I don’t know about you, but I like nothing better than a good syndrome - you know the sort of thing: impostor syndrome, Schöpf–Schulz–Passarge syndrome, spider lamb syndrome, The China Syndrome (oh, all right, the last one was a bit of a stinker, but you get my drift). So I was delighted by a new one last week – frozen robot syndrome.
According to the Law Commission, a more than reputable body, established in 1965 to keep the law of England and Wales under review and to recommend reforms, driverless cars could be afflicted by this condition, whereby the “vehicle freezes in the presence of possible obstacles including leaves, plastic bags or seagulls”. The commission goes on: “In the early stages, vehicles may well have a tendency to stop when faced with unusual events, such as unexpected weather or inconsistent sensor information. This could have a disruptive effect on traffic flow.”
You’re telling me. There you are, driving through Eastbourne of a winter’s evening. Leaves on the road, plastic bags being blown along the promenade, seagulls menacing your driverless car... and then a snow flurry. Prang – you’re into the nearest lamp-post. All in all, not ideal, is it? Perhaps we should go back to the good old days and let human ability/fallibility be the rule of the road.
Meanwhile, I’m grateful to Adrian Phillips, who has written a fascinating book called Fighting Churchill, Appeasing Hitler, subtitled How a British Civil Servant Helped Cause the Second World War (provocative title – I very much like it). In it, he reveals Joseph Goebbels’s view on Anthony Eden – “like an elephant in a china shop”. True, he didn’t know about that accursed pachyderm that blights so many modern-day rooms, but a pretty good mixed metaphor nonetheless.
•Jonathan Bouquet is an Observer columnist
