Age: 797.
Not to be confused with: Either Shawn Carter, Dwayne Carter, or Carter Ruck.
Appearance: Old, crinkled and written all over.
Ozzy Osbourne? Not quite. We're talking Latin inscriptions, not tattoos.
Some sort of document, then? Yep. The Magna Carta was the 61-clause agreement that King John's barons made him sign in 1215. By putting his name to it, John agreed to curtail some of his powers, and grant more rights to his subjects.
Up the revolution! Well, sort of. He went back on it almost immediately. But much of it was later reinstated, and it has inspired countless constitutions through the ages, and was one of the first documents to enshrine the freedom of the individual.
Am I an idiot if I don't know what it means? What - freedom?
No, Magna Carta. Ah, yes. But you're not alone.
No? No. David Cameron didn't know either.
Where the hell has he been? Oh, only the most expensive schools in the world.
And more recently? On the David Letterman show, the US equivalent of Parkinson. Letterman gave him a mock citizenship test. Embarrassingly, Cameron knew neither who wrote Rule Britannia (it was James Thomson who wrote the words and Thomas Arne the music), nor the meaning of Magna Carta.
Ouch. As Cameron himself joked: "I have ended my career on your show tonight."
Anyway. What does it mean? Well, you could translate it as the "Big Map". But "Great Charter" probably sounds better.
And what does it chart? Everything from fish traps (which it banned) to the right to a fair trial, and the concept of no taxation without representation.
How much of it is still enshrined in English law? Just three clauses. But some crazies think the whole thing still stands.
Really? Yep. Police recently asked Pembrokeshire businessman Doug Jones to take a breathalyser test. He refused, citing the Magna Carta - which he said allowed him to opt out of all subsequent statute law.
Do many people agree with him? A few. They call themselves Freemen on the Land, and they say they can only be governed by rules they consent to. It's a great excuse for not paying your council tax.
Do say: "Let freedom reign!"
Don't say: "Doesn't Ozzy have a Latin tattoo on his thigh?"
