Queen of everything Mariah Carey is tottering her way on to reality TV in four-inch heels. But Mariah’s World is no bog-standard fly-on-the-wall affair – as the trailer promises, it’s an “eight-part event of global proportions”. Spoiler alert: this diva doesn’t do things by halves. With X Factor bereft after Honey G’s exit and Carol Vorderman braying on about her “bush cock” in I’m A Celebrity, escapist (or as the haters might call it, trash) telly needs an intervention. Make way, then, for the sedan chair hoisted by half-naked dancers. On it lies Mariah’s World, rewriting the rules of reality TV. Here’s how the one-woman show is revamping the genre…
The diva is back
Keeping an army of fluffy pets in the dressing room, only being seen in the right lighting, and living life solely in heels: the star out-Mariahs herself by playing up to the diva image. “You know they always make up stories about how I want puppies delivered?” she purrs in one scene. “It’d be so cute to have puppies here.” In another, she’s demanding white tigers and albino elephants for her wedding to the seldom-seen business mogul James Packer. It’s all done with a knowing wink, but she then wonders whether people will realise she’s joking. Too late mate, the menagerie’s on its way.
The talking head is dead
From homegrown humping hymn Geordie Shore to WWE feud-fest Total Divas, reality telly is stitched together by that modern-day Shakespearean soliloquy, the chat to camera. No green screen for Mariah: she delivers her bulletins from her fainting couch. Yes, she has a fainting couch. Do the Kardashians have a fainting couch? They’ll definitely be ordering one after this.
An ensemble cast is so last year
Hit reality TV relies on family dynamics and dramas, but Mariah has enough material without all that jazz. There are fleeting appearances from “Dem Babies” (that’s her five-year-old twins Monroe and Moroccan) and mentions of Packer, but who needs them? Mariah’s a one-woman Osbournes.
The ‘momager’ is over
From Kardashian matriarch Kris Jenner to Christina Milian’s scary mum Carmen, the momager (that’s mom/manager) is the driving force behind many reality TV stars. Mariah goes one better with her show-stealing manager, the formidable Stella “Slash” Bulochnikov. “There’s no crying allowed in my office,” she decrees. From pre-nup wrangles to choosing backing dancers, Stella runs the show and don’t you go crossing her.
Dressing down is out
Mariah in athleisure? No fear. While Kim, Khloé and Kourtney tend to lie around in cashmere tracksuits on their day off, even when she’s lounging around the house Mimi refuses to dress down. “Is this a normal outfit for people to wear?” Mariah says, flashing a bare leg and stiletto heel as she reclines on what she likes to call her “chaise lounge” in a corset.
The meme is king
“Mariah Carey was so upset she threw her diamonds against the wall!” screeches Mimi in one meme-worthy scene. Mariah’s life is not only fun, but full of moments that are infinitely shareable on social media. From pouring cocktails down the necks of ripped dancers and learning dance moves that involve touching “the sideboob”, to disembarking a plane with a glass of red wine in hand, full-length spangly gown on and her hair blown as if she’s strategically placed a wind machine on the runway (which she probably has), everything’s done with a wink and the knowledge that it could become an internet-breaking gif within minutes.
Don’t rip up the rulebook
In a world where reality TV laws now cover such pedestrian issues as urinating in the Big Brother shower, Mariah’s OTT edicts are a breath of fresh air. “I have a rule which states that I will not be seen in fluorescent lighting without sunglasses,” she says. When she wants the cameras to stop rolling, her “It’s done” hand gracefully flips into action. And nobody can argue with that.
Mariah’s World is on hayu.com from Monday 5 December and on E! from Sunday 11 Dec
