Suddenly, just as the East Coast was easing into its lazy-August Tuesday afternoon rush hour, a torrent of Trump-Scandal NEWSBREAKs erupted in two normally sleepy, but suddenly dueling, federal courthouses 238 miles apart.
NEWSBREAKs gushed like fire hoses from courtrooms in New York City and Alexandria, Va., a new one every few minutes. Each Trump scandal newsbit hit with an astonishing rapidity and apparent urgency that threatened to break the newsbreakers. It befuddled breathless cable news anchors and flummoxed (but alas didn't quite silence) TV's ubiquitous talking heads.
Apps went ape. Even the Drudge website Trumpophiles bannered: "(ASTERISK)(ASTERISK)TRUMP HELL HOUR(ASTERISK)(ASTERISK)"
NEWSBREAK: In Manhattan's U.S. District Court, Trump's infamous longtime fixer and former lawyer, Michael Cohen � who used to brag that he'd gladly take a bullet to protect "Mr. Trump" � dodged a bullet this time. He copped a plea and pinned a new legal problem on his old client. Cohen plead guilty to making illegal payments during the 2016 presidential campaign to a porn flick star and a former Playboy playmate, money he said he paid so they wouldn't speak publicly about sexual activities they've said they had with Trump. Cohen pled guilty to a list of charges including that and other campaign finance law violations. He said he paid those women "in coordination with and at the direction of a candidate for federal office ... for the principal purpose of influencing the election." Translation: Cohen's plea said Trump directed him to break federal campaign laws.
NEWSBREAK: In Alexandria's U.S. District Court, Trump's former 2016 campaign chairman, Paul Manafort, who worked for Kremlin-connected politicians in Ukraine and is well-connected with Russian oligarchs, was convicted of eight (out of 18) charges of financial fraud, for hiding many millions of dollars in foreign banks, evading taxes, and making false statements to get many millions more in loans. The info on Manafort was uncovered during the ongoing probe by Washington's special counsel Robert Mueller; but this trial didn't directly get into any of Mueller's primary focus on Russia's cyber-thefts of Democratic political documents and other efforts to help Trump win the 2016 election and otherwise subvert America's democracy. Mueller's probe is still in progress, much to the president's considerable consternation and often-obvious panic.
News websites and TV screens were soon awash with a sizable list of the names and photos of all the infamous Trump advisers connected with his 2016 campaign and White House who have so far pleaded guilty to criminal conduct.
Then there was more: Trump's Justice Department released a 48-page indictment of Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.) � who was the second member of the House to endorse Trump for president in 2016. Hunter appeared with Trump and cheered his promises to "Drain the Swamp" and rid Washington of corruption. Hunter was charged with having spent more than $250,000 in campaign funds on personal expenses including family trips to Italy and Hawaii, children's school tuition, luxuries for the congressman and his wife, and a $600 airline ticket for his pet rabbit. The indictment of Trump's second congressional endorser was not followed by a comment from Trump's first House endorser � Rep. Chris Collins (R-N.Y.) was otherwise occupied, having also just been indicted for insider trading of biotech company info in stock transactions.
Now you get what even Trump's admirers at Drudge meant when they likened Trump's Tuesday to hell. Surely all that was cerebrally swirling when Trump boarded Air Force One for a quick hop to Charleston, W.Va., for a carefully choreographed feel-good rally. Trump's Charleston true-believers did not disappoint their arriving guest.
Trump seemed subdued at first but looked more radiant than usual in his more Day-Glo yellow than usual coiffeur. Trump performed all his golden oldies; each was greeted by enthusiastic huzzahs; and soon the president was his old smiling self. And then there came the moment that transformed Trump's Tuesday hell into a veritable 2016 Trump highlight reel. It happened when a local pol mentioned the name of a certain 2016 presidential candidate who didn't make it to the rally � "Hillary Clinton" � and Trump's long frustrated faithful erupted on cue, chanting:
"Lock her up! Lock her up!"
Somewhere in the Kremlin, a possibly shirtless man may have allowed himself a brief, thin-lipped smile. He probably wasn't even troubled that Facebook had just found and axed 652 fake accounts that were spreading fake info. The fake Facebook accounts originated in Iran and Russia. And so it goes.
NEWSBREAK: Cyberwar doesn't even seem like hell. Yet.
