After its go-to holiday presenter decided she wanted to put her sea legs up on her favourite pouffe for a while, Channel 5 was left with a Friday night travel slot to fill.
So, instead of Cruising With Jane McDonald, we now have Bruising With Gregg Wallace.
OK, Channel 5’s schedulers haven’t really called it that - although, given Gregg’s somewhat brusque presenting manner, part of me wishes they had.
They’ve gone with Big Weekends With Gregg Wallace, in which everyone’s favourite shouty TV host hops around Europe’s major weekend break destinations dragging a gigantic wheelie suitcase along by his side.
No, I don’t know why he wheels it like that either. Maybe it’s a friend substitute. Or perhaps it’s full of priced-up tins of peaches and carrots (you can take the man out of the fruit and veg market...)
First up Gregg was in Barcelona, where in between shouting “Woah!”, “That’s amaaaayzin!” and “That. Is. Exxxxtrordinaaaary!”, Gregg attempted to immerse himself in Catalan culture.
Step one was, of course, a trip to the city’s most famous landmark, the Basilica de la Sagrada Familia.
“Or, to me and you,” Gregg chirped. “The Basilica of the Sacred Family.”
You wot, mate? I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone translate its name into English before. What are you going to do when you visit Paris - pop in for a night of dancing and cabaret at the legendary “Red Windmill”?
Gregg’s next mission was to learn to paint like Pablo Picasso.
This started badly when his teacher began to paint Gregg’s portrait and committed to canvas what looked like a giant orangey-yellow balloon with shoulders. The subsequent addition of a pair of black-framed bi-focals did little to soften the blow.
Still, Gregg wasn’t going to let anything spoil his fun. And, to give him his due, his overexaggerated enthusiasm did help the hour fly by.
Tonight he’s in Rome where he visits a large outdoor entertainment venue (or, to me and you, the Colosseum), and shares this view on the local culture: “I only listen to opera when I’m in Rome. It just seems to make sense there.”
I’m the same with The Proclaimers, Gregg. For me it’s Leith or nothing.
