Did you know that there was a league table of state-sponsored hackers?
No, me neither, but apparently Russia is the quickest out of the blocks for launching aggressive global cyber-attacks, with an average breakout time – the time it takes to move from a compromised computer to others in an organisation – of 18 minutes and 49 seconds, while Iran is a positive sluggard with an average breakout time of 5 hours and 9 minutes. This research comes from an organisation called CrowdStrike, which, as you might expect, goes big in its mission statement:
“CrowdStrike dives deeply into the data to show attackers most favored TTPs of 2018 through the lense of MITRE ATT&CK™ framework.
“No respite from nation-state threats: nation-state adversaries were continuously active throughout 2018 – targeting dissidents, regional adversaries and foreign powers to collect intelligence for decision-makers.
“The eCrime ecosystem continues to evolve and mature, showing increased collaborations between highly sophisticated criminal actors.”
I’m sure that CrowdStrike is thoroughly reputable, but I would prefer it if it could spell “lens” correctly. As for “actors” – no, they are criminals plain and simple. The use of actors should be left to the writers of third-rate cop shows.
Meanwhile, back in the earthbound world of bricks and mortar, consider the seemingly kiboshed merger between Sainsbury’s and Asda, which prompted Sainsbury’s chief executive, Mike Coupe, to explode in exasperation: “They have fundamentally moved the goalposts, changed the shape of the ball and chosen a different playing field.”
I couldn’t agree more. There you are, happily wielding your hockey stick and what confronts you but Curtly Ambrose coming in off his full run, with five slips and a silly mid-on posted. Bloody unsporting.
At least we can take comfort from the eurozone and its travails, described last week as potentially developing into an “adverse feedback loop”. I think loosely translated that means that Europe is deep in the doo-doo.
• Jonathan Bouquet is an Observer columnist
