It's all finished
Thanks for following along for another week, everyone! I love to share this collective trauma with you all.
Nooooooooooooo 😭 One of the world’s truly shiny human beings. #masterchefau @danivenn
— Julie Goodwin (@_JulieGoodwin) May 3, 2020
Next week: contestants will feed 100 diners in Melbourne’s suburbs, presumably before the 100-person ban set it.
Also: Melissa wears another sunhat, and - spoiler - Andy says “BANG” again.
See you next Sunday!
Jock chimes in with a “Dani, Dani, Dani, Dani...”, low-key loving being right about using the immunity pin.
Well, the lessons from tonight’s cook are in. Ladies: remember, you should never believe in yourself. When a man in a position of power doubts your abilities and decisions, you should know he’s right to do so.
Dani now returns to cooking for her children, reminded of her failure each morning as they demand googy eggs and soldiers. This is… not the uplifting show it used to be.
Bye Dani, I’m glad you had fun and got a good story out of it!
Dani goes home with an unused immunity pin!
“There’s only a tiny distinction between gooey and runny,” Andy says, as he boots Dani out the door. She’s going home with the competition’s one and only immunity pin on her apron.
Perfect angel Khanh bursts into tears.
The goo masters are revealed
Hayden is safe! (¯\_(ツ)_/¯) Brendan is safe! Khanh is safe! Great goo, guys!
It’s now between Callum and Dani.
Or maybe Dani isn’t done for?? Jock manufactures some debate about what goo should feel like in your mouth. He is, after all, the master of goo after inexplicably hoofing a few dozen googs in his gob.
Is Callum’s dish enough to beat the runny egg? (Probably, yes)
Callum serves his “gooey pina colada” and uh oh, it’s goog as heck. Dani is done for.
Uh oh, the egg is undercooked. It’s runny, not gooey! The judges debate the merits and definitions of each state of matter.
This is a lot of stress for a television show in which the word “goo” has been said roughly 9,875 times.
Dani!!!!!!! Dani starts crying when talking about being a mum of two kids - she says you end up cooking the same things all the time, and the MasterChef kitchen is an intimidating jump back in for her.
This will be brutal if one of those eggs isn’t goog.
Khanh’s molten chocolate cake has a gooey centre and the judges all give it a big thumbs up.
Dani and/or Callum are really in trouble here.
Brendan’s pizza roundas are here and they’re “super delicious” and gooey as heck. He is also the only contestant to use mozzarella, which is wild to me. For this alone, he should win.
Also worth noting:
Brendan making up for the lack of crunch in his previous cook by making this one crunchy AND gooey is PEAK ASIAN I am so proud #MasterChefAU
— Fiza Zali (@fizawanders) May 3, 2020
It’s gooey and it’s yummy! “A very good plate of pasta,” says Jock, using 0.8% of the number of adjectives strictly reserved for Laura’s pastas.
The final tasting
Hayden is up first with his single raviolo. “It’s my first parmesan foam, but not my first time in elimination,” he says. ¯\_(‘-’)_/¯
Foam is something I don’t even want from experienced chefs. Hayden has gone way too far in the opposite direction after getting slammed for his store-bought corn chips.
THE COOK IS OVER. Dani’s eggs are getting less and less googy by the second. Everything is fine.
Hayden’s hands are shaking as he tucks a singular nude egg yolk between two fragile slivers of pasta. He has no back-ups. There are no second chances. Everything is, needlessly, riding on this single mouthful of egg.
Dani has picked a dish that is impossible to know if you’ve done correctly until it’s too late: googy son-in-law eggs. Great for TV, absolutely terrible for her mental health.
Reynold appreciation post.
LOOK 👏🏻 AT 👏🏻 REYNOLD’S 👏🏻 GANACHE 👏🏻#MasterChefAU pic.twitter.com/qyN8RRzyDg
— robert. (@FierceRobert) May 3, 2020
Nothing funny to say. It’s just ludicrous talent.
There’s a lot of doubt about Callum’s dish - a pina colada-style coconut parfait, so it’ll probably be the best dish of the day.
“It’s gonna be goo city,” he says, sweating profusely.
Callum is getting the sad edit. Emotional music, wartime footage of him leaving his wife and child to come to the MasterChef kitchen and stress about goo.
Khanh is making a lava cake and a scotch caramel (very gooey food for someone who said they literally didn’t know what goo was).
Brendan is making a cheesy, Korean chicken pocket - a fancy, Asian version of a Pizza Rounda. Unlike the ones I ate from my high school school canteen, this probably won’t be disturbingly lukewarm and I also know what meat is inside it. What a dream.
After Hayden’s risks in the first round didn’t pay off, he’ll now make a single eggy raviolo. Just one large pocket of pasta for three adult humans to taste.
Jock brags about eating 34 eggs
Jock follows that up by boasting, stone-faced, about the time he competitively ate 34 eggs.
Jock comes over to torment Dani again. “Look at you, struggling, flailing, suffering. I warned you: never believe in yourself.” Great pep talk, thanks Jock!
The goal of the next cook: food that is GOOEY. Melissa names different kinds of soft, hot cheeses the contestants could cook for her. Anyone who doesn’t use cheese is clearly going home.
There are no other limitations on the challenge: just make some good goo!
The final contestant cooking for their place in the competition is Dani. Rose, who has competed in every other final knockout challenge, is shook.
If you’re just tuning in: tonight’s elimination challenge has the contestants cooking crunchy food. The best dishes have been chosen (including a chip butty from Simon). Four of the five worst dishes have just been announced (including a un-crunchy crab from Callum).
Guys, if you eat the crab with the shell on it's the crunchiest dish there. #MasterChefAU
— Adam Liaw (@adamliaw) May 3, 2020
We’re waiting on the name of the 5th contestant who will then cook in a second round. The loser of that cook will be sent home.
A reminder that everyone should be following Khanh on Twitter
Reynold you bish... How do you even isomalt tuille what the actual fuck #MasterChefAU
— khanh (@khanhong) May 3, 2020
The soggy chefs cook for their lives
The contestants who will be cooking in the next round are Hayden, Khanh, Callum, Brendan and… AD BREAK. But it’s definitely Dani, right?
Hayden’s chicken curry is next on the block. It’s lacking a depth of flavour. The papadums are crispy, but they’re not thin enough. Nothing has any seasoning. He’s definitely cooking in the next round.
“I’m trying my best, and it’s not anywhere near where it needs to be.” Oh, Hayden.
Ben recovers from last week’s unfortunate dick and balls accident with babi ketjap, an Indonesian pork dish. The food does not look like any kind of genitalia and it tastes good! What a combo! He’s safe from the next round too.
Reynold’s latest work of art is perfection. The judges don’t even want to waste time talking about it.
They almost forget to say he’s safe from the next round because it’s implied in their moans of pleasure.
The judges love Sarah Clare’s cake and spicy sorbet! Sarah celebrates the good news by admitting she’s going to have a cardiac episode.
Brendan misses the brief on his wontons (a famously crunchy food) and Sarah is worried about the crunch of her cake (a food that is a similar consistency to a pillow).
Why do people do this to themselves? Is there not enough anxiety in this people’s lives - they are welcome to take some of mine.
The_Corn_Chip_Lover has logged on...
but did he make the toast 😂🤔 #masterchefau
— Hayden Quinn (@hayden_quinn) May 3, 2020
No one understands how to crunch
IT’S TIME FOR CALLUM’S DISH. And the feedback on his crab is… exactly what was predicted! The dish is delicious, but it doesn’t really fulfil the brief at all because crab meat is not crunchy.
Tracy gets sent straight up to the gantry for her dish, which is an assortment of skins - yum!
Dani’s up next with crunchy eggplant and miso glaze. Melissa loves it, but Jock says it wasn’t crunchy at all. Should she have used the pin???
In other news, everyone loves Laura’s crunchy pasta because of course.
Adam Liaw is coming to Laura’s defence for the Tofu Incident :\
Extremely late to this but tofu straight out of a packet is not only fine, it is delicious. You don’t even have to slice it. #MasterChefAU https://t.co/nrmHI4ebRJ
— Adam Liaw (@adamliaw) May 3, 2020
I feel attacked.
Sarah Tiong’s south-east fried chicken is a winner! She’s straight up to the gantry. It’s completely wild that no one else made fried chicken - objectively the best food anyone could ever make. Good job, Sarah!!
Ben is making pork belly with crispy crackling. He wants it to break people’s teeth, which is quite an aggressive aim for a family-friendly TV show about cooking dinner.
Everyone is taking this Laura news very well. At least it’s a great way to let out some aggression.
SHE’S ACTUALLY MAKING DEEP-FRIED PASTA I’M SCREAMING #MasterChefAU
— Kristen Amiet (@KrissiAmiet) May 3, 2020
Laura’s seriously making crunch pasta... #MasterChefAU pic.twitter.com/WEdEh4HYiz
— Kiera (@UnderYourPorch) May 3, 2020
someone just called Laura from MasterChef a "one trick pony", and I got really sad thinking about a pony that was widely criticised for only making pasta
— Patrick Lenton (@PatrickLenton) May 1, 2020
Hayden is, rightfully, extremely worried about his dish. “Is the humble papadum enough to keep me out of round two”.
Simon nails the crunch!! He’s straight up to the gantry <3
Lol at Simon putting “micro-celery” on the dish because there’s too much beige. No respect for British culture. The only greens allowed on a British plate of food are mushy peas - vegetables that have been violently pummelled into submission and doused with cream and butter so they’re not too bright or showy.
Speed round: the judges love Tessa’s brandy snaps and Emelia’s (who?) parfait and praline. But, as Simon says, no one’s been automatically sent through to the next round. We’re 100% primed for a chip butty victory here.
Poh’s up next and, of course, she “nailed it”. Her sweet and spicy bar snacks are a big bowl of crunch and she outlines exactly why it’s a perfect dish before anyone even tastes it. I know it would be unfair, but Poh could really be both a contestant and a judge. Would watch.
Time to taste!
Chris’ beer-battered fish is ready to taste! Fish and no chippies. A bold move. But they love the crunch! Andy loves that he didn’t overthink it. This is not a good sign for Sarah’s chilli cake.
Laura is, somehow, making crispy pasta.
It’s confirmed people Laura is making crispy pasta #MasterChefAU
— Nathan McGee (@NateMcGee86) May 3, 2020
Sarah is making a carrot cake with honeycomb and walnuts, and a spicy sorbet. Cake and sorbet: notoriously crunchy foods. Good luck, Sarah!
Hayden - whose backwards cap is black today, to solemnly signify today’s elimination - is making an Indian curry with crispy papadums.
He’s going to hit the same problem as Callum: the main part of his dish isn’t crunchy at all. He seems to know this and is rationalising it over and over again. “They wanted something delicious and crunchy. Delicious curry. Crunchy papadum. Delicious. Crunchy. DELICIOUS. CRUNCHY.”
Reynold feigns humility
“Maybe a dessert!!” Reynold says sheepishly, after a two-second contemplation of anything else.
He’s planning to do a dish with freeze-dried mandarin, a French cookie I have never heard the name of, and some hand-blown sugar balloons. I look forward to his standing ovation.
Which judge do you think will cry, overwhelmed with the honour of tasting his work, this week?
Here’s a quote that sums up the chip butty debate, from someone who has literally written a book on potatoes: “You’re acting out your Britishness even by having an opinion about the chip butty.”
What do you reckon about Simon’s chip butty?
Simon’s got the definition of chip buttie wrong. It’s filled with chips aka fries, not crisps! #MasterChefAU
— Nicola Chan (@Ch4nster) May 3, 2020
Hot chips are definitely the standard (Brits usually make it after getting fish and chips), but... it’s not like crisps would be bad.
I CALLED IT. I hate to agree with Jock (truly I do), but Callum’s crab is not going to cut it. The crunchy thing should be the part that you actually eat.
“Let’s just deep-fry everything today” is an iconic line - for both MasterChef and also for your bored weekends in isolation.
Poh is doing Thai-style fried peanuts and nori chips. She promises that it is a “fun cook”, and she’s going to “really have fun today”.
She then immediately throws something on the ground and maniacally laughs because Poh’s idea of fun is complete chaos. (Chaotic good, guys).
Simon is making a fancy chip butty (a potato chip sandwich). This dish is the height of British cuisine, which is to say that it is extremely beige and very bad for you.
It is delicious though. And Simon’s generally a massive sweetie - “what a fun day they’ve given us” - so I hope it pays off!!
Callum is making chilli crab and onion rings. The crab shell is the crunchy bit, he says. But uhh, surely you’re supposed to eat the crunchy part of the dish? Or at least be responsible for it being crunchy….
Chris is making beer-battered flathead, which the judges are very keen on. I am so confused about whether the judges want complicated food or not. They’re constantly undermining people when contestants cook dishes that are “a bit simple”, but then lose their minds over cheesy pasta.
Tonight’s challenge is set
The challenge is simple: make some good crunchy food! The contestants have an open pantry and a maximum of 75 minutes to produce the dish.
They can use less time if they like, and the judges will taste it asap because they’re absolutely frothing for the crunch.
Melissa is reciting some kind of slam poem about the meaning of “delicious” - the aroma, the perfumes that waft through the air on a cool Autumn evening, the colour of the sky as the sun gifts us another day on this majestic earth, the sou-
Jock chimes in: “Give me CHIPPIES, I WANT CHIPPIES”.
Andy: “YUMMY CRUNCH!!”
Dani is not playing her pin today. Meanwhile, Andy gives some of the rules.
There will be two rounds of cooking today. The people who serve the five least impressive dishes from the first round will have to cook in round two.
The whole gang is here! And straight out the gate, Jock is completely tormenting Dani.
Is she going to play her immunity pin? Does she really think she can make it through this challenge on her skill and merit???? Dani, really, think about it. Fundamentally, what is your worth in this kitchen and, by extension, this world.
This pin is a curse.
Welcome back for another week!
Hello again! Thanks for joining me for another Sunday MasterChef liveblog. (This blog is one of the main ways I can tell what day it is right now - hopefully it helps you too).
I’ll be with you for tonight’s elimination show, which begins at 7.30pm. While we all impatiently wait for The Project to end, let’s look back on the week in MasterChef.
It was a good week for: ornate pies, raw tofu straight out of the packet with literally not one single thing done to it, Khanh’s spectacular orange jumpsuit, and Jess - who is the only person safe from tonight’s elimination challenge. Despite some serious initial doubt from the judges, Jess beat Callum, Sarah Tiong and Laura after serving up delicious turmeric noodles with egg and rice crackers.
It was a bad week week for: Harry, who was eliminated on Tuesday when his inventive “rock pool” dish lost out to yet another pasta from Laura; Curtis Stone’s culinary knowledge, after the Michelin-starred chef could not fathom a dish that included rice/noodles and egg; and my productivity. I made this for you instead of doing my actual work:
Tonight: Every contestant except Jess will face off in an elimination challenge about “crunch”. It’s going to be a cracker!! Who’s going to snap first!!! The tension is crackling!!! It’s crunch time!!!! (Turns out the ads work on me when I’m trapped at home and completely starved for excitement).
As always, I’ll be following all your commentary too. Get in touch on Twitter: @msmegwatson!
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