That’s your lot from this one.
Now, over to Nick Ames for the clockwatch of all the 3pm games from up and down the lands, dipping into the Football League and other such exotic places.
Updated
Well, that was one of the better 0-0 draws you’ll see. United never quite got their attacking play together, although they did put Newcastle under plenty of pressure, especially towards the end. Newcastle defended in a most stout manner, and threatened on the counter towards the end - an excellent point for McClaren’s men.
Full-time: Manchester United 0-0 Newcastle United
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
90 mins + 3: Valencia clips a cross over to the back stick for Rooney, whose header back into the box eventually finds Carrick on the edge, but his shot is deflected just wide. Cracking end to the game this.
90 mins + 1: ....And suddenly Newcastle have a three-on-two counter. Cisse makes a bit of space for himself and slightly scuffs the shot, which trickles across goal and is just too far in front of the diving Thauvin.
90 mins: One last push for United. Mbemba heads behind for a corner, which is whipped over and Smalling’s header hits the post! So very close!
88 mins: Change for Newcastle. Mitrovic is off and Papiss Cisse is on, meaning nobody wins the card sweepstakes, and the glory on the line rolls over to next time.
87 mins: Alamo stuff now from United. They pile on the pressure, but the latest attack ends when Rooney is - a little harshly - penalised for bundling Colback over in the Newcastle box. He then drops a big ol’ C-bomb in the direction of the ref, which earns him a talking to.
85 mins: Must be for United...but no! A cross falls to Valencia at the far post, about eight yards out and the net prepares to billow, but his shot is blocked by Coloccini, who didn’t know a huge amount about it.
83 mins: Hernandez and Mata delightfully exchange some passes on the right side of the box, the trouble being that they forget to take a shot to make use of the interplay. Groans of frustration around the ground.
81 mins: Depay loops a cross from deep on the left, looking for the aerial might of, erm, Hernandez, but it floats way over his head and Krul claims.
79 mins: “Attack! Attack! Attack attack attack!” Urge the home crowd. And the home team take their advice, as a blocked Mata shot falls to Hernandez in the box and with a clear sight of goal, he takes a left-footed shot but Krul is down quickly and makes a fine save with his legs. Should’ve scored, there.
77 mins: Subs for both teams - Antonio Valencia comes on for Darmian for United, while Chieick Tiote is on for Perez.
76 mins: United certainly looking livelier after a quiet spell. Some delightful work on the edge of the box sets up Shaw with a shooting chance, which he attempts with the outside of his left foot, but it goes straight at Krul.
75 mins: Bit of pinball in the Newcastle box. Depay can’t get a header on goal at the back stick, it falls to Mata who volleys, it hits Depay and could’ve gone anywhere. But it went wide.
73 mins: Nice counter by United finds Rooney on the left of the box, he clips a cross to the far post where Mata runs onto it and volleys an effort, but it sails high and wide.
72 mins: Mata tumbles in the box under the challenge of Colback, but it looked like the Newcastle man got the ball there.
71 mins: Thauvin and Mbemba combine on the right to win a corner, but the delivery is claimed in a fuss-free manner by Romero, who hasn’t shown much of the circus clown act we’ve been promised.
70 mins: Shaw slips, Thauvin whips past him...well, at least he would’ve done had the United left-back not pulled him down. Yellow card.
69 mins: All gone a little quiet now. A sub for Newcastle, with Obertan off and new signing Florian Thauvin on in place of him. A wildcard this one, by all accounts.
67 mins: Sub for United, Januzaj departs, Javier Hernandez replaces him.
64 mins: That corner finds Smalling on the edge of the six-yard box, but he can’t quite get the shot on target and it’s hoofed away. Januzaj tries to skip around Mbemba, falls over but for reasons passing understanding isn’t penalised for the dive.
63 mins: Depay’s play is utterly predictable, but he seems quick enough to make it work. He tries the old cut in, shoot effort, but it’s deflected over for a corner.
62 mins: Scott Stricker floats one: “What are the chances of Everton being open to a Lukaku/Rooney swap?”
Are you watching Ed Woodward?
60 mins: Mitrovic and Schneiderlin collide, which is a little like two massive boulders smacking into each other. Both seem fine. Darmian makes a nice run down the right but Coloccini gets across well to make the clearance.
58 mins: Depay hits the wall from the free kick, then he tries a cross to the back stick for Smalling, but the flag goes up. Replays suggest that was, at best, tight, if not utterly wrong. Meanwhile, Michael Carrick is on for Schweinsteiger.
Updated
57 mins: Depay yomps inside from the left and past Mbemba, and is eventually bundled to the floor by Obertan. The former Man U man gets a booking, which seems a touch harsh. Free kick from about 25 yards out, three or four wide of the left-hand post.
55 mins: Mata plays a delicious reverse pass on the right side of the box, looking for Darmian, but the full-back is sleeping a little and can’t quite get on the end of it.
53 mins: Excellent stuff as Anita judos Januzaj to the floor, then prevents the forward from taking the inevitable free kick, and somehow gets away with all of it. Hats off sir.
52 mins: Newcastle begin what looks like a promising counter, but it’s eventually halted after a poor cross from Mbemba floats gently into Romero’s hands, like a leaf in the summer breeze.
Meanwhile, Prateek Chadha writes: “Rooney really needs to do more. He is so static and the lack of forward runs from him is really compressing the play. It is all very well for LVG to praise him for his honest assessment of his own form, but unless he improves, he will be reduced to assessing other people’s form as a commentator sooner rather than later.”
50 mins: Some nifty work from Darmian down the right earns a corner for United, but some poor crossing - firstly from the corner, then afterwards from the next phase - from Depay means the attack comes to nowt.
48 mins: Shaw tries to barrel his way into the box from the left, but he’s stopped. In a curious break from the norm, Mitrovic is fouled by Schweinsteiger.
46 mins: And we’re away for the second-half.
Half-time reading, here’s Andy Hunter’s interview with Romelu Lukaku:
If you want to be one of the best you have to look at the best,” explains Lukaku. “For me at the moment that’s men like Diego Costa and Agüero. Costa because he has that combativity. He terrorises defences just with a look in his opponent’s eye. With Agüero he can run in behind, come to feet, hold the ball, dribble past a few players. That is what I like. You have to look at these players and think ‘What do you have that I don’t?’ and add it to your game. I have the potential but it has to come out.
“I want that competition. I want to fight. I will look at someone who’s in front of me, someone who’s better, like Agüero, and think what do they have that’s better than me because I want to be better than them. If you don’t have ambition to be one of the best, someone will always come and take your place. There are a million players in the world who want to play in the Premier League, or even just be in the squad, so why not have that ambition?”
Tragically though, Mitrovic is yet to be booked, which rules out most of our sweepstakers from the running.
Well, United should really be ahead here. They’ve had a phalanx of chances, and only some final third indecision has prevented them from scoring. Newcastle have tightened up since the early parts of the half, and do look rather dangerous on the break.
Half time: Manchester United 0-0 Newcastle United
Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
45 mins: United counter at a fair lick down the left, and for a moment they’re three-on-three. The ball is cut back to an advancing Depay on the edge of the area, but a combination of Dutch dithering and decisive defence from Coloccini means the chances goes the way of the wind.
44 mins: David Young - who’s getting married in a couple of weeks: everyone say ‘congratulations David’ - writes: “Depay looks, well, magnificent.”
Ahem.
42 mins: No.
41 mins: Mbemba slides a ball through for Wijnaldum but he’s muscled out by Smalling. The ball falls to Perez who shoots low across goal, it goes wide for a goal kick, but ho! What’s this? The referee seems to think Romero tipped that round the post, when he did no such thing. Can Newcastle capitalise on this gift corner?
39 mins: Haidara dashes down the left to try and create some panic and chaos, but can only win a corner after Blind slices a clearance out of play.
37 mins: Darmian makes a nice run down the right and whips over a cross, but it’s just too high for Rooney in the middle. Januzaj, however, is down and looks hurt.
Meanwhile, the Guardian’s Ian McCourt can get effed: “Hi Nick, just in case you are wondering while doing your MBM, outside the sun is shining hard and I am about to hit up London Fields to drink some cold beers.”
35 mins: Romero almost gets himself into a terrific tizzy after he dashes out to the left of the box to try and take the ball away from Obertan, but the former Old Trafford hero gets there first and Romero is only spared some pretty blushy blushes by an offside flag.
34 mins: Not sure if it says more about his own frustration or the relative lack of noise at Old Trafford that McClaren’t shouts from the touchline are very clearly audible. Perez hoys in a cross from deep looking for Mitrovic at the back stick, but it sails long.
32 mins: Blind tries a shot from way downtown, but there’s a dull thunk as it hits a defender and goes clear. Colback passes to Perez, Perez falls over, the inevitable comedy and tragedy of man is writ large.
31 mins: Schweinsteiger has been limping around after a knock on his foot, but he looks OK now. Sure, not the most interesting update, but not a great deal is happening on the pitch right now.
29 mins: Mbemba dispossesses Depay and tries to make tracks up the pitch, but a curious pass aiming for Mitrovic goes awry and the attack withers.
26 mins: Excellent game so far this. Newcastle counter at some pace down the right, but while Obertan can’t quite create a chance he does win a corner. And from that corner, Mitrovic once again wins the ball in the air, but this time his header goes well wide.
25 mins: And now close for United, as Depay takes the ball around Krul, but his touch takes him a little wide and Mbemba does brilliantly to get back in and make a goal-saving tackle.
24 mins: Sweet fancy Moses that was close! A booming cross comes over from the right, by Mbemba, finds Mitrovic in the box and his header flies past Romero and thwacks against the bar. Close, close, close.
22 mins: Depay flips the ball around Mbemba and opens himself up for the shot, but his effort is extremely tame and straight at Krul. Rooney was screaming for the thing in the middle, to no avail.
Updated
20 mins: Delightful stuff from Newcastle as Wijnaldum flicks into the area for Haidara, but the full-back is beaten to it by Blind, who clears and is fouled, which leads to a yellow card for Haidara.
18 mins: The first yellow of the day...and it’s to Darmian, who goes into the book for tipping Haidara over on the Newcastle left, just level with the edge of the area.
16 mins: Rooney finds a bit of space on the edge of the box, but his shot is straight at Krul. Newcastle are incredibly open at the moments, and United might be slightly cross that they aren’t already ahead.
15 mins: Depay uses the fierce spin on the ball to get around his man, and the ball eventually finds Mata in the box, and he sneaks a shot towards the near-post which Krul gets down well to save.
“It was around 10’ when they first mentioned McClaren’s Dutch accent,” writes Matt Richman of the telly commentators. “What were the odds on that?”
13 mins: Nice interplay between Depay and Mata on the United right, but the latter’s low cross is blocked by Haidara. United have looked decent in their approach play so far, but haven’t quite penetrated so far.
12 mins: Mata curls it around the wall, but Kurl makes the sort of save you’d expect to see in the pre-match warm-up.
11 mins: Darmian darts in from the right and runs at goal, but is rather emphatically legged up by Perez. Chance around 25 yards out for either Mata or Depay here.
9 mins: McClaren has started the game in the stands, rather than the dugout. Not sure if he’s got his big phone down to the touchline yet, though.
7 mins: Nice play from United, as Depay, Mata and Rooney combine rather neatly on the left, but Coloccini nips in to intercept as the ball nearly finds the Spaniard with a shooting chance.
6 mins: Positive start from Rooney here. Schweinsteiger - who has started in a slightly more advanced role than we might have expected - shoots low from about 25 yards out, but it’s straight at Krul.
4 mins: GOA...Oh, no, it’s offside. Rooney is slipped through on goal and completes a rather neat finish, but the lino’s flag was up and the replays suggest he was just - just - right.
Updated
3 mins: Blind brings the ball out of defence and fires into Schweinsteiger on the edge of the box, but his flick looking for Januzaj doesn’t make it through. Depay then cuts in from the left and shoots, but it’s a dribbler and Krul deals with it easily.
1 mins: And we’re away. Mitrovic hasn’t been booked so far. But he has already given away a free kick.
Here it is then - the Mitrovic card sweepstake. For those that haven’t specified a second, then your entry will count as the top of the minute:
“I’ll go with 35:00. If that’s taken, 40:00, and if that 37:30” - Matt H.
“First half, 44 mins 29 secs” - David Ljunggren.
“16:34. Such jolly japes, far more exciting than the cricket” - Harry Watson.
“For taking off his top after scoring 17 minutes and 26 seconds into the game” - David Bryson.
“38 min 33 sec. I’ll be back for my prize later ;-) ps: up the shakers!” - P.
“Mitrovic will be booked (his first yellow card in the match) at 71:39, obviously” - Ondrej.
“18m 31s” - Andrew Penpraze.
“4min 17secs” - Ben Yeo.
“27:25” - Stefan Ruile.
@NickMiller79 Mitrovic 11 minutes for a booking, having spent the previous ten minutes chasing the ball and running into people.
— badly imagined (@badlyimagined) August 22, 2015
@NickMiller79 mitrovic send off at half time in the tunnel
— kannan murali (@kannan4002) August 22, 2015
@NickMiller79 Mitrovic yellow card 17 mins
— Mr J (@jnr_jinx) August 22, 2015
@NickMiller79 Gonna give Mitrovic 9 minutes 27 seconds #NUFC #HWTL
— John (@Hayler97) August 22, 2015
@NickMiller79 Mitrovic's first booking at 26 minutes and 34 seconds into the game
— Curtley Oakley (@curtley69) August 22, 2015
@NickMiller79 Mitrovic’s first booking 59mins 42secs...
— Ian Farmery (@farmers_99) August 22, 2015
@nickmiller79 Mitrovic Red card 25 min, round abouts.
— Darmian (@FutbolDarmian) August 22, 2015
Remarkably, Mitrovic is not the Newcastle player with the shortest odds to be carded in this game. That honour goes to Steven Taylor. Interesting.
Richard Crossan (12.14pm) has been back on: “In the words of legendary wrestler Ric Flair, “to be the man, you gotta beat the man.” Schneiderlin and Schweinsteiger have both looked pretty good so far, but I don’t think either have yet definitively proven they fit better in this team than Carrick does. I would be happy to be proven wrong this afternoon, though.
“Kind regards, the stylin’, profilin’, limousine-riding, jet flying, kiss-stealing, wheelin’ n’ dealin’ son of a gun.”
Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Here’s what Gregg Bakowski had to say about United and Daley Blind in our 10 things to look out for this weekend:
By using Daley Blind as a centre-half this season Louis van Gaal risked ridicule. Many critics expected a big-name defender to be brought in but instead in United’s three games so far he has chosen to use a utility player who is neither tall nor blessed with electric pace. But Blind has appeared comfortable, using intelligent positioning and anticipation to get out of awkward situations. Perhaps that shouldn’t come as a surprise. It’s not often teams play with two big strikers up front any more. Providing a side has one big centre-back and other tall players to pick up on set pieces, a smaller, ball-playing centre-back can be protected and prove invaluable when building play from deep. “You can no longer deploy the old-fashioned, solid type of defender in these positions,” Van Gaal said of centre-backs in the 1997 book The Coaching Philosophies of Louis Van Gaal and the Ajax Coaches. “You have to use technically and tactically gifted players.” This line of thinking more than anything perhaps explains why Nicolás Otamendi is checking in at Manchester City and not United. Maybe the tactically astute playmaking centre-back that Van Gaal dreams of simply isn’t out there. If Blind performs well again against Newcastle maybe there won’t be a rush to bring in another defender before the transfer window shuts.
Steve McClaren is trying to ruin our sweepstake fun by ‘mentioning’ Mitrovic’s disciplinary woe to the striker.
Stop this at once, Steve. We don’t have much in our cold, empty lives to divert us before the merciful release of the infinite - we need this.
Ricard Crossan begs to differ on Carrick: “Did you not spot the difference between United with and without him last year? We won about three-quarters of the games he played, and about a third of the games he missed.
“Aware we’ve got more and better options in midfield this year than last, but lets not pretend he’s suddenly unnecessary in August having been crucial in May.”
That’s the key though, surely? They’ve got better options, so he probably shouldn’t be in the team at the moment. You’d struggle to argue that Schneiderlin and Schweinsteiger are not better fits for this team than Carrick at the moment, wouldn’t you?
So let’s have a sweep on what time you think Mitrovic’s first booking will be. Send in a minute & second mark, we’ll make a note of all the entries and the winner will receive...well, nothing, obviously. Except glory. And what is this game about if not glory?
Emails to Nick.Miller@theguardian.com, tweets to @NickMiller79
“I don’t know yet,” says Van Gaal when asked what Schweinsteiger will bring to the team.
It’s easy to see why people like him.
So then. That’s a full debut for Schweinsteiger in the United team, with Michael Carrick binned after his, shall we say, unfortunate showing in the week. For Newcastle, Mitrovic is in from the start, potentially giving him a full 90 minutes to get that red card he’s been striving for.
Team news
Manchester United
Romero; Darmian, Smalling, Blind, Shaw; Schneiderlin, Schweinsteiger; Mata, Januzaj, Memphis; Rooney. Subs: Johnstone, McNair, Valencia, Carrick, Herrera, Young, Hernandez.
Newcastle United
Krul; Mbemba, Coloccini, Taylor, Haidara; Anita, Colback; Obertan, Wijnaldum, Perez; Mitrovic. Subs: Williamson, Cisse, De Jong, Aarons, Thauvin, Tiote, Darlow.
Referee: Craig Pawson (South Yorkshire)
Preamble
Just one game, he says. He can definitely be an effective centre-forward for the whole season, he says. Learn to stop worrying and love the bomb, he says. Well, most of that. There’s been plenty of concern over Wayne Rooney’s form in the nascent season thus far, partly because he has been rubbish but also partly because, with due respect to Javier Hernandez and James Wilson, the yawning, aching chasm of nothingness that represents Manchester United’s other forward options for the season ahead. It hardly needs saying again, but when Rooney’s good he’s very, very good, but when he’s bad Louis van Gaal might as well play himself up front.
Still, at least Van Gaal was appreciative of Rooney’s admission that things hadn’t gone exactly to plan:
It starts always with the player himself. When you are saying so publicly that you are bad, then you know that you are very bad at that time. I think that’s fantastic that a player will admit that...
“My standards he knows already. He knows my philosophy and what I want from a striker. He thinks that he can perform that and I think that also, otherwise I would not put him in the striker position.
“I have tried last year all the positions and he can play in various positions – he is multifunctional. I think his best position is the striker position and he agreed with that conclusion and the second position is the No10.”
So can Rooney turn this around? Probably, yes, to an extent, even if he’s never going to be quite the player that he once was and certainly not the one we all sort of hoped he’d be all those years ago, the saviour of English football. He’s not, as it turns out, Jesus (great first touch & shot, ol’ JH Christ. Insert your own crosses gag here). Are we, in fact, focusing too much on Rooney as far as United are concerned? Again, probably, yes.
For while they’ve hardly been convincing in their opening three games, they’ve won them all and only conceded once, an absurd sliced own-goal from Michael Carrick, a man who probably shouldn’t and probably won’t for much longer be in the team. They’ve looked surprisingly solid at the back despite the presence of apparent clown Sergio Romero betwixt the sticks and wee Daley Blind at centre-back. Bastian Schweinsteiger offered a lesson in closing out a game at Aston Villa the other week, and Morgan Schneiderlin seems like a similar shut-down option.
So, things are looking OK for Manchester United. Newcastle, though. What do we reckon? The jury would appear still out on Steve McClaren’s tenure thus far, some unconvincing performances combined with a bowel-loosening defence, but also a few heartening elements, such as Georginio Wijnaldum. McClaren, after the 2-0 defeat to Swansea last time out, reckons the fans are patient enough to know this is a work in progress. He said:
I think that is so, so important and credit to them for that. It was a difficult game. Once we had 10 men it was a very difficult game to manage. I think at 1-0 we kept the striker on and thought we might hold it if we were strong defensively. We felt we were able to maybe get something and stay in the game.
“Unfortunately they scored the second early. I don’t quite know this team well enough yet. But our fans were fantastic. I was just gutted because it was a day when I didn’t learn a lot, and they probably didn’t either.”
And of course, the big question is this: will today be the game when Aleksandar Mitrovic achieves what appears to be his ultimate goal in English football, which is to be sent off? We shall find out shortly.
Kick-off: 12.45pm BST
Updated
Nick will be here shortly.
