After nearly three decades of marriage, Linda, a 64-year-old nurse from Roanoke, Virginia, says she feels like she's carrying the financial weight of two people.
Her husband, also 64, earns about $45,000 a year. Linda makes $115,000. They still owe $180,000 on their home, which is now worth around $400,000. She wants to pay it off before retirement. He refuses.
Separate Accounts, Separate Lives
“He just does not want to pay the house off,” Linda said on “The Ramsey Show” with Dave Ramsey and John Delony. “I've tried to put my foot down and say, ‘When we retire, we're not going to want a house payment.' But he's definitely not on board with that.”
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The couple keeps their finances mostly separate. They have separate accounts, a house account for bills and groceries, and a joint savings for big repairs. But the rest? Completely divided.
She owns two rental properties. He's not involved with either. “When I bought the first round of property, he didn't want any part of it,” she said. So she just ran it on her own. “I only owe $12,000 on it, so I’m getting ready to pay it off next.”
Her second property, purchased to help her daughter-in-law who was battling cancer, has about $62,000 left on the mortgage. Linda is aggressively snowballing her debts and recently paid off both of their cars.
“He likes his comfy job and he goes to play golf whenever he gets a chance,” she said. “That's pretty much it.”
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This Isn't a Finance Problem
The hosts didn't sugarcoat their responses.
“That’s not a marriage,” Delony said. “That’s a couple of roommates.”
The hosts emphasized that Linda's situation isn't really about money and Delony described the situation as a marriage issue, pointing to the absence of alignment and any shared plan between the couple for handling life's challenges.
Ramsey called the financial imbalance and emotional distance between Linda and her husband “painful.” He said Linda must decide whether to keep going on this path or force a turning point: counseling, confrontation, or separation.
Ramsey warned that Linda's husband has no retirement savings of his own, contributes nothing to their financial future, and yet will end up relying on her retirement funds. “He’s going to retire and eat out of your retirement because he doesn’t have any retirement,” Ramsey said.
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A Cautionary Tale For Younger Couples
Toward the end of the segment, both hosts turned their attention to younger listeners.
“Please, for God’s sake, don’t call it love to marry someone that you are not aligned with like that,” Ramsey said. “That's not love. It’s permanent roommate lust.”
As for Linda, the hosts weren't hopeful that much would change. “I wish I'd found you 28 years ago,” Ramsey said. At this stage, it seems likely she will continue managing everything on her own, just as she has for decades.
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