Building a close relationship with in-laws requires a lot of effort and isn’t always easy. However, it’s important to learn to get along with your extended family, as it will be worth it for your own and your marriage’s well-being.
This man knew how crucial it was to restore his relationship with his in-laws, but no matter how hard he tried to do that, he got rejected because of his actions in his youth. The extended family didn’t want to give him a second chance, even though he tried hard to turn his life around and continued treating him unfairly.
It’s important to get along with in-laws, as they can have a significant effect on one’s marriage
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This man tried his best to do that, but he continuously gets rejected
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Later, the man posted an update:
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75% of couples reported having problems with their in-laws
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Having difficulties getting along with in-laws is something that many spouses struggle with. In fact, 75% of couples reported having problems with their partner’s parents. Even more interestingly, when it comes to clashing with their extended family, Gen Z has the most trouble being on the same page with in-laws. They admitted to disagreeing with their spouse’s family once a month on average.
That said, studies have found that most people don’t expect this to happen, as the vast majority of couples go into their marriage anticipating positive relationships with their in-laws.
So where does it go wrong? Well, according to Renee Zavislak, a licensed psychotherapist and trauma specialist, relationships can be difficult by definition. “[They] ask us to maintain familial intimacy without the actual long-term bond that blood relatives usually have. We are expected to tolerate a level of intimacy for which we have no history.”
Anything, really, can push the relationship with in-laws in the wrong direction, even seemingly harmless conversation topics. According to surveys, 31% of people have argued with their spouse’s parents about politics, 22% about their life choices, and 21% about disagreements over their partner.
Even though the relationship with extended family is very fragile, it’s important to remain on their good side, as one study has indicated that 11% of couples have attributed their separation to interfering in-laws.
Achieving a positive relationship with in-laws often requires patience
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Doing that, of course, is easier said than done, but it’s definitely possible. It was found in 2021 that 51% of daughters-in-law were satisfied or very satisfied with their relationship with their mother-in-law, while ¾ of mothers-in-law were happy or very happy with their bond with their daughter-in-law.
Sometimes, all it takes to achieve a positive relationship with in-laws is to put more space between each other to ease the tension. Spending more time in each other’s business may increase the likelihood of conflict, said Dr. Gretchen Perry, a social worker and social science researcher.
“If couples can be independent and flexible, not beholden to in-laws and extended families, they can pick and choose when they ask for help, [then] the window of opportunity for conflict is smaller,” Perry said.
In case a spouse finds it difficult to spend time around their in-laws, they can try starting with short visits and doing activities that both parties enjoy. Finding common ground and learning more about each other can help build a stronger bond between the two.
There also may come a time when there’s nothing that can be done to fix the relationship between a spouse and in-laws. In that case, all that’s left is to accept the way the in-laws are. Older people are less subject to change, and doing so can only cause tension and conflict. So instead, it might be a good idea to try to come to terms with their behavior and build a relationship that works for both sides. It’s okay to limit your time together, too, if it means that a person’s well-being is being prioritized.
The original poster shared more details about the whole situation in the comments
Most commenters were on the husband’s side
Saying that he absolutely shouldn’t consider his BIL’s demands
