Unable to contain his emotions, ex-Sydney Roosters captain John Tobin has broken down in tears while detailing his relief at being spared a second prison stint for drug offences.
From feeling like he had "one foot in the grave" after serving eight and a half years behind bars for his role in multiple attempts to import a total of 1.4 tonnes of cocaine into Australia by boat, Tobin can finally see light at the end of the tunnel.
Justice Rebecca Treston said sending the 66-year-old back to jail would be "crushing" for the Roosters' 1980 grand final lock.
He was instead hit with a suspended sentence, the verdict leaving Tobin choked up and counting his lucky stars.
The one-time City Firsts representative knows he could well have been returned to prison after pleading guilty to nine offences, including supplying drugs and possessing the equivalent of 134 grams of cocaine contained in 220g of substance.
"Mate, I don't want to go back to jail," he told AAP.
"The judge gave me a pretty good go. She looked at me and thought, 'Well, do I want to put this bloke back in jail or do I not? What's the benefit of putting him back in jail for 12 months?'
"But there is a benefit. Just say, 'Well, mate, f***ing wake up to yourself'.
"It makes me emotional because I just don't want to go through that again."
Carrying a note pad with a full page of names of people he "owes", including dozens of former players and teammates, Tobin said it hit like a sledgehammer when the judge at the Brisbane Supreme Court declared he was "free to go".
"Because of all the people that helped, you just can't thank them enough. It just breaks my heart," he said of the mates who picked up his motel bills while he waited six months to face the music in January for the decade-old charges.
"I made a silly mistake - actually it wasn't a mistake. It was a calculated move on my behalf.
"Trying to chase money, and I did have money at one stage and I lost it all, but then I did something very stupid and I regret it.
"But now I'd rather have no money and a lot of friends. It's a trade-off."
On the lookout for employment and believing his future lies in the church, the ex-electrician and garbo said he'd "do anything" while promising to stay out of trouble.
"You live and learn," said Tobin, who was captured by police at gunpoint for his first offence on Christmas Day 2016.
"I know a lot of crooks but they're on that side of the fence and, see, I'm on this side.
"So you can always be friendly with everyone, but just don't mix in that circle again."
Weighing in around 95kg in his playing days, Tobin is down to 64kg after almost a decade of stress and incarceration.
But he still "feels good" after reconnecting with family following his release last July from various prison stays, including the first three and a half years in maximum security at Long Bay.
"My sister's a bit crook, but she's OK. She's just had a brain operation," Tobin said.
"She had Parkinson's and they tapped into her brain so that's released all the pressure off her brain, so she can do things now and I see a bit of her.
"My (two) boys, I'm still trying to get in contact with. One's going pretty good. The other one's not going real good. He just doesn't return my calls."
Asked for his message to today's young NRL stars enjoying $600,000-a-year salaries, Tobin doubted "they'd listen to an old bloke".
"But if they did, I'd say just be careful. Invest, don't squander it," he said.
"The first thing you do is buy a house and look after your family. That's the first thing you do.
"Then the rest, once you've got that, you're right.
"But who am I to give advice? I've got one son going great, I've got another son going f***ing terrible.
"But these rugby league players, these kids, they're a different breed. They can earn a squillion a year, I don't care, good luck to them.
"But just don't squander it. And definitely don't f*** up like I did."
