Maryam* had always wanted to adopt a child. “I used to watch a sitcom called Punky Brewster about a child who was adopted and I loved it to bits,” she says. So when she and her husband Samir* found they had fertility issues, they decided not to pursue treatment and to adopt a child instead.
But there was another big factor in their decision: faith. Maryam and Samir are practising Muslims. “The whole ethos of Islamic scripture talks about protecting and looking after the orphan child, the vulnerable child,” says Maryam. “That, for us, was our direction. There were children who needed homes, and we needed a family. It didn’t matter to us whether our family was biological or not.”
Author, theologian, social entrepreneur and speaker Dr Krish Kandiah is the founder of Home for Good, a charity working to inspire, equip and resource people to play their part in caring for vulnerable children. It’s Christian in ethos but Kandiah stresses that you don’t have to be a Christian to give them a call. He’s also the father of seven children – four adopted and three birth children.
“When I became a Christian, I realised that even though I’d messed up a bunch of stuff in my life, God was willing to take me as I was,” he says. “He didn’t care about the past. And that experience of welcome, grace and hospitality was such an important foundation in my life. What would it mean for a child who isn’t able to live with their family and doesn’t know a sense of security and belonging?”
And if you’re a member of a faith community, you’re in a perfect position to give a child from a similar faith and cultural background a home, says Hanif Dudhwala, secretary of the Muslim Welfare Institute (MWI). It runs a local project in Blackburn, Lancashire, aimed at raising awareness about adoption in Muslim communities, encouraging Muslims to consider adoption, and helping them through the adoption process and beyond.
“If the child is Muslim, then the best place is a Muslim household,” says Dudhwala. “The child will get the opportunity to learn about their religion and understand its teachings. It makes life a lot easier as these children grow up, in terms of faith, language and identity.”
Adopting when you have a faith can have its challenges. Maryam and Samir knew that some sections of the Muslim community felt that adoption was haram: forbidden. They explored the reasons for this belief, and discovered it had its roots in particular verses of the Qur’an and an incident in the prophet’s life when a distinction was made between a biological child and your adopted child.
“We looked at the text, and to us it was clear it was about protecting the child’s biological lineage and heritage,” says Maryam. “The child needs to know they have a family beyond their adoptive family. And that is completely in line with the British norms and framework for adoption. There is so much emphasis on talking to the child about their birth mother and father, and their background.” Scholars who specialise in theological differences in adoption attend every MWI event, and are happy to discuss these questions, says Dudhwala.
Of course, being of a particular faith doesn’t mean you can only adopt children from that faith and many children being adopted will come from a family where no faith was observed. Alice and Paul recently adopted a child with Down’s syndrome as a direct result of Home for Good’s outreach and awareness work. They will raise their child within their own faith, like any other parent. When they experienced fertility issues, the couple found that they weren’t eligible for any NHS fertility investigations or treatment.
When Alice suggested that they adopt a child, Paul was initially unsure. “Being Christians – we’re both ministers in the Salvation Army – we decided to wait a while and pray about it,” says Alice. “I read Krish Kandiah’s book Home for Good and one day in the car, me and Paul listened to one of his sermons. Krish was saying the Bible makes it clear that as Christians we have a responsibility to look after children in the care system, and if we have the capacity to do that, why aren’t we? When it finished, Paul said: ‘Well, after that, I have no good reason for us not to do it.’ And it has been the most wonderful experience.”
Even with the support of a faith community, adoption is challenging. “We shouldn’t rose-tint it,” emphasises Kandiah. “Around 70% of children in the care system will have experienced some kind of trauma. Dealing with that can be lifelong, and we need to be honest about that.
“If you have the space in your house, if you have the space in your heart, there is nothing more rewarding. You can shape and change not just the life of one person, but a whole generation.”
*Not real names
If you are interested in finding out more about adoption, contact First4Adoption on 0300 222 0022 or visit first4adoption.org.uk/youcanadopt
