The funniest standup I’ve ever seen
Paul Foot is a contender. The first time I saw him – about 10 years ago – I thought I was going to start rolling around on the floor laughing, like people do in modern internet acronyms.
The funniest sketch I’ve ever seen
There was a Simon Day Fast Show sketch where he tried to sort out a group of people who owed money to each other, with an increasingly complex set of transactions. I’m making it sound more boring the more I talk about it but, trust me, it was brilliant.
The funniest thing that shouldn’t be funny
Other people’s pain is the answer, I think; both physical and mental. I used to have a story about watching a man run for the train and, when he didn’t quite make it, shouting “HE’S MISSED IT!” in a euphoric tone of voice, in front of all the other passengers.
The funniest TV show I’ve ever seen
The Simpsons is the best TV show ever made. The quality may have dropped off but as a body of work it deserves to be ranked alongside Shakespeare, chorizo, etc. I plan to watch it on my deathbed.
The funniest person I know
Tim Key and my brother Paul, but in each case it’s hard to say why. If you know someone for long enough, you develop a sort of shorthand which means things are increasingly funny for you but incomprehensible to anyone else. Eventually, this means that nobody else wants to talk to you and you die almost alone, but there we are.
The funniest hairstyle I’ve ever had
At university, I briefly experimented with dyeing it red. I’d split up with a girl and thought it would be a good way of showing that I’d moved on. With hindsight it was mostly just a good way of showing that I’d split up with a girl and was having a breakdown.
The funniest number
I might go for nine, which was the percentage of tickets sold for my least successful ever tour show. It amounted to around 100 but in a venue which had been designed for several thousand. The sound of the wind whistling outside was louder than their laughter.
