Comment: Picture the scene: your mum falls prey to the dubious charms of an ageing businessman, who has only got eyes for her assets. He pawns your toys to pay for the wedding, halves your pocket money, moves his own kids in upstairs and then announces he's taking her to Florida every bloody summer - for work. It's not easy to take. But could you stop loving your mum?
So, how does a fan feel when the first fruits of the surreal Old Trafford boardroom takeover are leaked out? Ticket prices to rise; an annual transfer budget to match Wigan's; and in the detail, an annual match in Tampa against a Florida Mickey Mouse XI. It's a predictable turning of the screw under Malcolm Glazer's new regime, if not quite as Dr Evil as some feared. (Manchester United tickets have long been more affordable than most - a fact rarely commented on by those who enjoy the prawn sandwich gags - and will still end up cheaper than Chelsea's.)
But it gets no easier to accept that he's allowed - allowed! - to put his sticky paws all over our club.
For starters, he doesn't even have the money! Look at that nice Roman Abramovich - so rich, loving, and no ginger beard ... Our takeover is the kind of tragi-comedy that smacks of Manchester City.
Of course, no one who ever shone a light in the boardroom would be thrilled by what they found there. Who was the chief executive last year? Peter Kenyon. How long-term proprietors Louis and Martin Edwards came to own the club, as documented by Michael Crick, is not a story that would warm many Manchester hearts either. Football can be a filthy industry; from the agents who cream money from all involved, the bungs, the bunglers, the corrupt. At least - allow me to clutch at straws - you feel a hard-headed American may not indulge the assorted rule-benders who populate the game.
It's grim; but it's been grimmer. Remember the long barren years of the 1970s and 80s, whose lowlights included United playing to half-empty stadiums as another season petered out just 16 years ago; Garry Birtles; crowd violence; Ralph Milne; Denis Law's back-heel; and relegation. And even now, far from all United's discontent comes down to the takeover: as fanzine Red Issue pointed out, Ferguson's tactical switch means they're no longer the exciting attacking unit they traditionally were. And don't let us get started on Rio.
The Glazer era may prove a particularly unpleasant twist to the story; but those who say that United fans could simply turn their back on the club don't sound much like football fans. It's not an affair you can break off, a habit to kick, no matter what suitor turns up on the doorstep. There might be an alternative if the hardcore supporters who are looking to create a new, "true" FC United succeed. Until then, the sad truth is that when Keane and co run out on 3 o'clock on Saturday or 2pm on Sunday or whenever the TV cash dictates, however irrational it may be, however much it may be contributing to a predatory American's coffers, you can't ignore your team. And, unfortunately, bad uncle Malcolm will know that too.
