Some of my best friends are in a subgroup: “unmarried and childless women”. Its members, according to a professor of behavioural science at the London School of Economics, are the “happiest subgroup in the population”. Paul Dolan, in a talk at the Hay festival, told the audience that the latest evidence, including longitudinal studies, shows that the markers conventionally used to measure success – marriage and children – do not correlate with happiness. Well, knock me down with a Fetherlight condom. Who knew? Except the many women who actually have quite nice lives?
We are told that marriage, usually of the heterosexual, monogamous kind, is the key to intimacy, if not ecstasy, and that it is somehow good for our health. It is good for men because their wives nag them to see the doctor and, possibly, to eat better. For women, this is not necessarily the case. Indeed, as most women have children and work, life can be pretty tough.
You don’t need a survey to see any of this. Just look at where women have gone on an undeclared strike: the very low birth rate in Italy or in Japan where generations have opted out of marriage and children – because younger women do not want to be slaves to husbands.
I am not saying marriage does not make some very happy, but happiness, as any Buddhist, or anyone who has glimpsed a few inspirational quotes on Instagram, knows, is a byproduct – not a goal.
Many things may make you inadvertently happy – just as many people feel that what they were promised by the culture would make them happy doesn’t. “The one” can never live up to expectations. And being single and child-free may be fabulous or not. But then, who trusts self-reported happiness? Still, it’s breaking news, isn’t it, that women are all different? Good to have that confirmed by an expert.
• Suzanne Moore is a Guardian columnist
