I rather hanker after the days when we had only the prognostications of the Sage committee to worry about, with the occasional intrusion of the apparently toothless Cobra committee for good measure.
But now... well, there’s the seemingly recent Nervtag creation, which appears to be very good at spreading alarm and despondency in equal measure, and Gold command, which likes nothing better than to warn about us all being bunged into tier 4. No, what I hanker after is fewer committees and a government that speaks with one voice, not groupings that by their names seem to enjoy delivering their miserable messages as if we are in another cold war.
Having complained about the ubiquity of “granular” in my last column, I doff my cap to the policing minister, Kit Malthouse, who had the good grace at Home Office questions to apologise for using it. Good man.
In response to my mention of words and phrases to which we should bid good riddance, James Bailey from Southampton wrote: “May I suggest that the combination ‘best possible’ be included. The ‘best possible’ solution to congestion at the approach to the Channel tunnel is huge lorry parks. In this case ‘best possible’ means chaos. Look behind those two words and you find a pack of lies.” Mr Bailey, you’re a man after my own heart, as is Sir John Timpson, chairman of shoe repair chain Timpson, who was musing in the Daily Telegraph along similar lines.
His phrases to be dumped include “deliver at pace”, “binary”, “purpose-driven” and “synergy”. If I could add one more - “nailed on” instead of “certain”. Bad enough when footballers use it, but I expect better of politicians. On second thoughts, I don’t any more.
Jonathan Bouquet is an Observer columnist
