A MAN shot by police after he confronted them with a tactical shovel during a routine check at a unit at Mayfield last year says he has no memory of what happened because he was inhaling 10 cans of deadly butane gas a day.
Aaron Barrie Searle, 47, a man with a long history of drug and alcohol addiction, mental health issues and suicide attempts, agreed he "probably" attacked the two police officers who came to ask him to leave his ex-partner's unit because he wanted to be shot and killed.
"I believe I was high enough to do that, yes," Searle said on Monday during a sentence hearing in Newcastle District Court.
The officers he attacked immediately applied pressure to his wounds and, after undergoing surgery and spending more than a week in John Hunter Hospital, Searle survived.
He lost a kidney and has an injury to his thigh that means he requires crutches to walk.
The 47-year-old was on Monday played the police body-worn video of the confrontation, which started with a normal knock on the door and ended with him wailing on the ground.
He then listened as one of the police officers read an emotive impact statement, outlining how "deeply uncomfortable" it was for him to be considered a victim.
The police officer said he and his female partner were one hour into their first shift together on what seemed like any other day.
He said he just wanted to talk to Searle about what his ex-partner had said, but Searle didn't give him that chance.
"You immediately attacked me and my colleague," the police officer said. "I genuinely believed you were trying to kill me."
The officer said he was "forced to make a decision I never wanted to make" and had scars to remind him of how quickly a "routine moment can turn into violence".
"One of the few positives is that you focused your attack on me and not on my colleague or [Searle's ex-partner]," the police officer said. "If either were seriously hurt then I would not have been able to return to work."
After watching the body-worn video and listening to the victim impact statement, Searle was asked how he felt.
"Horrible," he said. "I feel completely stupid for doing that.
"I don't even know why I did that to be honest. I can't take it back, but it makes me feel bad every day.
"I'm just glad no one got seriously hurt, that's all."
Searle claimed the police shooting had a "profound, life-changing effect" on him and had led him to find God.
"I believe I died when I got shot," Searle said.
"Because when I woke up in hospital all I could see was everything on fire.
"I thought I was in hell being tortured, to be honest with you.
"That helped me come to God and realise I am here for a reason, I haven't found it yet.
"But I take comfort in the Lord now."
He said he had not used drugs in jail and planned to remain abstinent because "getting shot showed me how bad things can be when I get high".
The Newcastle Herald reported in January that Searle had been inhaling deadly butane gas and refusing to leave his former partner's Mayfield unit when police arrived at the front door on the afternoon of February 15 last year.
Within seconds, Searle appeared in the doorway armed with a tactical shovel and began waving it at the two police officers.
He didn't say anything, but police heard him "growling".
As Searle swung the tactical shovel towards officers at head height, a policeman took out his Taser and pointed it at the 47-year-old.
The officer twice fired the Taser at Searle, but neither shot had any effect.
He then held the Taser and repeatedly punched Searle in the head, but this also had no impact.
Now backed up against the screen door of a neighbouring unit, the policeman pulled out his gun and shot Searle once in the hip.
A female police officer also drew her service weapon and fired it once towards Searle.
Searle fell to the ground outside the unit and police disarmed him of the tactical shovel, which an expert would later examine and opine was "capable of inflicting serious and lethal injury to a person".
The entire incident, from when Searle appeared at the front door to when he was shot, lasted about a minute.
The two police officers immediately grabbed a first aid kit and applied pressure to the gunshot wounds while calling for paramedics.
Searle had two wounds, one to his lower abdomen and another to his right hip, but the second may have been an exit wound and not caused by another gunshot.
Judge Paul Marr will sentence Searle on Thursday.
