And some reaction ...
Barney Ronay on the charming FA Cup fixture.
Andy Hunter’s match report has arrived, so I shall leave you with that. Thanks very much for your company, emails and especially your Neil Young tips. Goodnight!
Here’s the Marine manager Neil Young
“I’m very proud of the players. It was always gonna be tough – you only have to look at the Spurs side. You have to give great credit to Jose Mourinho for the side he picked. He showed us great respect. At the end we were laughing about [which superstar] would be coming off the bench next.
“It would have been nice to get a goal. Neil hit the bar and James Joyce had a shot blocked, but once they went ahead they showed their class. I’m very proud of the cup run. We’ve had an eventful week, with lot of press and attention.
“The football community, and in particular the Tottenham Hotspur supporters, have been incredible. To sell over 20,000 [virtual] tickets in what is a very tough time for our football club ... it’s really nice.”
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Joe Hart has a long post-match chat with his opposite number Bayleigh Passant. The Marine players are then applauded off by everyone at the ground or in their back grounds. There’s been plenty of humanity on show today.
Full time: Marine 0-5 Spurs
Everyone’s a winner. Marine had their day in the sun and Spurs avoided an FA Cup embarrassment for the ages. Carlos Vinicius hit a first-half hat-trick and the 16-year-old Alfie Devine scoring on his debut. Lucas Moura got the other goal. Marine had a couple of moments - Neil Kengni twanged the crossbar at 0-0 - and will remember everything about this game with the greatest fondness.
90+2 min Vinicius misses a sitter, shooting wide on the turn from eight yards after unselfish play from Devine.
90 min Two minutes of added time.
89 min Vinicius gallops away from Miley on the left side of the area, but his cross is too close to Passant.
86 min The match is starting to peter out, althoug today was only partially about the football. It’s been a warm and fuzzy experience for all connected with Marine, and a 5-0 defeat won’t change that.
84 min At the other end, Bale’s long-range shot dribbles well wide.
83 min A Spurs clearance is picked up by Kengni, who welts a shot from 25 yards that is blocked by Rodon. He caught that really well.
81 min Gedson Fernandes’s imaginative through pass is just too heavy for Doherty. Marine make their final substitution: Danny Shaw replaces David Raven.
80 min “Hi Rob,” says Pete Salmon. “Is it too early to start the debate on Alfie Devine and the England squad? Surely what he needs now is pressure! I’m calling it - he’s the New Rooney. What is Southgate playing at?!”
You’ve got to give youth a chance. If Devine doesn’t start the next game alongside Phil Foden, Jamal Musiala and Harry Kane’s newborn son, then I’m afraid Southgate has to go.
78 min Crikey, a yellow card. James Joyce is the recipient, for a cynical foul on Doherty.
76 min Barrigan is very late on White, a yellow card in normal circumstances. Michael Oliver, who has been in an understandably generous mood, settles for giving a free-kick.
75 min Two more Marine substitutions: Kenny Strickland and Ryan Wignall replace Jay Devine and Niall Cummins, whose hopes of a famous red card goal are over.
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74 min White, fed by Clarke, spanks a shot into orbit from 25 yards.
73 min Marine don’t really look like scoring. This wouldn’t normally be of much importance at 5-0, but I suppose it is today. I reckon most non-league teams in this situation would rather lose 8-1 than 5-0, just to have one euphoric moment.
71 min Ben Davies has been replaced by Sergio Reguilon.
70 min Kyle Bosman is in the mood for song.
I’ve seen Vinicius and the Damage Done /
Alfie Devine he’s even got him one /
No Harry Kane or even Heung-min Son
69 min Bale hits a wobbling free-kick from 25 yards that is shovelled round the post by Passant. The corner is played short and worked to Ge l dson Fernandes, whose shot from the edge of the area is headed away by the stooping Raven. I think it was going wide anyway.
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68 min “Sixteen,” says Matt Dony. “Six-flipping-teen. Do you know what I was doing at 16, Rob? Dreaming of being a rock star, pining over unobtainably cool girls, drinking cheap, weak lager, and reading books that I thought would make me look smart. Do you know what I wasn’t doing? Scoring on my first team debut, in the FA Cup. Good on Alfie Devine. What a story for him.”
Sure, you might have been an immature mess at 16, but look at you n-oh.
67 min Another change for Marine: Alex Doyle replaces Josh Hmami.
65 min A double change for Spurs: Gareth Bale and Jack Clarke replace Dele Alli and Lucas Moura, who both played really well.
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64 min So does Harvey White, who clips it over the bar.
63 min Lucas Moura is fouled on the edge of the D, just to the right of centre. Dele Alli fancies this.
61 min Breaking news: Alfie Devine won’t be sleeping a wink tonight.
Alfie Devine, 16, has scored on his Spurs debut! It was a really good goal, too. He ran onto Moura’s backheel, just inside the box on the left. Then he faced up Solomon-Davies, shifted the ball inside and cracked a low shot that beat Passant at the near post. What a lovely moment.
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GOAL! Marine 0-5 Spurs (Devine 60)
Romance is back!
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59 min Davies’s fast first-time cross is studded into the ground and wide of the far post by Lucas Moura. That was a pretty good chance to make it 5-0.
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58 min Niall Cummins shapes to plunge his studs into Rodon’s achilles and then thinks better off it. I fear he is going to give Michael Oliver a difficult decision in the next half an hour.
57 min Alli plays a classy one-two-three with Lucas Moura, who is in the act of shooting when Joyce makes a vital tackle.
54 min Lucas Moura’s high, hanging cross is pulled down by Carlos Vinicius, who turns smartly but then spanks his half-volley out of the ground.
52 min Hmami’s long-range shot is comfortably saved by Hart.
51 min Niall Cummins has a gratuitous kick at Dele Alli and then goes looking for a follow-up. Alli has a few words back. For reasons that aren’t entirely clear, Cummins has spent much of the game kicking people.
50 min Marine have had a lot of the ball at the start of the second half. I suspect Neil Young - sorry, I still can’t type that without sniggering - has told them to enjoy themselves, to try to score a goal, and the hell with how many they concede.
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49 min “Michael Howard?” says Richard Hirst. “Now they’ve got politics covered as well!”
48 min Thanks ever so much for all your Neil Young gateway suggestions; they’re much appreciated. The consensus seems to be that I need to listen to his entire back catalogue because it’s all great.
47 min Kengni has another pop from distance. This one isn’t as well struck and Hart saves comfortably.
46 min Peep peep!
Both teams are making half-time substitutions
Marine Michael Howard replaces Adam Hughes, which means a switch to a back four.
Spurs Alfie Devine, 16, and Japhet Tanganga replace Alderweireld and Sissoko.
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Half-time reading
Half time: Marine 0-4 Spurs
Peep peep! Spurs are winning with ease, as we knew they would. But there was a delicious moment after 20 minutes, with the score 0-0, when Neil Kengni pinged the top of the crossbar from 30 yards. Carlos Vinicius has helped himself to a hat-trick since then, with Lucas Moura smacking the other goal. See you in 15 minutes for more doomed romance.
44 min Sissoko is eased to the canvas by Niall Cummins, the Marine captain. He has put himself about with considerable glee.
42 min “Re: Neil Young,” begins David Wall. “Isn’t the real question, for both Spurs and Marine, how they approach the rest of the match After the Goal Rush?”
Enough of the puns, where I should start if I’m a Neil Young ignoramus? Asking for a deadbeat.
40 min It seems that Kengni hitting the bar from 30 yards woke Spurs up. They scored four in 15 minutes thereafter.
His third goal was scored from miles out, relatively speaking - around 14 yards. He fought for a loose ball with Hmami, waited for it to bounce and lobbed it sweetly over Passant. That was a delightful finish.
GOAL! Marine 0-4 Spurs (Vinicius 37)
A first-half hat-trick for Carlos Vinicius!
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37 min “People have noticed James Joyce at left-back and Neil Young in the dugout,” says Milo Nesbitt, “but Marine also have a substitute called David Lynch. One to watch.”
Gotta light?
36 min: Great block from Rodon! Now it’s all about whether Marine can get a consolation goal. They almost manage it when Barrigan picks up a loose ball on the right and plays an inviting angled pass to Joyce, whose stinging first-time shot from the edge of the area is brilliantly blocked by Rodon.
36 min Dele Alli couldn’t win today, but it would be remiss not to point out that he has been the best player on the pitch so far.
34 min “Hi Rob,” says Meredith. “Wanted to point out a fun factoid for today: a Spurs fan, blog, Cartilage Free Captain raised the $ to sponsor Marine’s shorts for the match. The blog’s logo is the patch you can see on the back of their shorts. Info here. That the blog is named after Ledley King, who is there coaching Spurs adds yet another layer of fun to it all.”
Lucas Moura makes it 3-0 with a sizzling free-kick. It was just outside the D, slightly to the right of centre, and Moura whipped a beauty into the far corner. Passant had no chance.
GOAL! Marine 0-3 Spurs (Lucas Moura 33)
Have a heart lads.
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32 min “Re: John Parker’s comment about Thomas Frank testing positive and the ‘arrogance’ of Jose Mourinho not isolating,” says Ben Hayward. “The rules define someone as being a contact and having to isolate if they were in contact with the person testing positive up to two days before the test. On that basis, Jose is fine (Tues pm being >2 days before Friday), and doing what he should be. I think it’s worth pointing out what the actual rules are so people know what they are obliged to do, rather than unjustly attacking Mourinho for being arrogant. Not that he isn’t arrogant, but when you’ve got so many reasons to call him arrogant choose one that’s accurate rather than spreading misinformation.”
Carlos Vinicius gets another one-yard tap-in. Dele Alli was again the provider with a delicious pass over the defence to find Doherty. He stretched to sidefoot a volley that was was brilliantly saved by Passant, but Vinicius gobbled up the rebound.
GOAL! Marine 0-2 Tottenham (Vinicius 30)
Romance RIP.
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27 min Gelson Fernandes blooters the ball over the bar from 20 yards.
25 min “Adam Levine is making jokes about people who share names with musicians?” sniffs Matt Dony. “Marine 5?”
Carlos Vinicius walks the ball into the net to give Spurs the lead. Alli played a one-two in the inside-right channel and slid a superb low cross to find the unmarked Vinicius six yards out at the far post. He made a total mess of his attempted shot but took advantage of a lucky ricochet and walked round Passant to score.
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GOAL! Marine 0-1 Spurs (Vinicius 23)
Ach.
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21 min Marine appeal for a free-kick/penalty when a cross hits Fernandes’s hand right on the edge of the area. Michael Oliver doesn’t give it and there’s no VAR today. I don’t think it was a handball, and even if it was it might have been outside the box. But these are encouraging signs for Marine.
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20 min: Kengni hits the bar! Marine almost took the lead in sensational circumstances. Kengni received the ball on the halfway line and started to run at a backpedalling defence. When he got to within 30 yards of goal he put his entire body into a swirling shot that was deliberately left by Joe Hart, who thought it was going over. It wasn’t: it dipped onto the top of the bar and bounced straight up in the air, forcing Hart to push the rebound behind for a corner.
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19 min “Marine have a player named James Joyce in the starting lineup,” says Peter Oh. “Spurs are, literarily, toast.”
18 min Gelson Fernandes slices a cross straight out of play. Marine are doing really well at the moment; Spurs, for all their possession, haven’t had a clear chance.
15 min It’s Marine 0-0 Tottenham Hotspur, in an FA Cup association football match, and if that’s not breaking news then I don’t know what is.
14 min Marine win a free-kick just past the halfway line, their first set-piece opportunity of sorts. Hmami curls it into the area and Davies heads clear.
13 min “Hi Rob,” says Adam Levine. “So Neil Young is managing Marine? Ah, the Ragged Glory of the FA Cup. Is Tonight the Night for them? If they can get a win here they could be On the Beach tomorrow. And of course Joe Hart at some point this evening will be asking himself the question Why do I keep F@#%ing Up?”
Poor Joe Hart. He used to be a national treasure, sort of.
12 min So far, so good for Marine. I’m not sure they can keep this up for 45 minutes, never mind 90, but for now they’ll be very happy.
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11 min “On Tuesday night, Jose Mourinho was having a touchline bromance with Brentford manager Thomas Frank,” says John Parker. “On Friday, Frank was revealed to have tested positive for Covid. In the real world, Mourinho would be legally obliged to self-isolate. On Planet Football, Mourinho is in Crosby. I have loved football for sixty years. Right now, I loathe the complacency, arrogance and contempt for the rest of us that is being shown.”
The complacency is a big problem I think. It’s probable that somebody involved in the Premier League will die of Covid in the next few months, and then what happens?
9 min Lucas Moura adds a bit of electricity with a fine run past two players. He reaches the edge of the area and lashes a shot just over the bar.
8 min White’s corner is punched away by Passant.
6 min Doherty and Vinicius combine well to tee up Alli, who shoots straight at Passant from 20 yards.
6 min It’s been a reasonable start for Marine. They’ve barely had a kick, but their defence has kept Spurs at arm’s length. The last thing they want to do is concede an early romance-killer.
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5 min Harvey White’s free-kick hits the top of the wall and spins to safety.
4 min Gelson Fernandes is hoofed up in the air by Hughes, giving Spurs a free-kick 25 yards from goal.
2 min One of the Marine supporters is already fiddling with a smartphone. I bet that didn’t happen in Ronnie Radford’s day.
1 min Peep peep! Tottenham Hotspur kick off against Marine AFC.
The players are out on the field. There’s no official crowd but those who live in the surrounding houses are making plenty of noise. There are big dumb smiles plastered across their faces, and quite right too. This is the game of a lifetime.
The teams in (possible) formation
Marine (5-4-1) Passant; Solomon-Davies, Hughes, Raven, Miley, Joyce; Kengni, Hmami, Kengni, Devine, Barrigan; Cummins.
Substitutes: Doyle, Mendes, Strickland, Wignall, Shaw, Howard, Campbell, Lynch.
Tottenham Hotspur (4-2-3-1) Hart; Doherty, Alderweireld, Rodon, Davies; Sissoko, White; Fernandes, Alli, Lucas Moura; Vinicius.
Substitutes: Reguilon, Sanchez, Son, Bale, Gazzaniga, Tanganga, Ndombele, Clarke, Devine.
Referee Michael Oliver.
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#MARTOT pic.twitter.com/8dmpOJRQp1
— Jamie Carragher (@Carra23) January 10, 2021
“Ths year ends in one,” says Niall Mullen, “so that means it’s Tottenham’s year. (Please check the sell-by-date on this aphorism.)”
“Hi Rob,” says Gary Naylor. “As a teenager, Marine was my local club. I would watch the team of Roly Howard (he cleaned Kenny Dalglish’s windows - as Granada’s Kick Off would remind us every couple of years or so) on cold weekends. I recall the rain seeping into my shoes once, getting so cold that even the chip shop fare bought opposite the turnstiles failed to warm me.
“Waterloo Rugby Club is nearby and Northern Cricket Club, with championship level golf links stretching up the coast from Blundellsands to Ainsdale, Liverpool’s golden age coinciding with the Victorians’ organising of sports into competitive structures.You can still see their money and confidence 150 years on.
“I took it all for granted with the insouciance of youth - I don’t now.”
The @SpursOfficial players warming up on the hallowed MTA turf! #COYM pic.twitter.com/WW6ZWnNQOt
— Marine Football Club (@MarineAFC) January 10, 2021
There’s already been one appreciable shock today
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“Afternoon Rob,” says Guy Hornsby. “I wonder what Gareth Bale is thinking about this afternoon. When he agreed his loan from the Bernabeu, I doubt he thought he’d be on the bench at Marine. The FA Cup is still magical but speaking as a Spurs fan, I’d like to think we’ve had our upset already. It’s such a crying shame there’s no fans in today. Life, eh.”
Pre-match reading
Team news
Here’s our line-up for the big game! @EmiratesFACup #COYM pic.twitter.com/7DKnhVDbXn
— Marine Football Club (@MarineAFC) January 10, 2021
𝗧𝗘𝗔𝗠 𝗡𝗘𝗪𝗦 ⚪ Hart, Doherty, Alderweireld, Rodon, Davies (C), Sissoko, White, Gedson, Dele, Lucas, Vinicius.@WilliamHill latest (18+):https://t.co/XmZWEmB3dm#THFC ⚪️ #COYS pic.twitter.com/7hPrePo1JL
— Tottenham Hotspur (@SpursOfficial) January 10, 2021
Preamble
Hello. Donald Trump? Not interested! Covid-19? Do one! For the next few hours we are all eligible for a spiritual vaccine that will briefly enable us to forget real life and lose ourselves in romance. It’s Marine v Spurs, Marine v Mourinho, or - if you’re into the whole football pyramid thing - 165th v fourth.
Marine are sixth in the Northern Premier League Division One North West, the eighth tier of English football, and the 161 places between the teams is an FA Cup record. Ergo, if Marine win today it will be the greatest shock in FA Cup history.
In truth - here comes the schmaltz, don’t bother trying to fight it - they’ve already won. Even in the festival of goodwill that is FA Cup third round, it’s hard to recall a similar level of nationwide support and enthusiasm for an underdog before the match has even started. Marine surely won’t win the actual football bit, and that’s fine. But just imagine if they do.
Kick off 5pm.
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