In the past few years, there are two formulae which I have grown to know only too well. One of these is, of course, the quadratic formula. However, though it may or may not have claimed my blood, sweat and tears, I have grown to love it. After all, it has a wholesome purpose.
Yet, the second of these formulas is not so wholesome. It was not derived to advance our mathematical knowledge, nor, I believe, does it benefit the school children of the world. I speak, of course, of the formula used by authors like Cassandra Clare and Holly Black to write the trash they call novels. The same tired equation, beaten to death by these mercenary authors, who care little about the quality of their words or the effects of their messages. This is the formula which produces bestsellers, for it is condoned by the publishers of the world and entire generations are being weaned on it.
Therefore, I can assure you that this 'Magisterium' series will be a roaring success. It's exactly like every other children's fantasy book, and something which is no surprise coming from Cassandra Clare - it is very similar to Harry Potter. Now, Harry Potter is a legacy. It has no comparison. So, what Black and Clare think they're doing, creating a magical school with the main characters consisting of two boys and a girl, I don't know. And the similarities only begin at those points, because from strange professors to magical gates, I feel like I'm reading a poorly written tribute to Harry Potter. Of course, with Clare steering the helm, we shouldn't be surprised – her dubious past involving plagiarism of the Harry Potter series, and sketchy fan fictions mean she's earned herself quite the reputation.
I suppose I should tell you what the book is about. Frankly, I don't want to. It's a waste of your time and mine, but The Iron Trial is about a boy who is sent to magic school against his will. He makes new friends and discovers secrets about his past – the story itself is centred on a vaguely described history of a magical war. The 'Enemy', who is, in fact, the enemy, is trying to kill everyone and he must be stopped. Etc, etc, etc. Callum Hunt is a vapid protagonist, who has been raised by a protective father and is terrified of what lies within the walls of the Magisterium. He is one of those repulsive figures of children's literature ('literature') who makes a number of tedious wisecracks in strange situations. When Master Rufus brings him and his friends to a room with sand in it, he jokes 'I'm guessing you need help fortifying your sand castle?'. Oh, Call, you witty thing, you.
I suppose I should clarify that this book is for children. Written for children by children. Sorry, I take it back, I don't want to insult the mental intellect of children. Anyway, this may explain some of vacuous writing and the scrappy plot. While I believe that children deserve a quality of writing which transcends the rubbish I've just had to wade through, many may disagree.
Now that all of that is out of my system, I shall talk about the redeeming factor of this book. 'It' is actually a she and she's called Tamara and she is just wonderful. A fantastic sidekick, with character depth and a genuine back story, her loyalty and punk attitude make for a fantastic female role model. With her, Clare and Black have demonstrated that the glory of one good character can shine a light in even the darkest of places.
Nevertheless, the book is constantly collapsing into itself, caving under its own problems. Clare is known for her intricate backstories and spidery plots, yet she seems to have locked her talent away for this book. Black's Spiderwick Chronicles are hugely successful – I don't know what went wrong when she sat down with Clare to begin this novel. In fact, that could be the tagline of this novel – 'I don't know what went wrong'.
• Buy this book at the Guardian Bookshop.
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