Preamble Good things come in threes. And so does January's Man City v West Ham extravaganza, with the teams meeting for the third time in the space of a fortnight. Too much of a good thing? I wouldn't quite put it like that. So far these teams haven't provided much in the way of entertainment, but then neither have the Chuckle Brothers and they still get commissioned again and again.
The story so far In 180 minutes of FA Cup football these two conjured up a solitary goal, a header from Elano. In fact, West Ham have failed to score against City in three games this season. Goals from Bianchi and Geovanni gave City a 2-0 victory at Upton Park on the opening day of the season, proving Sven Goran-Eriksson wasn't just a failed England manager doomed to repeat his errors at a club with ideas above its station. That would be someone else completely, wouldn't it?
Some numbers City have won nine, drawn two and lost none at home this season, the only teams that can boast better records than that are Man Utd and Arsenal. If they win by twelve clear goals today they will find themselves sitting smugly in fourth place, at least until Aston Villa beat Liverpool by six tomorrow night. But it isn't that simple, is it? West Ham have already won at Birmingham, Reading, Derby, Blackburn and Middlesbrough this season and have only conceded seven on the road. In short, this game couldn't look tighter if it was tailored into a pair of drainpipes and worn around Shoreditch by Russell Brand.
And some analysis Having crunched those numbers, I'm sticking my neck out and plumping for a 1-0 win for City, or perhaps a 0-0.
The teams are in...
Man City: Hart, Corluka, Dunne, Richards, Ball, Vassell, Hamann, Ireland, Petrov, Elano, Bianchi. Subs: Isaksson, Onuoha, Geovanni, Garrido, Gelson.
West Ham: Green, Neill, Ferdinand, Upson, McCartney, Ljungberg, Noble, Mullins, Bowyer, Boa Morte, Cole. Subs: Wright, Spector, Collins, Faubert, Reid.
That's going to be Vassell on the right for City with Elano playing off Bianchi, who must be worried that he now only has 10 days to escape back to Italy. A three/five man midfield for West Ham depending on where you consider Ljungberg and Boa Morte's wing play to take place, I'm a 4-3-3 man myself but it takes all sorts.
"Interesting use of the word 'failed' to describe Sven's time as England manager," writes Gary Naylor. "I suspect the perspective of history will lead people to consider his consistent qualifications as 'successful'." You are probably right Gary, but when he took over at City in the summer it wasn't with a hugely positive reputation in this country, deservedly or not.
And we're off City get us underway with a good old fashioned hoof from Micah Richards.
2 mins Mullins will have the job of stopping Elano today and it's so far so good, though he does hit the ball needlessly into touch with his first touch.
4 mins Noble tries to thread Ljungberg through but Hart is alert to it and gathers the ball.
7 mins Corluka blocks a shot from Boa Morte and West Ham get the first corner, which they completely waste. "Has there ever been a minute-by-minute commentary when Gary Naylor has not sent in an email? Then again, I suppose he brightens up your life when you have to watch drivel like this match will undoubtedly be," write Ian Bruff. The answers to that are 'no' and 'that's the spirit', Ian.
GOAL! City 0-1 West Ham Dunne gives away the ball on the edge of the box and it comes to Ljungberg to fire across the box to Carlton Cole. He has his back to goal and it looks like he might lay it off but no, he chips it up and puts an overhead kick beyond Hart. What a way to score your first goal against City in four games.
10 mins Corner to City headed away and Hamann scuffs his shot, that goal looks even better on the replay I tell you.
12 mins Joe Hart almost takes the blame off his captain by dropping the ball in the middle of a crowded penalty area but the linesman's flag goes up. Bianchi very nearly gets through at the other end, he's looking quietly threatening today. Don't want to speak too soon but this game is far more open than you would imagine.
GOAL! Man City 1-1 West Ham A couple of corners to City, the second headed away well by Ferdinand. It comes back to Petrov who whips it in, the ball bobbles about a bit and up pops Darius Vassell to poke it home. Andy Gray is livid, Vassell was offside when the ball was initially crossed in.
18 mins Curbishley is none too happy, complaining away on the touchline to anyone who'll listen. Phone Andy Gray, he agrees with you Alan. Ljungberg tries to get Cole through but overhits the pass somewhat.
20 mins Ljungberg gets to the byline but his cross is blocked by Ireland. Up the other end Bianchi has a pretty poor shout for a penalty after falling over. The less said about it the better.
22 mins Bianchi has a go from about thirty yards out, about the same distance by which it clears the bar.
24 mins "Radio commentary think a hint of offside in the City goal - that's good enough for me, West Ham are being robbed!" Says Tim Knights, who obviously wasn't happy to just take my word for it. Probably for the best.
28 mins City are beginning to knock it about with confidence. Hamann at the centre of it all despite never moving from the same spot. They work it wide and Petrov lures Neill into a late challenge. And there we have the first booking of the day for you.
30 mins A header from Ferdinand falls to Ireland on the edge of the box but he can't get any power in his shot as the ball runs away from him.
33 mins Bianchi - who will score this afternoon, mark my words - tries to push his way past McCartney but doesn't really get anywhere. Then another booking as Dunne goes through Boa Morte, pretty heavy challenge that one and there can be no real arguments.
36 mins Didi Hamann is clearing up everything in midfield, how old is he? However, his shooting is terrible, another shank from distance.
39 mins West Ham are getting a lot of the ball at the moment but not doing anything magnificent with it I'm sad to report.
42 mins City counter attack and Bianchi has a chance to play Richards through, instead he kicks back and relaxes before kicking the ball at Matthew Upson. Not great stuff from the Italian, all things considered and I'm a bit of a fan.
43 mins Carlton Cole takes the ball past Joe Hart but he's heading away from goal and being tracked by a bevvy of City defenders so he just runs it out of play for a goal-kick.
Half-time A corner to West Ham comes to nothing and that's about that for the first half. A better half than I - and some of you, you know who you are - predicted.
The man ... the myth "I've always imagined that Gary Naylor beams in his comments with his iPhone, as he holds court from a Naylor-shaped seat - specially moulded to fit his form by his Evertonian admirers - in Goodison's prime viewing spot (probably in the "Remember the mid-80s? Good times" Stand)," writes Mac Millings. "But a mate of mine says he watches all the games on a black and white telly in the stuffy bedsit he never leaves, and in his spare time all he does is sit hunched at his desk, composing every email he's going to be sending in to the next MBM, or crafting paeans to sunsets over a blue stadium in Liverpool, within whose walls he has never once set foot. Say it ain't so." The romantic in me would tend to agree with you and not your friend, Mac, but the only person that can answer that is the man himself ...
"I suppose the explanation for this game being good today and dross on Wednesday is that the three points matters a lot more to these teams than a spot in the fourth round of the FA Cup. Shame really," bemoans George Templeton before shedding a tear onto a grainy picture of Ronnie Radford and asorted children in parkas celebrating the romance of the cup on a muddy Edgar Street pitch.
"Well, even if it is more exciting and enjoyable than we/I thought, it's still going to be the exception to the rule, isn't it?" Says Ian Bruff. "Can I just say that I hate Alan Shearer and would like the Guardian to write more diatribes such as the Black Widow article by Michael Hann? Thank you." You can indeed say that Ian, I enjoyed it too.
We're off again And the teams are all facing the opposite direction to the previous 45 minutes, as is traditional in association football.
47 mins Ljungberg lays the ball back to Mark Noble on the edge of the box and he takes a touch before putting it over the bar, a good chance. "Right now, I am keeping up with the football via the MBM between cooking mashed potatoes (laced with onions, garlic, pepper and just a hint of dill) whilst the kids and their mother watch Air Accident Investigation recorded from the National Geographic Channel. I'm planning my negotation tactics to secure viewing of the second half of Ghana vs Guinea. It really is that glamorous," says Guess Who. That clears that up then, what a lovely slice of family life.
50 mins West Ham have come out the better side and Freddie Ljungberg has a shot bloked on the edge of the area. Luis Boa Morte is then booked for a pretty grim tackle on Vassell, could have been a red. It wasn't though, so let's not dwell on could have beens as Beverly Knight once sang (or something like that).
52 mins It's a bit scrappy at the moment, no one putting anything of value together. Tom Astin asks for a mention for picking me up on a mistake, no one like a clever clogs Tom.
54 mins Elano takes the two worst corners ever. Neither beat the man on the near post. How can a professional be so bad at something so simple, is the nearby flag that distracting?
57 mins Petrov and Elano exchange passes before Petrov overdoes his touch and Ferdinand - who has been excellent - takes control. Eriksson brings on Fernandes for Vassell.
60 mins Mullins strikes one from distance but it is a comfortable save for Hart. Richard Dunne then manages to scramble the resulting corner away.
62 mins I have a feeling Man City might sneak this, they've been no great shakes though.
65 mins Corner for West Ham. Hart punches it well clear before Mullins hits it wide. I just can't see West Ham scoring another.
67 mins Bianchi takes the ball down on his chest and hits a dipping volley but Robert Green takes it safely. Geovanni, who scored against West Ham on the first day of the season, is on for Ireland.
69 mins Luis Boa Morte, who has been booked, pushes his hand into Hamann's face but it is just telling off. It would have been very harsh for it to be anything more.
71 mins Boa Morte is off. Substituted for Faubert. It's for his own good.
73 mins Ljungberg knocks the ball across goal but Dunne gets there just before Bowyer. Then Neill whips it in to the box and Faubert puts it in. Sadly for him the whistle had gone, Bowyer committing a needless foul.
75 mins It's all West Ham at the moment, but they are not creating any clearcut chances. That is until Carlton Cole squares the ball to Noble, who steams onto it unmarked but fires it straight at Hart's feet. Up the other end we go and Elano sends a looping header over that was never going to trouble Green. "Naylor's mashed potatoes sound delicious," says Mac Millings and I agree. "Cooking for his family, keeping up with the game, fairly allocating TV time. I knew it. He IS perfect."
78 mins Elano is brought off by Eriksson, strangely. Replaced by Garrido. Hamann floats the ball into the West Ham box and Bianchi (who will score at some point) can't really get any power on a header.
82 mins It's not really happening for either team here. Ljungberg cuts in from the left but shoots into the side netting instead of taking the slightly less selfish of putting it in for Bowyer. Wrong choice Freddie.
84 mins Geovanni is booked for pulling Lee Bowyer's shirt. Bowyer is booked for overreacting.
86 mins Mark Noble is booked for measuring out tens yards for a City wall because Phil Dowd couldn't be bothered to do it himself. A silly incident all round, tempers are fraying.
87 mins Lucas Neill has a shot blocked and it falls to Ljungberg who goes past Corluka before firing into the side-netting again. He couldn't do much more from a pretty tight angle.
89 mins And we are drifting towards a draw, three added minutes. Can anyone change the game?
90+1 mins Spector is on for Bowyer. Is Curbishley just taking off any player that he worries might be sent off? Petrov floats a free-kick into the hands of Robert Green and that sums up some pretty terrible dead-ball delievery today.
Peep peep peeeeep! Full-time. Carlton Cole has one final chance to win it for West Ham but his header is tipped over by Green and both teams will have to be happy with a point. About fair on reflection. West Ham certainly had more of the ball but they never really threatened in that second-half. And that is about that. Cheers for all your emails, sorry about the ones I couldn't use. Bye.
