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The Guardian - UK
The Guardian - UK
Sport
John Ashdown

Making excuses about a flooded washing machine

'Can I bring my towel?'
'Can I bring my towel?' Photograph: Tom Jenkins

WILL THIS APPOINTMENT WASH IN SOCIEDAD?

It was a tense moment in the Real Sociedad media department. The statement was almost ready, but one thorny issue remained – how to get “Woop! Our new manager used to manage Manchester United!” into his potted career history without mentioning the whole massive-failure-and-booted-out-after-10-months thing. This would take cunning, care, a dainty dance through the dictionary.

What they came up with was perfect, a glossing over of David Moyes’ inglorious reign at Old Trafford of which Dulux, Crown, Johnstone’s and B&Q’s own brand would be proud: “… Moyes accepted the challenge of taking over from [Lord Ferg] in the Manchester United job. Just months into the post, his side faced Real Sociedad in the group stage of [Big Cup]. He remained at the helm until April of this year.” Beautiful. You get the gravitas of “[Lord Ferg]”, “Manchester United”, “[Big Cup]”, that little nod to how it all really went with “challenge”, then that entirely-accurate-but-not-telling-quite-the-whole-story final sentence: “He remained at the helm until April of this year.” Yes he did. Can’t argue with that. Well played, Real Socieded. Well played.

But the Moyes managerial CV is nothing of which to be ashamed, quite the contrary. There’s plenty there to suggest that Sociedad have pulled off a coup the size of that inhabited by Foghorn Leghorn by bagging the three-time Premier League manager of the year. And it smacks of a great move for Moyes himself, with Steve McClaren’s career-saving spell at Twente the obvious script to follow (though it should be remembered that Schteve then had a pretty dismal time with Wolfsburg and Nottingham Forest before turning things around again at Derby County).

Raking in around €2m a season, Moyes has become the highest-paid coach in Real Sociedad’s history, but he’s not the first to swap the English leagues for the cobbled streets and pintxos of San Sebastián. John Aldridge was the club’s first non-Basque player and early 90s goal-of-the-season mainstay Dalian Atkinson had a spell there, as did moustachioed midfield maestro Kevin Richardson. John Toshack and Harry Lowe have sat in the dugout. And even if it does all go horribly wrong, it can’t possibly go as wrong as it did for Chris Coleman, the last British manager at the club. But despite a miserable league campaign, making excuses about a flooded washing machine and admitting he had been “out until late in a place where I should not have been” during his eight-month reign, he still managed to later bag the plum job of manager of Wal … oh.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“As soon as he presented his autobiography in a snobby restaurant, I knew hard times were ahead. Louis van Gaal was not always easy-care. He wanted to ‘Vangaalise’ our club. He has a huge ego” – Bayern chairman Karl-Heinz Rummenigge on his high-maintenance former coach.

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A BIGGER PLUG THAN THE ONE FROM THE BFG’S BATH

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FIVER LETTERS

“Someone urgently needs to explain the workings of the FA Cup to Wimbledon boss Neal Ardley before next Tuesday’s FA Cup replay with York: ‘… both teams showed moments of real quality and I think a point was a fair result in the end’” – Andrew Hodkin.

“I feel comparing Radamel Falcao’s knee-knack to a run-down 1987 Ford Escort (yesterday’s Bits and Bobs) is ill advised. As a once proud owner of the mentioned vehicle, I can confirm that putting ice on the car never once stopped it erupting. A kick to the wheel arch, however, more often than not sorted it out. Perhaps Chris Smalling would be up for a job during his suspension?” – Phil Hurst.

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• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: Andrew Hodkin, who wins a copy of Football Manager 2015, courtesy of the very kind people at Football Manager Towers. We’ve got more copies to give away this month, so if you haven’t been lucky thus far, keep trying.

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BITS AND BOBS

Having refused to host the 2015 Africa Cup of Nations due to fears over the spread of Ebola, Morocco have been disqualified from the tournament. “Time is running away from us so you will find out [replacement hosts] within a few days,” cheered a Caf spokesman.

Fresh from watching Yaya Sanogo come on ahead of him at Swansea, Lukas Podolski admits he is unhappy with his lot at Arsenal. “I am not happy with the situation at the moment,” he howled, sticking the boot into the Jersey Shore star’s ongoing eviction case while he was on the rampage. Asked about leaving during the summer, Podolski replied solemnly: “There were no offers.”

Convicted rapist Ched Evans is set to train with former club Sheffield United later this week.

FC Zurich have initiated legal proceedings after their midfielder Gilles Yapi-Yapo suffered serious injuries in an horrific tackle from Aarau’s Sandro Wieser. “There was absolutely no intent on my part,” claimed Wieser, whose challenge left the Ivorian with torn anterior and interior cruciate ligaments, serious cartilage damage, meniscus tear, a torn kneecap and deep bruising in his thigh. “I don’t wish that on anyone.”

And, speaking at the screening of ‘HUNGRY TO WIN’, a Japanese animation created by Nissin, Manchester United’s Official Global Noodle Partner, it says here, Marouane Fellaini has moaned that he was made a scapegoat for David Moyes’s Old Trafford failure. “Last season was tough. There was a new manager and it was difficult for all the players,” he sobbed into his instant ramen snack.

RECOMMENDED VIEWING

Coming soon … Football Weekly Live in London.

STILL WANT MORE?

How did Gary Mackay become the Republic o’Ireland’s favourite Scotland player? Paul Doyle has the skinny.

From José Fonte to Mame Biram Diouf: 10 unsung Premier League heroes so far this season, as chosen by Andy Hunter.

David Moyes has the tools and the raw material to restore Real Sociedad to where they belong, reckons Sid Lowe.

Amy Lawrence explains why Arsenal and Spurs fans have every right to question their clubs.

This week’s edition of The Gallery stars Chris Smalling as 90s indie songstress Shirley Manson. That is all.

Oh, and if it’s your thing, you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace.

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THAT WAS JET, YOU MONSTERS

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