MORE UPS AND DOWNS AT OLD TRAFFORD
Even Alanis Morissette in a rain-drenched wedding dress could detect the irony here. That if Manchester United put anywhere near as much time and effort into the business of winning football matches as they appear to invest in the composition of carefully worded, bespoke apologies for their players to post on social media disgraces in the wake of calamitous on-field humiliations, there would be no need for the aforementioned mass mea culpas in the first place.
Already at a low ebb having had their pants pulled down by Liverpool and Manchester City in consecutive home Premier League matches, the club found themselves the subject of further ridicule when a clipped extract of an interview given to SportsPro Media by Phil Lynch, senior club media wonk, started gaining more and more of what Phil would call “traction”. In it, the American explains how through the analysis of “fan sentiment graphs” he and his team compile twice-daily reports for every United player. No, really. What’s more, they have “certain thresholds that alert us when we see fan sentiment going one way or another … and when that happens we then start to work with the player and his team individually to counter that narrative a little bit”. In short, the amount of science and hard work that goes into a Harry Maguire post announcing that he’s gutted but will work hard to put things right and bounce back stronger cannot be overstated, even if it does seem a monumental waste of everyone’s time.
Now, The Fiver presumes Harry and his teammates (with perhaps one preening exception) find the whole social media disgrace monitoring and tracking business as ludicrous as the next man and can only imagine the amount of eye-rolling that goes on in the training canteen when some flunky arrives laden down with that morning’s graphs. Certainly, in recent weeks, they won’t have made for pleasant reading and one presumes Aaron Wan-Bissaka will have much work to do to counter his particular narrative once he stops hyperventilating into a paper bag after a quick perusal of his latest fan sentiment numbers.
Never backwards in coming forwards with an opinion or two on social media aberrations, Gary Neville wasn’t slow in expressing some strident fan sentiment of his own upon viewing Lynch’s interview. “Devastating for the players this video!” he tweeted. “A senior club employee stating publicly that the club and players’ social media teams are attempting to control their own fans is social engineering not comms advice. All the work Rashford and others have done is diminished by this video.” As understandable as Gary’s irritation might be, it will take more than a bit of ill-advised social engineering to diminish the heroic charity work of St Marcus. In fact the striker was down in Windsor earlier to be presented with his MBE. United’s social media disgraces were quick to post a picture of the ceremony, presumably on the grounds that the increasingly rare sight of one of the club’s players being presented with a medal might send those fan sentiment graphs heading back in the right direction.
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Join Will Unwin from 5.45pm GMT for Women’s Big Cup MBM coverage of Servette 1-3 Chelsea.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“It seems like there’s a lot going on but for me to put it in the simplest way – I’m trying to give children the things I didn’t have when I was kid. If I did have, I would have been much better off and had many more options in my life. I’m just giving them the opportunity and I think they deserve the opportunity – what child doesn’t?” – Rashford gets his MBE.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
It’s David Squires on … the Premier League’s mechanical pencil of Damocles.
FIVER LETTERS
“Good luck to Eddie Howe on his appointment as Newcastle manager (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs). I wonder, though, if his appointment is the result of some sort of cultural misunderstanding? Did the Saudi representatives at the club mistake the common Geordie expression of warning or exasperation ‘How man!’ as some sort of indication of their preference for the next boss?” – John Lawton.
“While we’re on a Fiver nostalgia trip (Fiver letters passim), whatever happened to Orm? There is a depicted goal- (or bad miss-) shaped diagram missing from my life which I would love to see come back, even as a one-off. Please? Pretty please?” –
Alistair Moffat [here are some oldies for you – Fiver Ed].
“I am another reader from those early 21st century days. From memory, there were three stories back then. It wasn’t always easy to find the words to fill them, though. Once upon a time The Fiver auctioned off the third Friday story. My Sunday morning team – Lockers FC (Hackney Marshes 2001-2011) – won the bidding war. So not only have I been reading The Fiver forever, I have also actually paid for it” – Dan Ashley.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Dan Ashley.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
A new survey has revealed 20% of female supporters reported having experienced unwanted physical attention when attending men’s games, up from 8% in 2014.
Bad news for David Moyes as West Ham could be without key defender Angelo Obonna for the rest of the season after he sustained cruciate knee-gah.
Manchester United’s Paul Pogba has sustained thigh-ouch on France duty and faces up to two months on the sidelines.
Norwich City may be set to become Frank Lampard’s Norwich City in the wake of Daniel Farke’s exit.
Up for the Cup, and up the top of a hill. Morecambe being drawn to play at Buxton’s Silverlands, the highest ground in England, is the highlight of the FA Cup second-round draw.
And Shamrock Rovers have banned two fans from home games indefinitely for getting Friday’s Airtricity League game at Waterford suspended by letting off fireworks above the pitch. “It is regrettable that the actions of two individuals caused reputational damage to the club and was not reflective of the atmosphere and support from the large away crowd of over 350 fans who supported the team throughout, enjoying a 3-1 win,” tooted a statement.
RECOMMENDED VOTING
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STILL WANT MORE?
George Cox overcame heart surgery and not making the grade at Brighton to become a player to watch in the Eredivisie with Fortuna Sittard. He gets his chat on with Will Unwin.
Eddie Howe can do a job for Newcastle even if the presence of preferred candidates bodes ill, reckons floating brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson.
Premier League clubs are in full “Do One” mode. Ed Aarons on a season so far of the long knives.
Conor Gallagher of Crystal Palace is one of the breakout players of the season, but he belongs to Chelsea. Ben McAleer profiles the Epsom-born blonde bombshell.
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