And with that, I’m done. It’s been a blast. Bye!
And Jacob Steinberg pulled the long straw, with a trip to see West Ham’s goaltastic narrow defeat to Newcastle:
Ben Fisher took in another decent performance from Huddersfield, and heard Southampton getting booed from the field:
Paul McInnes watched Brighton’s not-as-comfortable-as-it-should-have-been victory over Watford:
Paul Doyle on Stoke’s rescue mission for Mark Hughes’s job prospects:
And here’s Jamie Jackson on Manchester City’s 27th and final home game of an unbeaten 2017 at the Etihad.
Meanwhile the match reports are starting to drop:
If you want more live football, Barry Glendenning is all over Burnley v Tottenham:
“The Ayews scoring goals assisted by the Carrolls is a timely nod to the sounds of the season, We Wish Ayew a Merry Christmas, and the Carroll of the Bells,” writes Peter Oh.
Comeback of the day: Notts County were 3-0 down at home to Cambridge with 16 minutes to play. They equalised in the 93rd minute.
Final score: West Ham 2-3 Newcastle
Goals, penalties, saves, and all-round maximum entertainment at the London Stadium, but it’s all over.
Final scores: Stoke 3-1 West Brom; Man City 4-0 Bournemouth; Swansea 1-1 Crystal Palace
Referees around the country are parping their whistle for the last time and heading back to the dressing-rooms.
GOAL! Stoke 3-1 West Brom (Sobhi, 90+5 mins)
A last-gasp breakaway special and it ends with Choupo-Moting sliding the ball to Sobhi, who has an empty net to aim for and makes no mistake!
Updated
Final score: Brighton 1-0 Watford
Brighton owe their goal to a Heurelho Gomes error, but they should really have scored four or five. Watford have one of a possible 18 points in their last six matches.
Not only have both Jordan and Andre Ayew scored today, they have been assisted by Tom and Andy Carroll. What are the odds?
It’s now Bolton 2-0 Cardiff. And here’s a surprising statistic, given the sheer quantity of goals he’s scored along the way:
2 - Sergio Aguero netted two headed goals in a game for the first-time ever within Europe's big five leagues. Crown.
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) December 23, 2017
GOAL! Man City 4-0 Bournemouth (Danilo, 85 mins)
There’s just no stopping them. Raheem Sterling picks out Danilo, who has been all alone on the left and begging for a pass for a while, and he slides it inside the near post from 12 yards.
Updated
The line-ups from Turf Moor:
Burnley: Pope, Bardsley, Long, Mee, Taylor, Gudmundsson, Cork, Defour, Arfield, Hendrick, Wood. Subs: Lowton, Vokes, Barnes, Westwood, Walters, Wells, Lindegaard.
Tottenham Hotspur: Lloris, Aurier, Sanchez, Vertonghen, Davies, Sissoko, Dier, Alli, Eriksen, Son, Kane. Subs: Trippier, Rose, Lamela, Vorm, Llorente, Dembele, Foyth.
Referee: Michael Oliver.
Oxford’s worst ever league defeat was 7-0 at Sunderland in September 1998. They’re now 7-0 down to Wigan, the substitute Max Power scoring the last two, and this time they’re at home.
GOAL! Man City 3-0 Bournemouth (Aguero, 80 mins)
Aguero scores yet another goal, heading in Bernardo Silva’s cross from the right.
100 - Manchester City have become the first English team to score 100 top-flight league goals in a calendar year since Liverpool in 1982 (106). Superb. pic.twitter.com/FJGpa6u5nw
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) December 23, 2017
There’s no need for a retrospective suspension for Charlie Austin – he’s just pulled a hamstring in driving a powerful shot goalwards (it was saved) and he’ll probably be out for a few matches anyway.
GOAL! Swansea 1-1 Crystal Palace (Ayew, 77 mins)
An equaliser for Swansea, Jordan Ayew dummying past one defender before taking a few strides forwards and thrashing the ball into the corner of the net from 20 yards!
Updated
Bolton are a goal up at home to Cardiff, in what might be the Championship upset of the day.
How Brighton are only one goal up I do not know. Dunk missed a sitter a couple of minutes ago, and Hemed has just blasted wide from eight yards, with a totally unmarked team-mate right behind him, screaming with frustration.
GOAL! West Ham 2-3 Newcastle (Ayew, 69 mins)
West Ham have a corner, Andy Carroll, on as a substitute, leaps like the proverbial salmon at the far post and his header comes off the goalkeeper to Ayew, who thumps it into the roof of the net!
Updated
GOAL! Southampton 1-1 Huddersfield (Depoitre, 64 mins)
A cross from the right and Depoitre has a completely free header from six yards, right in the middle of goal, which he heads down and in.
Updated
GOAL! Brighton 1-0 Watford (Gross, 64 mins)
Watford are a bit of a shambles at times, and this is one of them. Gomes takes a free-kick just outside his area and plays it short; 20 seconds later he’s picking the ball out of his net. In between there’s one terrible touch in midfield, a couple of quick Brighton passes and a low Gross shot from just outside the box that really should have been saved, but wasn’t.
Updated
GOAL! West Ham 1-3 Newcastle (Atsu, 61 mins)
So much for the West Ham revival. Zabaleta runs to intercept the ball in the centre circle but hits it straight into an opponent and Newcastle spring forward, ending with Atsu diverting the ball into the net from six yards or so!
Thrashing of the day: Will Grigg has completed his hat-trick and Wigan are 5-0 up against Oxford.
GOAL! Swansea 0-1 Crystal Palace (Milivojevic, 9 mins)
Milivojevic smashes it down the middle, and the goalkeeper dives out the way! It was a dive, by the way. The defender stuck out a leg, but Loftus-Cheek was on the turf before he got anywhere near it.
Updated
Now Crystal Palace have a penalty!
They love a penalty do Palace. This time it’s not Zaha who wins it but Loftus-Cheek, who is tripped inside the box.
And it’s been saved! Ayew places the ball on the spot, stutters in his run-up and shoots low to his right. The goalkeeper goes the right way, and pushes it to safety!
Penalty to West Ham!
Antonio bursts towards the penalty area, and is tripped just on its edge! Is it inside the box? It’s so very hard to tell, but the referee thinks so!
GOAL! Man City 2-0 Bounemough (Sterling, 53 mins)
Sterling ghosts into the box to score his 16th goal of the season. Meanwhile …
Updated
GOAL! West Ham 1-2 Newcastle (Diame, 53 mins)
The ball is slid across goal from the left and Diame runs onto it and fair hammers it into the roof of the net from 12 yards!
Updated
GOAL! Stoke 2-1 West Brom (Rondon, 51 mins)
The ball is lifted over the home defence from the half-way line, and somehow Rondon has totally escaped their attention! He’s clean through, waits for it to drop and slides through Butland’s legs and into the net. It looks like Shawcross picked the worst possible moment to step up with his arm in the air there.
Updated
4.01pm: Honk! Second halves are under way.
“The Baggies have had a bit of a dry spell in getting opposing managers sacked,” writes JR. “Six managers between 2012 and 2014 got booted after facing them. The next one wasn’t until Shakespeare a couple months ago. I was hoping we were getting back to form but surely Hughes won’t be going after today’s debacle. I’d be fine if Pardew got canned though.” There’s a long way to go yet, and De-Hughesing the Premier League would be a great service for mankind.
Half-time fun:
GOAL! Stoke 2-0 West Brom (Choupo-Moting, 45+2 mins)
In the closing seconds of the half and with the visiting defence already dreaming of their halftimely cuppa, a simple ball from Allen opens them up like a can of beans, and Choupo-Moting takes the ball round the keeper, stops, lets the two defenders trying to get back to block the shot commit themselves, and then shoots where they aren’t!
Updated
Into stoppage time, which will be brief at all the top-flight games except Southampton, where Loss’ls injury means they’ll have four bonus minutes.
“Charlie Austin should not play again this season,” writes Paul Bradley. “His sly and cowardly conduct should be dealt with.” Crikey, it wasn’t that bad. Three games off would do it.
In blow-me-down-with-a-feather news, Celtic are winning. Lustig has scored to put them 1-0 up at home to Aberdeen.
Ooooh! A nice through ball sets Wilson racing forwards and Ederson racing outwards, and the goalkeeper gets there first by an instant. For a delicious moment it looked like the striker would beat him to it and have an open goal to aim at, but it was not to be.
Lossl has been patched up and is playing on. Austin is also playing on, but probably shouldn’t be.
At Southampton Austin runs towards a through ball, but Lossl comes out and gets it first. Austin leaves his foot in, though, and catches the keeper in the face. He may have been vaguely intending to lift the ball out of Lossl’s hands – which would anyway be a foul – rather than deliberately trying to kick his rival in the face, but there seems little excuse for that challenge. Lossl is cut and bleeding, and Austin hasn’t even been booked!
Updated
Brighton have a corner on the left and curl it to the far post, where Goldson is all alone. The angle isn’t great but surely he has to score there – but he doesn’t, Gomes pushing it round the post!
Rondon shoots over the bar for West Brom, though he was miles offside at the time.
100 - Sergio Aguero's goal was the 100th that he has scored at the Etihad Stadium for Manchester City in all competitions. Century. pic.twitter.com/N00PG5WZBS
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) December 23, 2017
GOAL! Man City 1-0 Bournemouth (Aguero, 27 mins)
And the leaders lead! The ball is passed back to Begovic, who tries to chip to a team-mate just outside the box. But as the ball floats forward he’s closed down, the ball is nicked off him and then to make matters worse a terrible attempt to catch Aguero in an offside trap ends with the striker diving to head in from just outside the six-yard box, with no defender in sight!
Updated
Phwoar! Otamendi thunders a 40-yard strike at goal, and Begovic pushes it clear!
Watford just had a decent crossing chance from the right, but Brighton had 10 men inside their penalty area, and the delivery isn’t accurate enough to make up for the attacking side’s numerical disadvantage.
GOAL! Southampton 1-0 Huddersfield (Austin, 24 mins)
A corner from the right is swung in, flicked on and turned in at the back post by Charlie Austin, lurking a yard or two from goal to score with a crouching header.
Updated
Manchester City haven’t created much against Bournemouth, but a ball over the defence is brilliantly controlled by Aguero, who an instant later pokes his shot well over the bar.
In the Championship, Sunderland have fallen behind at home to Birmingham, and then equalised five minutes later, through Lewis Grabban.
GOAL! Stoke 1-0 West Brom (Allen, 19 mins)
The ball deflects into the air and into the visitors’ penalty area, Peter Crouch volleys it across goal and Allen is in the right place to poke it in!
Updated
And further adventures of bar-hitting: at West Ham Yedlin crosses, Gayle turns it goalwards and the woodwork gets a serious rattling, the ball rebounding to safety.
Meanwhile at Southampton, Fraser Forster fingertips Schindler’s header onto the bar.
Brighton have been constantly threatening against Watford, without quite getting the ball over the line. The Hornets have just done their first attacking of any note, Pereyra winning a corner with a deflected shot, and then having another shot from Cleverley’s set piece, which bobbled wide.
Plymouth are already 2-0 up against Oldham, and indeed have been for a little while – both goals coming in the first six minutes.
Lovely goal. Yann to Toums, who fell down, but still got the ball to Taylor. Knock back to Fox and a lovely ball over the top. Carey ran though, and lobbed the goalkeeper rushing out to him. 2-0, and only just over five minutes played. #pafc
— Plymouth Argyle FC (@Only1Argyle) December 23, 2017
It was Saivet who gave the ball to Arnautovic before West Ham took the lead, so he’s just about in credit.
10' - GOOOAAAAALLLL!!! That's how you redeem yourself - a superb free-kick by @Saivet_Henri! #NUFC pic.twitter.com/wnZ7o9T1RQ
— Newcastle United FC (@NUFC) December 23, 2017
GOAL! West Ham 1-1 Newcastle (Saivet, 10 mins)
Saivet’s 25-yard free kick curls, dips and creeps just inside the post!
Updated
West Brom fans are having fun at Stoke.
"He's coming for you, he's coming for you, Tony Pulis he's coming for you" chant West Brom fans to their hosts ...
— Paul Doyle (@Paul_Doyle) December 23, 2017
GOAL! West Ham 1-0 Newcastle (Arnautovic, 6 mins)
Nice goal! Arnautovic intercepts a rubbish pass just inside his own half, runs to the edge of Newcastle’s penalty area with the visitors’ defence totally unprepared for, like, defending and stuff and slides a low shot into the net!
Updated
3pm: Sound the football claxon, they’re off!
Updated
Teams are out, and kick offs are moments away.
A big change to the 3pm team sheets: Orestis Karnezis will no longer warm the Watford bench. Daniel Bachmann will be the Hornets’ substitute goalkeeper instead.
And there are also match reports on the lunchtimely kick-offs in both England and Spain:
Here’s a little pre-match reading. I spoke to Watford’s Sebastian Prodl this week, a fine defender – and Watford need those at the moment – and a really thoughtful and interesting man.
The final whistle blows at Goodison Park, where Everton have drawn 0-0 with Chelsea.
Brighton v Watford team news
Brighton: Ryan, Saltor, Goldson, Dunk, Suttner, Stephens, Propper, Knockaert, Gross, March, Hemed. Subs: Hunemeier, Kayal, Baldock, Murray, Izquierdo, Schelotto, Krul.
Watford: Gomes, Janmaat, Prodl, Kabasele, Holebas, Cleverley, Watson, Carrillo, Pereyra, Richarlison, Gray. Subs: Mariappa, Wague, Sinclair, Capoue, Karnezis, Okaka, Folivi.
Referee: Paul Tierney (Lancashire)
Man City v Bournemouth team news
Man City: Ederson, Walker, Kompany, Otamendi, Delph, De Bruyne, Fernandinho, Silva, Sterling, Aguero, Sane. Subs: Bravo, Danilo, Gundogan, Mangala, Bernardo Silva, Gabriel Jesus, Toure.
Bournemouth: Begovic, Steve Cook, Ake, Simpson, Adam Smith, Gosling, Surman, Fraser, Stanislas, Ibe, Callum Wilson. Subs: Boruc, Pugh, Afobe, Lewis Cook, Hyndman, Mahoney, Mousset.
Referee: Mike Jones (Cheshire)
Updated
Stoke v West Brom team news
Stoke: Butland, Zouma, Shawcross, Wimmer, Cameron, Allen, Fletcher, Edwards, Shaqiri, Choupo-Moting, Crouch. Subs: Berahino, Afellay, Adam, Diouf, Sobhi, Grant, Soutar.
West Brom: Foster, Nyom, Hegazi, Evans, Gibbs, Brunt, Livermore, Barry, McClean, Rondon, Robson-Kanu. Subs: Rodriguez, Chadli, McAuley, Dawson, Myhill, Yacob, Burke.
Referee: Neil Swarbrick (Lancashire)
Swansea v Crystal Palace team news
Swansea: Fabianski, Naughton, Fernandez, Mawson, Olsson, Carroll, Roque, Clucas, Narsingh, Abraham, Dyer. Subs: van der Hoorn, Nordfeldt, Ayew, Rangel, Sanches, Fulton, McBurnie.
Crystal Palace: Speroni, Kelly, Tomkins, Dann, Schlupp, Loftus-Cheek, Cabaye, Milivojevic, McArthur, Townsend, Zaha. Subs: Van Aanholt, Hennessey, Souare, Fosu-Mensah, Sako, Puncheon, Riedewald.
Referee: Craig Pawson (South Yorkshire)
Updated
West Ham v Newcastle team news
West Ham: Adrian, Reid, Ogbonna, Cresswell, Zabaleta, Kouyate, Obiang, Masuaku, Ayew, Arnautovic, Antonio. Subs: Carroll, Sakho, Hernandez, Collins, Hart, Quina, Rice.
Newcastle: Elliot, Yedlin, Lascelles, Clark, Manquillo, Atsu, Saivet, Diame, Ritchie, Gayle, Joselu. Subs: Dummett, Murphy, Aarons, Perez, Mbemba, Haidara, Darlow.
Referee: Lee Mason (Lancashire)
Updated
Southampton v Huddersfield team news
Southampton: Forster, Stephens, Yoshida, Hoedt, Targett, Davis, Lemina, Ward-Prowse, Tadic, Redmond, Austin. Subs: Long, McCarthy, Romeu, Boufal, Gabbiadini, Hojbjerg, McQueen.
Huddersfield: Lossl, Hadergjonaj, Jorgensen, Schindler, Malone, Mooy, Williams, Quaner, Ince, van La Parra, Depoitre. Subs: Smith, Whitehead, Coleman, Cranie, Lowe, Lolley, Mounie.
Referee: Lee Probert (Wiltshire)
Updated
Hello world! So let’s start at the very beginning, with today’s league fixtures:
Premier League
Brighton v Watford
Burnley v Tottenham Hotspur (5.30)
Everton v Chelsea (12.30)
Leicester v Man Utd (7.45)
Man City v AFC Bournemouth
Southampton v Huddersfield
Stoke v West Brom
Swansea v Crystal Palace
West Ham v Newcastle
Championship
In which Sunderland aim to follow up their first win at home in 364 days with a second win at home in a week. The meeting of Aston Villa and Sheffield United, who start the day in fifth and sixth, looks pretty tasty but sadly comes too late for us, but the rest of the top half play at 3pm, with leaders Wolves at home to eighth-placed Ipswich, second-placed Cardiff travelling to Bolton – who could climb out of the bottom three should they win – and Bristol City coming back to earth after their midweek Carabao Cup victory over Manchester United at Loftus Road.
Aston Villa v Sheff Utd (5.30)
Bolton v Cardiff
Derby v Millwall
Fulham v Barnsley
Leeds v Hull
Preston North End v Nottm Forest
QPR v Bristol City
Reading v Burton Albion
Sheff Wed v Middlesbrough
Sunderland v Birmingham
Wolverhampton v Ipswich
League One
AFC Wimbledon v Bradford
Bristol Rovers v Doncaster
Charlton v Blackpool
Northampton v Blackburn (2.00)
Oxford Utd v Wigan
Peterborough v Bury
Plymouth v Oldham
Rochdale v Walsall
Rotherham v Milton Keynes Dons
Scunthorpe v Southend
Shrewsbury v Portsmouth
League Two
Accrington Stanley v Crawley Town
Barnet v Cheltenham
Colchester v Port Vale
Crewe v Swindon
Forest Green v Carlisle
Luton v Grimsby
Mansfield v Morecambe
Newport County v Lincoln City
Notts County v Cambridge Utd
Stevenage v Chesterfield
Yeovil v Exeter
Scottish Premiership
Celtic v Aberdeen
Hibernian v Ross County
Kilmarnock v Rangers (12.30)
Motherwell v Dundee
Partick v Hamilton
St Johnstone v Hearts
Updated
