By now, you will have heard the news that Madonna's attempt to annexe a second Malawian orphan has been thwarted by a local judge, who laid down quite a gauntlet with her declaration that non-Malawian residents can't just jet in and adopt a child.
Your move, Jolie.
In the meantime, it is fair to say that Lost in Showbiz was almost too shaken by the news to type anything about it. But 23 seconds or so ago, I lit up a God-scented candle, and slipped on one of the Kabbalah Centre's £17 red string bracelets that have been wrapped around Rachel's Tomb in Bethlehem and blessed (even though it says Made in China on the packet). My purpose? To ask the god of Kabbalah to give me some kind of sign as to why someone would use the word "no" to Madonna. Why?
Immediately, one of Madonna's own statements popped into my higher consciousness. It concerned the faintly unsympathetic critical reaction to Swept Away, the spellbinding cinematic outing that harnessed her own acting gifts, and the luminous directing talents of her former husband Guy Ritchie.
Asked why the movie had not been well-received, Madonna explained it was because of what Kabbalists call "evil eye". "There's a lot of evil eye on my relationship with my husband," she told a TV interviewer. "They weren't really criticising the movie. It was personal vendettas."
Had this same "evil eye" put paid to her mission to absorb little Mercy?
At that point I'm afraid I was interrupted by a person from Porlock, and the vision left me. No matter how much £4-a-bottle Kabbalah water I drink now, I'm afraid all the rest has passed away like the images on the surface of a stream into which a stone has been cast, but, alas! without the after restoration of the latter! If there are any Kabbalah elders reading this who could perhaps expand further on the business, they are invited to get in touch.
