MAFS UK: Tears, rage and 'divvy's' but who had the best honeymoon?
Tonight was the night we got a bit of spice, and came from none other than the "divvy" who I'm convinced is meant to be on Geordie Shore.
Nikita and Ant were enjoying their honeymoon in Mexico until Nikita asked one too many times if her boobs looked good.
"It's a bit annoying." Ant told the confession cam and boy did it kick-off.
But first, let's head over to our couples who the producers wish were as dramatic and entertaining as Nikita.
"Bob does not shut up," Megan told the confession cam about her new hubby.
So what the experts can learn from this is always factor in their astrological compatibility.
Meanwhile Morag and Luke got through a whole morning without Morag crying. Unreal.
What wasn't unreal though was the lack of sizzle in their relationship.
"Luke is growing on me but as for spark. I'm not quite there yet." She's so close to walking off the show I can feel it.
And for the couple I already love, Daniel and Matt, they woke up together snug as two bugs who were chuffed with their wedding night.
"I never kiss and tell." Matt smugly grinned. While Daniel asked the confession cam if he had any love bites.
Cue the gasps from all the prudes.
Alright, twist my arm. I'll tell you what happened with Nikita and Ant.
Nikita said she was joking when she asked for compliments to which Ant was like I don't think you are. It went back and forward for a bit and before you knew it Nikita was storming off calling Ant a 'nacka' – I have no idea what it means but it's an insult I may have to adopt into my vocab.
If you thought it ended with that, holy moly do I have news for you.
Back at their hotel room Ant audaciously said, "I think you genuinely think I'm checking you out and I'm not." That was a lie according to Nikita because he clearly looked at her boobs on their wedding night. When she flashed him.
Things went 0 to 100 unbelievably quick, Nikita threw her cup, she called Ant a "divvy" and a "freak" and he said "You've lost it".
Separate rooms were ordered.
What was it the experts said about these two? Ant would ground Nikita?
Morag and Luke had a much calmer discussion about their feelings but it took me a while to tune in as they drank champagne out of sauvignon blanc wine glasses?
Was the budget not big enough for proper champagne glasses?
"I'm not sure if you even like me," Morag told Luke who tried desperately to reassure her he did. "There's going slow and then there's being a snail." She told him but what she really wanted to say was HOLD MY HAND GOD DAM IT.
So they made a pact to do something if they want to, eg. hold hands.
Megan and Bob took a dancing lesson and Bob felt a little hot and heavy afterwards while Megan most certainly got the ick. Been there done that sweetie.
"A dance class is a very intimate thing and I just hope he doesn't take it the wrong way and think it's going to leak into our day-to-day life," My eyes rolled back into my head when Megan said that.
It's not the energy Bob, the experts, the producers and I are looking for.
After a night apart Nikita and Ant had the chance to calm down and finally, sat down to talk like adults. So they bonded ever so slightly over death and losing someone they loved. Aww.
Megan and Bob had a hard conversation where Megan literally friend-zoned him. Ouch, that hurt more than Morag taking a swig of booze at the alter. "It's important for me that we take a step back from the more romantic side." Bob handled it like a true gent but obvi his heart was crushed.
"My mind's just a little scrambled at the moment just trying to process what she just said."
Me too, Bob. Who explained this experiment to Megan? Because they did it wrong.
This is not a place to make friends, honey, it's a place to find love, you know the thing with kissing, touching and absolutely no friend-zoning?
Daniel and Matt had a romantic dinner on the beach where Matt opened up to Daniel, "I feel so ready to be open to love again." And you know what Daniel said?
Cut. Cut. Cut. I need a do-over. The script was very clear, act like a giggly high schooler in love and say omg me too.
Morag and Luke had breakfast and surprisingly there were no more tears from Morag, but she did pull on her mean girl pants and tell Luke he isn't being manly enough for her. He's giving cheeky and funny, but she needs sexual.
"I just want you to be a bit more manly and a bit more romantic." Said the woman who has only gone and insulted her insecure husband the whole time she's known him.
Poor insecure Luke may have cried but he isn't a quitter, so he pulled together a romantic dinner for two and turned the tables. Your turn to cry now Morag.
"I was bang out of order." She said wiping her tears but it didn't stop her from taking him shopping the next day to make him change his look. New day, new way to insult Luke I suppose.
Megan and Bob had a difficult morning, mainly because Megan looked super relieved and stoked after friend-zoning, Bob.
"I'm just going to give her time, let her take the lead and hopefully she will fall in love with me." Bob told the confession cam.
And we ended the episode with Morag crying because, well, why not.
Luke was so nice to her and it reminded her of her father.
End scene. My wine glass is empty.
Married at First Sight UK screens Tuesday-Friday, 7.30 pm on Three