Did you realise that we are a becoming a nation of somnambulists? No, really we are. The latest expert on our night-time habits is Richard Buxton of Jupiter Asset Management, who last week declaimed: “I’ve been warning for months the net-zero ESG dash for renewables and dissing of hydrocarbons was sleepwalking us into an energy crisis and here we are.” Mr Buxton is in good company. In recent weeks, we have been sleepwalking into climate catastrophe, a financial disaster, into war, a relegation dogfight, a China-style credit system and bond sell-offs. And that’s just a small sample of the online headlines employing this chilling imagery. I find this phrase just a little bit hysterical and horribly overused. Couldn’t we relax and just say “nearing” or “approaching” and put this cliche to bed, as it were?
And so to the weather, one of my favourite topics, what with its hyperbolic terms such as thunder snow and explosive cyclogenesis. So much more portentous and threatening than spits and spots, dribs and drabs. To the pantheon of meteorological cataclysm can now be added “imminent pollen apocalypse”. I’ve seen it used a couple of times and I haven’t a clue what it means, but I’m certain it’s going to crop up more and more as we approach the hay fever season, so I suggest that if you are a sufferer – thankfully I’m not – you should arm yourself immediately with a stout hanky and healthy dose of scepticism.
As it is Mother’s Day today, could I address the voiceover artist on the Marks and Sparks ad for the occasion? The word for a bunch of flowers is not pronounced beaukay, it is pronounced bookeh. Just for once, I of all people can claim to know best on this particular subject.
• Jonathan Bouquet is an Observer columnist
