Married at First Sight UK is in its final week on our screens. It's been a series full of uncomfortable moments, poor behaviour and forced connections, but what has particularly jumped out has been the way masculinity is viewed by the many of the contestants.
Earlier in the series, expert Paul Brunson was praised by viewers for giving contestant Morag Crichton a talking-to for telling her husband Luke that he wasn't “manly enough” because he wasn’t her usual type.
"So you're telling me that Morag said you're not man enough?" asked Paul.
"There could be some confusion around what masculinity actually is. I think you're thinking of toxic masculinity - the rough, tough, 'I don't show emotion'. That's not being a man.
"What being a man is is exactly what I see Luke do all the time: he's loyal, what he says, he does, he acts on his words; this is what real men do."
Luke has admitted to having low self-esteem and throughout the show we have seen him struggle to be the kind of man Morag wants and still be true to himself. It isn’t okay for Morag to question his “manliness” simply because his expression of his gender is different from what she's used to. The shock of the other contestants at her comments also shows how unacceptable it is to question your partner's manliness.
Mainstream dating shows can play an important part in the national conversation about what masculinity is and will be in the future as gender and gender roles change. Shows like Married At First Sight have a role in shaping and contributing to this conversation.
Other contestants have displayed signs of toxic masculinity, particularly Franky Spencer. Franky has repeated called himself an “alpha” without a shred of irony, despite that term meaning very little when applied to human behaviour.
Franky is very concerned with maintaining his status and this view of himself as an “alpha”. We have seen him refuse to wear an apron, - clearly because he sees it as feminine - and repeatedly try to prop up his fragile masculinity by calling himself, among other things, “a tank”, “a tiger” and “John Wayne”.
It would be funny if it wasn’t for the fact that Franky is using the term “alpha male” as a cover for his controlling behaviour. Marilyse appears to be becoming increasingly uncomfortable with his behaviour, as seen when he told her, “When I speak, don’t speak”. Also, the experts questioned them both about an imbalance of power in their relationship during a previous commitment ceremony.
Expert Mel Schillings asked: “Marilyse, tell us a bit about the space that you have to lead an argument and have your needs met.” Marilyse seemed unable to think of a time that had happened and was then pushed by Franky to tell the experts that he wasn’t controlling.
Contestants on mainstream dating shows like Married At First Sight can display masculinity in a range of different ways and those who produce the show must make a choice: do they challenge toxic masculinity and its signs or do they let it fester?
*Married At First Sight UK finishes tonight at 9pm on E4
