With much fanfare, I am pleased to unveil the Lost in Showbiz Christmas Gift Guide. This year it runs to a single amazing item: a new celebrity, from me to you. He is the incoming Thai king, and he was pictured in May arriving with his poodle-toting wife at an airport. His now-majesty was drenched in fake tattoos and wearing a vanishingly small white crop top. I was in heaven at the expression of the two officials standing to attention to him on the Tarmac, which came with a thought bubble reading “I’m saluting what now?”
For those instantly moved to establish a shrine to King Maha Vajiralongkorn somewhere in their home, there is a wealth of other gems out there. You may care to add the 2007 footage of his third wife topless and in a thong at the party to celebrate the birthday of his pet poodle Fufu. Fufu is sadly no longer with us, but during his life rose to the rank of air chief marshal in the Royal Thai Air Force. According to the then US ambassador to Thailand, Fufu appeared at one official function dressed in black tie, with paw mitts. He hopped on to the table at the state banquet and drank from various water glasses, including that of the ambassador.
Of course, it is a sadness that Fufu isn’t now in charge of the secret police or something, but the new king has nonetheless made an eye-catching start. A promptly launched investigation into the BBC’s local language service for a profile it ran of Vajiralongkorn has already seen online access to the article blocked by the Thai authorities. Shortly afterwards, 10 police officers visited the corporation’s Bangkok bureau, only to find it closed. According to reports, they drank some of the Yakult delivery they found on the doorstep, but will doubtless be back to discuss the matter more fully – and in better intestinal heath than ever.
In the meantime, his majesty is formally recognised as a person of interest to this column’s inquiries, and we look forward to featuring his eccentricities many times in the year ahead.
