The Astros Apology Offensive launched Thursday. As you'd expect from a campaign a month in the formation, it came across as less than heartfelt. We might even call it canned, but we'd beat a joke to within an inch of its life. Here was team owner Jim Crane: "Our opinion is that this (his team's sign stealing) didn't impact the game."
Shortly thereafter, Crane said: "I didn't say it didn't impact the game."
Players Alex Bregman and Jose Altuve, who had declined to express remorse, decided that, after further review, they were remorseful after all. "I have learned from this," Bregman said, the lesson presumably being not to cheat _ or, if you do, not to get caught.
MLB announced its sanctions against the Astros on Jan. 13. Many of us media types were tracking developments _ general manager and manager banned for a year; wait, now they're fired! _ on the bus to the Superdome for the LSU-Clemson championship game. Did MLB seek to soften the story by revealing its findings on a heavy news day? Bang on a trash can once for yes, twice for no.
A month later, we know that those findings were woefully incomplete, thereby rendering this the story that cannot be buried. Jared Diamond, aptly named, of The Wall Street Journal has uncovered so much dirt that it's clear MLB's investigation was thorough as you'd expect from a sport that took a decade to grasp that some of its players might have taken more than a One-A-Day vitamin to stay in shape.
MLB's report sought to pass off the sign-stealing as "player-driven." Diamond found internal documents showing that the Astros had an algorithm for their thievery _ there's an algorithm for everything _ that bore the name "Codebreaker," the plan itself being dubbed "Dark Arts." Many emails discussing this were directed to then-GM Jeff Luhnow, whose principal defense seems to be that he never reads emails longer than one page. (Good business practice!)
Even with the Astros lining up to say they're sorry _ notice that it's the Astros' pitchers who seem the sorriest; there was no trash can for them _ we're left to wonder how much more there was to this. We're also left to wonder what, if anything, MLB should do, and we say that with the full knowledge that MLB, guaranteed, will make a mess of whatever it tries. So here goes:
