. Its stadiums are covered in advertisements for beer. Chewing tobacco has long been used by players during games. Alcohol and tobacco, to my knowledge, are considered to be “vices” just like gambling. Baseball also has an official daily fantasy game partner in Draft Kings. Daily fantasy games are played for real money and are very much gambling. Baseball also turned a blind eye to PED use for at least a decade. Alcohol, tobacco, gambling, drugs. The question everyone is asking shouldn’t be: “Should Pete Rose be in the Baseball Hall of Fame?” The question should be: “Should baseball be in the Baseball Hall of Fame?”
2) Pete Mackanin is the Phillies’ interim manager. This is the third time he’s had an interim managerial job. In 2003 in Pittsburgh, he took over for the fired Lloyd McLendon, and in 2007 in Cincinnati, he took over when Jerry Narron got canned. Mackanin is starting to have the feel of the husband whose first three wives all died under mysterious circumstances. What exactly are you up to, Mackanin?!?!
3) Regardless of what anyone says, Giancarlo Stanton’s broken wrist is not proof that the Marlins signing him to a 13-year, $325m guaranteed contract was foolish. That contract is foolish all by itself. And so ends the closest I will ever get to defending Jeffrey Loria.
4) Baseball threw out 65m votes last week for the All-Star Game that are considered to be fraudulent. The expectation was that the canceled votes would make a big difference on the AL roster, which had seven Royals slated to start. But nothing changed. There are still seven Royals on pace to being elected as starters, only Eric Hosmer is no longer in the lead at first (Kansas City’s Omar Infante moved into the lead at second to keep the Royal number at seven.) As far as I can tell, this means Eric Hosmer has 65m relatives. TLC may have found a replacement for the Duggars.
5) The US Senior Open ended Sunday with Jeff Maggert winning. The existence and relative popularity of a sports organization that solely features players too old to compete at the highest level is baffling to me. But the old-man golf tournament did remind me that there once existed something called the Senior Professional Baseball Association. Founded in 1989, the winter baseball league was based in Florida and featured players 35 and older. A 43-year old Rollie Fingers played in the league, as did a 41-year old Dave Kingman and a 47-year old Bert Campaneris, who stole 16 bases. The SPBA folded after a single season, while golf’s Champions Tour is now in its 35th year. It’s baffling. Maybe the SPBA would work better if it was 50-and-over like senior golf? I know I’d be happy to watch Albert Pujols continue to rake in the MLB offseason.
6) Mets starter Steven Matz made his major league debut Sunday and pitched 7.2 strong innings in a 7-2 win. Perhaps even more impressive, he went 3-for-3 with a double and four RBIs. When the final history of baseball is written, an entire chapter will be dedicated to Bartolo Colon, Steven Matz and the 2015 Mets keeping the DH out of the National League. It will also probably be the only chapter in the book that mentions the Mets.
7) This week’s example that baseball has too many stats: on Sunday, Giants ace Madison Bumgarner became the fifth pitcher since World War Two to hit a home run in the same game he recorded his 1,000th career strikeout. Is it impressive to be the fifth person to achieve a completely contrived feat? I don’t know. And I say that as the first person since at least the War of 1812 to reference Jeff Maggert, Pablo Picasso and Barack Obama in a baseball column.
8) I’m not big on predictions, but I’m pretty confident that Justin Turner won’t get to a few routine grounders in Brett Anderson’s next start.
If Nolan Arenado doesn't start at 3rd for the NL All-Stars you're all doing it wrong.
— Brett Anderson (@BrettAnderson35) June 29, 2015
9) A dad at a Cubs-Dodgers game at Wrigley Field this week snagged a foul ball bare-handed while holding a baby.
LA first baseman Adrian Gonzalez wasn’t impressed, however. “It would have been more impressive if the baby had caught it,” he said after the game. Really? Did Gonzalez not see that the baby was drinking a bottle of milk? That baby was probably the only person at Wrigley Field who wasn’t drunk. It’s far more impressive to see someone who can’t see straight or balance catch a ball than it is a sober person.
10) While many celebrate landmark progress in American society, take a moment how hard the past week has been for one 1990s baseball star.
Mets ahead of Braves, confederate flag down, gay marriage legal. Someone check on John Rocker.
— Batting Stance Guy (@BattingStanceG) June 27, 2015
Of course, Rocker could have known all of this had he spoken about the future with another 1990s baseball star.
Yes time travel is possible. Will explain later.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) August 13, 2012
Someone ask Jose when the Indians will finally get rid of Chief Wahoo.
