CLEVELAND _ For Terry Francona, the mental anguish is hard enough after the Indians' early postseason exit.
But unlike his previous 16 years as a major league manager, he said physically this is "by far the most wiped out" he's ever been after a season.
That's not to suggest that Francona, 58, couldn't have made it through a second consecutive World Series appearance. But after experiencing four episodes of irregular heartbeat in less than a year, Francona underwent a 10-hour catheter ablation procedure on July 7. The surgery kept him away from the game he loves for 18 days, including missing a trip to Miami to direct the American League team in the All-Star Game.
"I need to make a concerted effort to getting stronger. And I don't mean stronger like look good in the lobby stronger. I felt like at times I leaned on Millsie and some of the coaches too much," Francona said Friday, referring to bench coach Brad Mills. "It's supposed to be the other way around, so I need to get a little stronger so I can uphold my responsibilities here, so I don't short-change anybody."
Indians president of baseball operations Chris Antonetti sat next to Francona in a room in the bowels of Progressive Field that two days before was used for media interviews during the American League Division Series against the New York Yankees. The Indians were ousted from the playoffs with a 5-2 loss in Game 5.
"By the way, that's never happened, that he's short-changed anybody," Antonetti interjected.
Some of his friends in baseball remained concerned about Francona's health. He told USA Today's Bob Nightengale in July that he would watch batting practice from the dugout, not the field. He planned to change his diet and start swimming an hour a day again. He was trying an apparatus for sleep apnea.
But Francona's lack of self-control is legendary. He confessed that on the eve of Game 5 of the World Series in 2016 he ordered $44 of ice cream from room service and "pushed through" to finish it all _ a brownie sundae, two orders of chocolate, two orders of vanilla with chocolate sauce, berries and a Diet Coke. In 2015, he said he ate 17 popsicles in one night.
When asked if he was sure he would be back in 2018, Francona said, "Unless there's something I don't know. I just was trying to answer it as honestly as I could. There's no hidden meaning or anything like that. I'm just pretty wiped out."
One member of the media told Francona of a friend who underwent the same procedure and said it took six to nine months to get over the fatigue. Francona could see that. Before Wednesday's game, he said he'd just had a conversation with Antonetti while prone on the couch in his office. Antonetti was headed for a workout.
"During the season, we don't really ever take time to take stock of ourselves. You go, go, go until it's time to not go," Francona said. "But, I know that it was harder for me this year physically than it's ever been and, in a perfect world, you have energy and you're out there because you feel like you can help. So I need to go back home with that in mind. Swim more than I've swam in the past and be healthier so when I go into next spring, there's more gas in the tank."
Some die-hard Indians fans are so angry they would be happy if Francona walked away.
But Francona can't be blamed for Francisco Lindor batting .111 and Jose Ramirez .100 in the ALDS or Edwin Encarnacion spraining his ankle. It's not the manager's fault that Cy Young candidate Corey Kluber turned in two uncharacteristically poor starts, that the Indians hit .171 after batting .263 in winning 102 games or that the Tribe committed nine errors, seven in the last two games. The off-with-his-head crowd is also ripping Francona for batting Jason Kipnis second, for the construction of the ALDS roster _ Michael Brantley and Lonnie Chisenhall on, relievers Nick Goody and Dan Otero off _ and going with Trevor Bauer over Kluber in Game 1 and Bauer on short rest in Game 3. (Of those, using a roster spot on Brantley, activated off the disabled list on Sept. 30 for the second time, bothers me the most.)
"It's open season on second guessing," Francona said.
Critics calling for Francona's ouster should consider the run of bad coaches/managers in Browns, Indians and Cavs history and be thankful that one of baseball's best is still with us, cardiac ablation, 17 popsicles and all.
His players certainly are. Even as the Indians try to come to grips with their shockingly short postseason, they are thinking of the manager they cherish while curled up on the couch.
"I got a lot of really, really special texts already," Francona said. "There are a lot of normal conversations through texts with guys, but there were also some that were extremely touching."
