Anyhow, thanks all for your company - merry Christmas, happy Chanukah and fine Festivus. Bye!
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Looking at the big picture, this was a decent afternoon for both teams. United have remembered and learnt how to win, while Sunderland have remembered and learnt how to compete. It would be quite some achievement if they got themselves relegated despite a proven goalscorer up front and look to me as though they’ll be ok - they’re beginning to resemble a David Moyes team, in the best possible way.
“Quite a lot of storylines in the Premier League today,” says NBC’s anchor, which is why we’re all here. Anyway, United have now won four league games in a row, but stay 6th in the table, level on points with Spurs, who play on Wednesday; Sunderland stay 18th.
Full-time: Manchester United 3-1 Sunderland
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90+3 min Ibrahimovic slides a pass through to Mkhitaryan, who looks like he’s on skates, and Kone pulls him down; that might be a red card, but Van Aanholt was on the scene too, so the yellow that arrives is fair. Ibrahimovic demands the free-kick, central and on the edge of the box, drilling through the wall but straight at Pickford.
90+2 min Time elapses.
WHAT A GOAL! Manchester United 3-1 Sunderland (Borini, 90)
Denayer, who’s looked lively, rushes across the face of the box from left to right and swings over a cross that Rojo heads clear. But Borini is there on the edge, controlling with his chest and then, as the ball bounces up, walloping with his laces into the far top corner!
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89 min Sunderland make another change, Love on for Ndong.
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87 min Incidentally, Mkhitaryan was offside as the cross came over - a lucky chance, as otherwise, he could just have headed it.
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OH MY DAYS WHAT A GOAL! Manchester United 3-0 Sunderland (Mkhitaryan, 86)
This is wondrous! Zlatan pulls right and crosses - behind Mkhitaryan, who simply scorpion kicks over his head and past Pickford into the corner for not just a brilliant goal but a unique one. Remarkably, it turns out that he’s quite good at football after all.
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84 min Herrera is replaced by Fellaini, who gets a little, but still some stick from the home crowd.
83 min Change for Sunderland, Khaziri replacing Larsson.
GOAL! Manchester United 2-0 Sunderland (Ibrahimovic, 82)
Pogba does very well, closing down Ndong and Kone as they mess about on halfway and robbing them to set up a 2v1, him and Zlatan v Djalobodji. Eventually, the pass comes, Zlatan then drawing Pickford - it’s a pretty good likeness, too - before waiting until the last second to pass an expert’s finish into the far corner.
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81 min I’ve seen better games.
80 min Defoe barges past Blind, holding him off by holding his shirt before falling over and winning a free-kick. Larsson will take it, 40 yards out and right of centre, but his cross is too shallow and Ibrahimovic heads clear.
79 min Anichebe is winning everything in the air, however many men jump with him, and he knocks another one down, only this time Herrera is on hand to snaffle the loose ball.
77 min Sunderland have been much better these last ten minutes, limiting United’s chances and putting them under pressure, even if they’ve not created very much.
75 min Incidentally, Chelsea now lead Bournemouth 2-0, while Arsenal are drawing 0-0 with West Brom. Everton are 1-0-up at Leicester, West Ham now lead Swansea 2-0, and every other match is goalless.
74 min And there it is: Martial replaces Mata.
72 min Again, Anichebe holds the ball up, and wins a corner - United won’t want to concede too many of them, or shouldn’t. Larsson takes it, clipping towards the edge of the box where Anichebe waits, but Rojo nips in to clear.
71 min Anichebe seems to be making more of an effort to get into the box now, and he’s all over Valencia in nodding down a high ball. Denayer, chasing after it, has strayed offside, but that was promising from the visitors.
69 min Light warning for United, Defoe burning past Jones and looking to bundle through Rojo, who eventually sees him away.
68 min Mkhitaryan has made a difference, and he’s found on the left by Pogba, with a clever, arcing, low pass. He can’t quite get his feet right, though, and digs out a cross that’s easily headed clear.
65 min For a brilliant finisher, Ibrahimovic isn’t much of a brilliant finisher, and there he goes again, played in by Mkhitaryan at inside-right. But his low shot, aimed towards the far corner, is kicked away superbly by Pickford - who shouldn’t really have smelt it.
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64 min Pogba finagles his way along the right by-line and jabs a low cross that Pickford does brilliantly to poke away from Mkhitaryan, before Denayer intercedes ahead of Mata.
63 min Sunderland are growing in confidence as they did through the first half, but when an attack breaks down, United spring forward, Mata lifting a crossfield pass for Mkhitaryan, who comes inside and curls a low shot just wide of the far post.
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62 min Well, he might yet - it’s Lingard who departs.
60 min United have slowed down a little, and the fear hasn’t even set in yet. Mourinho spots it, and readies Mkhitaryan - presumably he’ll replace Mata, who has yet to complete a game this season.
59 min Lingard and Denayer swap sentiments and then Lingard breaks with Ibrahimovic to his right and an unmarked Mata to his left; he picks the former, as you might if you were him. But it’s the wrong decision, Djilobodji sliding in to clear.
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58 min Sunderland need to get Anichebe into the game; this is my favourite Anichebe goal. Kop for that segue.
57 min Kone and Ibrahimovic find themselves in a tangle with the former crunching a ballboy. It’s pretty hilarious, I don’t mind telling you.
55 min David Moyes needs to change this, because if he doesn’t, Sunderland will concede again. Perhaps he can go three at the back, keeping five in midfield and going with two up front.
52 min Sunderland have barely had a kick this half, and United almost score again when Mata takes a ball from Valencia, slipping outside his man before sliding forward to Ibrahimovic - who slashes a shot over the bar.
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50 min A second goal looks imminent as first, Lingard plays Herrera in, only for his shot to be blocked, the second, Herrera crosses from the right and Pogba heads over the bar.
49 min It’s faintly ridiculous to even assert it, but Paul Pogba is some player. He’s been excellent so far today, as he has in pretty much every game for the past six weeks.
47 min United create another shooting opportunity, Pogba sending it wide, and then another, Ibrahimovic pulling right and taking a man out of the middle before squaring for the aforementioned Pogba. Done right, he’s in, but the pass is just behind, forcing a check, and the opportunity disappears.
46 min Immediately, United attack, Pogba lasering a low pass for Valencia, who crosses towards the near post. And Zlatan is there, but can’t quite decide whether to attempt a shot or hold it up, so does neither.
46 min Shabba!
The players are sneaking out of the tunnel. The second half is almost upon us.
Half-time entertainment:
Elsewhere, Chelsea lead Bournemouth 1-0 and West Ham are ahead by the same score at Swansea.
Half-time: Manchester United 1-0 Sunderland
United have played much worse than against Stoke, Arsenal and Burnley, games they drew, but still lead. Sunderland, though, look to have something about them, and for as long as they can avoid conceding again, are right in this.
45+3 min Mata runs past Denayer - that should incur the defender an immediate fine - and then collapses when someone different catches his heels from behind. Free-kick, right of centre and just outside the box, which Mata takes himself, curling a low effort towards the far post that Pickford dives to push away.
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45+2 min Oh this is very nice, Valencia moving into Zlatan who pokes into the box for Pogba; back to goal, he flicks up for himself and flips into a scissors kick that’s flies just over the top.
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45 min There shall be three added minutes.
45 min Sunderland have played well but could use half-time here - United are beginning to flow, relatively speaking at least.
43 min Blind is so very much better than Darmian, and again he eases down the left, swinging in a low cross that Pickford reaches before Ibrahimovic.
42 min United look to have found an extra bit of zip, Valencia battering down the wing and snapping back a cross that Ibrahimovic is first to - but only once no one else has bothered attacking it. Instead, he seeks Lingard, who’d wandered offside.
GOAL! Manchester United 1-0 Sunderland (Blind, 39)
This is a very well-taken goal. Rojo charges forward again and this time, for reasons known best to himself, opts not to blaze a shot over the bar, instead flicking to Ibrahimovic outside him. The ball is then held up and nipped into the path of the onrushing Blind who, with very little space in which to operate, controls and swipes a low shot into the far corner.
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38 min Blind crosses from the left and Djilobodji’s header away is weak, dropping for Pogba, who volleys just over.
36 min United are dropping deeper as Sunderland grow in confidence, which gives Pogba plenty of room to charge into when they break. He simply humps the ball into space and hurtles after it before finding Zlatan, taking a return, and driving a low shot which Pickford parries.
33 min Blind stretches down the left and moves the ball inside for Ibrahimovic, whose rolls for Valencia is undercooked and Van Aanholt easily intercepts.
31 min Sunderland smell a chance here. They can actually attack and not worry too much about getting countered because United are neither quick nor decisive on the break.
29 min And here come Sunderland! Defoe drops off and clips a lovely ball over the top, and when Blind’s header doesn’t clear, Anichebe has a shooting chance from just a few yards out. But to take it he needs to swivel, and that makes the chance a hard one - he doesn’t get a decent connection, allowing De Gea to save before Borini slashes the loose ball miles from anywhere.
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27 min But now there is! Pogba, just outside the box and left of centre, nips a ball that hits Lingard and drops back into his path. So he unfurls a rasper of a curler which flicks off Larsson and clips the far post. His ability to shoot from distance is ludicrous.
25 min There is not a whole lot eventuating at this moment in time, for me.
23 min I know I tried to understand it earlier, but I don’t really understand why United would leave out Mkhitaryan and Martial from this one. They aren’t good enough to mess about.
21 min Mata and Pickford wait for Valencia’s high ball to drop, so Kone chugs over and barges little Juan to the ground. Various claims for a penalty follow, but it was no such thing - the ball was in playing distance so Kone was well within his rights to intervene as he did.
19 min Anichebe muscles past Blind, who brings him down close to the edge of the box, well right of centre. Blind is booked, as various players gather in “Seb Larsson Territory”. But Van Aanholt takes the shot instead as Anichebe barges Blind out of the wall, forcing De Gea to dive and shove clear.
17 min Herrera snaps a pass into Pogba, who steps over it - leaving it for Djilabodji, who charges forward to much mirth. But Valencia makes an excellent tackle and seconds later is on the end of a delicious pass spread to him by Pogba. But his cross ends up behind, for a corner which is wasted, and then Pickford picks out Defoe close to the centre-circle. His control is fantastic too, killing the ball and transferring it into his stride in one touch. And he makes room for the shot, now at inside-left, slicing across it and sending it high past the near post.
16 min “If there have been questions about Patrick van Aanholt in his career, it’s been defensively” - says my commentator of an, er, defender.
14 min Good spell from Sunderland, who have the ball and try to do something with it, finding Defoe just on the right of the box. He crosses, but doesn’t get hold of it properly, directing it directly towards De Gea.
13 min Sunderland win a corner down the right and it causes minor panic inside the United box, the loose ball eventually dropping to Djilobodji, whose drive is blocked, before Rojo nicks away from Anichebe as he prepares to shoot.
11 min Anichebe carries on, massaging himself on the shoulder
9 min Victor Anichebe is been beaten to a header by Phil Jones and falls awkwardly - he looks in a lot of pain indeed, and there’s a pause while he receives treatment.
8 min United are knocking it about as Sunderland sit deep, eventually finding Mata. His cross is headed clear by Van Aanholt, the loose ball thrashed wide by Carrick.
6 min Rojo bustles forward and inepts a shot well over the top. He should probably stick to toast.
5 min United move down the left before a stray Blind cross makes its way over to Valencia on the other side. He then slides a ball forward for Pogba, who smacks a low cross at Pickford, who can’t hold it but can smother thereafter.
3 min Really nice from United, Rojo half-volleying forward for Zlatan, who touches first time square to Lingard. In the meantime, Pogba is lanking in behind, and Lingard does his best to find him with a sidefooted pass, but gets too much on it.
2 min Contrary to popular stereotype, it looks like Sunderland are playing 4-5-1, with Anichebe on the right.
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1 min Antonio Valencia is doing his best to ruin everyone’s Christmas, wearing short sleeves and gloves.
1 min I’m gonna get you baby, I’m gonna get you yes I am!
David Moyes has exchanged embraces with Fred the Red. Choking up, here.
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Let’s get the boys on the baize! Here they come!
Thinking about sacking off composing witty, erudite and original updates to just cut and paste the discussion taking place next to my stream. It’s pretty peak, I don’t mind telling youse.
The brilliant fanzine United We Stand has a proper sitdown with José Mourinho. You can read about that here:
And you can subscribe to the mag here.
Robbie Earle reckons Sunderland will be happy with a point. More news as I get it.
On which point, the riff to Careless Whisper has got to be one of the greatest moments in musical history; what are the others?
Here’s one:
While-u-wait:
Sunderland, meanwhile, might just have the strike partnership to bother United. Phil Jones and Marcos Rojo have been impressive recently, but not against much; Victor Anichebe and Jermain Defoe, on the other hand, offer pace, power, instinct and intelligence. The question is whether they can be got the ball.
It matters a bit; like lots of things, it matters when things aren’t going well. Either way, though, it matters most when there’s no pace around him, and today there won’t be much; just Jesse Lingard. Perhaps Jose Mourinho reckons Sunderland will defend deep, and as such, guile is more important, but the visitors will not have been cowed looking at United’s front three.
But is he really? He’s scoring goals, sure, but is he doing much else? Does it matter?
Apparently Zlatan Ibrahimovic is playing quite well at the moment. No one’s really mentioned it much, so here’s a précis.
Na all the Goals wey Zlatan Ibrahimovic don score for Manchester United so far
— Man United In Pidgin (@ManUtdInPidgin) December 26, 2016
RETWEET U fit bless person TLpic.twitter.com/BRoYAKPYNR #MUFC
So what does it all mean? Well, United make two changes: Daley Blind replaces Matteo Darmian at left-back, though quite why it’s taken this long no one knows, and Juan Mata is in for Wayne Rooney <insert gag here>.
Two changes for Sunderland, too. At right-back, it’s Billy Jones not Donald Love, and in midfield, it’s Seb Larsson not the ineligible Adnan Januzaj.
Lovers and leavers
Manchester United (a pedestrian 4-3-3): De Gea; Valencia, Jones, Rojo, Blind; Carrick, Herrera, Pogba; Mata, Ibrahimovic, Lingard. Subs: Romero, Darmian, Smalling, Fellaini, Mkhitaryan, Martial, Rashford.
Sunderland (a surprisingly original and nuanced 4-4-2): Pickford; Jones, Van Aanholt, Djilobodji, Kone; Denayer, Ndong, Borini, Larsson; Anichebe, Defoe. Subs: Mannone, Love, Asoro, O’Shea, Kaziri, Embleton, Honeyman.
Doing his best: Martin Atkinson (Bradford)
Preamble
Existing can be a tricky little process, what with the need to deal with others, what with the need to deal with ourselves. They mess things up, we mess things up, everything gets messed up, then we die.
The inevitability of such charade should allow us to take it easy, moving on when things go wrong because that’s just what happens. We’re fallible, things are fallible, and most of them aren’t very important anyway. But we just can’t help ourselves, obsessed with our reality such as to turn failure from comedy into tragedy.
Consider David Moyes, for example, appointed manager of Manchester United for no compelling reason; by way of comparison, his predecessor had to break the Old Firm and win a European trophy at a time when United were rubbish, not the runaway champions. What followed was the absolute excruciation that is watching a decent man flounder, squandering the chance of his life - the chance of a million lives - in a slowmotion churn of crosses and excuses.
Since then, there has been not one error admitted, no iota of responsibility taken. And really, could it be any other way? How else could one go on?
Kick-off: 3pm GMT
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