I read recently that in the first age of computing doctors treated office workers for a condition named “turtle neck”, caused by long hours squinting at a screen. I just used to get RSI, but we’ll let that pass. Now, in the early days of the metaverse, there’s an altogether more unpleasant sounding hazard – “gorilla arms”. Rather than being seated, users of augmented reality and virtual reality devices are usually standing without support.
Explains Jay Kim of Oregon State University: “By sticking your arms forward far away from your body, that creates shoulder strain that’s called gorilla arm syndrome.” So now you know. There have also been incidents of users punching walls, lampshades and ceiling fans. Alas, the medical profession has yet to come up with names for these conditions, but I eagerly await them. In the meantime, if you injure yourself lumbering about in the metaverse, blame that Mark Zuckerberg and add it to the increasing charge sheet against that wretched man and his supposedly brave new world.
In the list of odd events such as the world worm-charming championships, the world wife-carrying championships and chess boxing, we should never forget the UK Pun Championships, won last week by Richard Pulsford. A good pun should be truly groanworthy and Mr Pulsford acquits himself honourably on that front: “I used to work in a lighthouse – I still get flashbacks”; “Doorbells. You can’t knock ’em”; “Rocket countdowns? Don’t get me started.” Yes, I admit it - I’m a sucker for puns. And a special mention must go to another competitor, Chris Norton-Walker: “If you’re going to walk 10,000 miles, wear the correct footwear and consult a doctor. The Disclaimers.”
My all-time favourite appeared in a local Essex newspaper, decrying a crisis in the county’s libraries: “Book lack in Ongar”. John Osborne must be turning in his grave.
• Jonathan Bouquet is an Observer columnist
