So there’s to be more Love Island next year and, based on user feedback, another liveblog just like this. Who said 2017 was all bad news? Thanks for reading everyone and see you in 2018!
Good news Guardian readers!
Judging by the comments (I’m paraphrasing here, but they were basically “love the liveblog Tim – an interesting subject that you’ve brought to life with your incisive prose”) I know that everyone will be very sad that Love Island is now over. Which is why I am here to share some VERY GOOD NEWS with you from Press Association ...
LOVE ISLAND RECOMMISSIONED FOR FOURTH SERIES IN 2018
A new batch of singletons looking for romance will enter the Love Island villa when the hit reality show returns for a fourth series in 2018.
The show has been recommissioned for another run next year as the third series comes to an end. The seven-week show, in which young people pair up in a villa in Majorca, has been a ratings hit for ITV2. The channel says the show is its most successful format among 16-34s.
Paul Mortimer, head of digital channels and acquisitions said: “At ITV2, we couldn’t be more thrilled with how Love Island fever has gripped the nation. Now established as the perfect series to start the summer, we’re delighted to be bringing the show back for our young adult audience in 2018.”
Updated
Here comes the twist ...
Kem has been given the full prize money of £50,000 and now has to decide whether to share it with Amber or become a national pariah.
Unbelievably he decides to share it and make at least that amount 20 times over by doing PAs at student unions and aggy clubs in small towns for the next year.
Updated
And the winners are ... Kem and Amber!
Meaning that Camilla and Jamie are runners up – proving that one thing Jamie can’t do is win Love Island.
“My ‘eads gone!” says Kem, which originally appeared on the b-side to Weak Become Heroes.
Updated
BACK ON THE TV ... oh god Kem is still banging on about his love for Amber. Ten minutes to go and then you can all go home and pretend you never watched Love Island anyway.
Updated
You came for the Love Island liveblog, instead you got a delayed conversation on different platforms between me and the MP for Birmingham Yardley.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: Jess Phillips was referring to Dennis Skinner being a Big Brother fan and not Mike Skinner. Given that neither are true and this blog has become completely surreal, it probably doesn’t matter that I was too stupid to realise this at the time.
Dennis that is not Mike
— Jess Phillips (@jessphillips) July 24, 2017
Updated
I can’t hear Kem speak now without thinking it’s a massively disappointing Mike Skinner comeback single.
Not everyone agrees ...
@timjonze Skinner is more Big Brother
— Jess Phillips (@jessphillips) July 24, 2017
Updated
We are into climactic interview with the two finalists territory now.
“You’re an underwear model, you read books, you cook ... what can’t you do?” Caroline Flack asks Jamie. I have racked my brains and I don’t think there is anything in the history of human accomplishment that Flacko has left off her list there so fair play to the polymath.
Updated
This truly is the era of Trump, Brexit and ... Love Island?
I think that’s a bit harsh. It’s not like Trump would ever pie anyone off after they’d grafted so hard
Apparently I was so busy liveblogging tonight’s show that I actually missed this piece of televisual gold ...
Olivia dive gets funnier the more you watch it 😂😂😂 #loveisland pic.twitter.com/JMXLIULTkb
— lewis aitken (@lxwissss) July 24, 2017
Chris and Olivia come third!
My favourite remaining couple – based purely on entertainment value rather than the fact they might stay together beyond, say, 11.37pm tonight – are out. But third place ain’t bad for two people who can’t really stand the sight of each other. And who can forget that magic moment when Olivia asked Chris if he wanted to be her boyfriend, and when he said “yes” she got stroppy and said: “No, you have to ask me!”
Updated
Gabby and Marcel come fourth!
It’s sadly not to be for the Blazin’ Squad lothario and Gabby who hopefully loves him but possibly doesn’t really that much but maybe does even though the lie detector said she definitely didn’t.
At least this gives us all a chance to recap those first few weeks when Marcel tried to impress everyone by telling them he was once in Blazin’ Squad. For true Love Island stans this recalled the classic early series two days when Zara Holland kept telling anyone with ears that she didn’t want anyone to know that she was actually Miss Great Britain. Happy times.
Updated
My liveblog brings all the Labour MPs to the yard.
Loving the live blog
— Jess Phillips (@jessphillips) July 24, 2017
Come on Dennis Skinner, don’t be shy now ...
There is now a massive recap. In brief: Kem and Amber have been together since the first day, Marcel and Gabby have been together since almost the first day and Chris and Olivia have been rowing repeatedly since the first day. Only Camilla has been on what you might call “a journey”. She spent ages trying to convince herself that she was actually in love with some bonehead called Johnny, then when that went wrong she attracted a terrifyingly intense guy called Craig who was basically everything wrong with men in Love Island form. Finally she found love with Jamie who models pants and knew what The God Delusion was. Has a sweeter love story ever been told?
Updated
As the couples round off their poetry with some bad dancing, maybe it’s time to reflect on this year’s series? It’s been the surprise smash hit of the summer, but has it matched the previous two series? I’m not so sure ... there has been a distinct lack of backstabbing and bedhopping this time around. And where were the Zara Hollands and Jess Hayes to liven things up? I feel like the true Love Island heads will know what I mean. Still this is no time to delve into “it was better when it was more underground” purism ... Love Island is having it’s Different Class moment, so let’s all appreciate that.
Updated
Chris has written a poem for Olivia called ... Olivia.
“Our journey is ending, where another one begins. If I’m snowy, you’re Tin Tin”
Olivia is responding with a poem that is possibly too banal even for this liveblog. Luckily Jamie and Camilla are up next to talk about a humanitarian crisis somewhere ...
Updated
Kem’s poem for Amber is basically the worst Streets song of all time. Dry Your Eyes, Melt ...
Amber is so overcome with emotion she can’t get her one-syllable rhyming couplets out. It ends with “You’re basically the boy version of me, and I love you.” Make of that what you will.
Updated
It’s time for the love poems to be unveiled ...
Marcel tells Gabby: “There are so many small moments that mean so much to me,” before talking about their first kiss on the steps. He’s looking hot in his tuxedo. If it wasn’t for the fact that only heterosexual relationships seem to be allowed on Love Island, I would marry Marcel myself.
Gabby responds by dropping a Blazin’ Squad reference into hers.
Updated
I've read the Guardian for years AND i love Love Island AND i love the live updates on here. I'm clearly an anomaly...
There is no truth in the rumour that fringe23’s comment has been framed and proudly hung outside the Scott Room in the Guardian offices. The rumour that fringe23 is actually my mum is also definitely untrue.
What I’ve learned today: it’s really quite hard to liveblog a show that has been on for 20 minutes so far and the main thing that’s happened is four girls have chosen a dress to wear
The Islanders are all writing love poetry for their partners.
“You’ve got a big dick,” offers up Olivia. “... and nice eyes?”
Who said the spirit of Percy Bysshe Shelley was dead?
Judging by the screams in the crowd for each couple it seems Marcel and Gabby are favourites tonight, with Kem and Amber close behind. But that could possibly be down to the fact the crowd just cheered a bit louder each time a couple’s name was announced. According to the bookies, Kem and Amber are favourites. I was telling people to back Montana and Alex only two days ago at 16/1 and they were voted out last night so whatever you do with your money, don’t listen to me.
We are only ten minutes in and already I sense that my readers/fans are firmly behind this project
I was going to watch this and then suddenly remembered I am not a total and utter simpleton.
At the end of the day, you’re all watching, you’re all reading, you’re all voting using the official Love Island app, you’re all hoping Chris and Olivia win and one of them pies the other off for the grand prize. So stop pretending and just enjoy it ...
Updated
The Islanders are learning to tango by the poolside. Chris and Olivia are arguing. Kem is boasting that he has rhythm. Marcel is thrusting. You know, I really hope that this liveblog doesn’t coincide with the precise moment where I realise that Love Island is actually completely vacuous and not actually worthy of a liveblog, nor giving up every night of my life for the last month.
Updated
The Love Island final is go
We’re off with a bang. Or at least a banger ... Alison Limerick’s Where Love Lives. Now, this might be a bad time to point this out but ... the live final is normally the worst episode of Love Island. A load of liggers descend on the pool while Caroline Flack interviews the contestants. Not that I’ve seen every past series or anything like that.
To warm everyone up here’s some Guardian pieces on Love Island
Is it wrong to be watching Love Island? (Spoiler alert: no)
Love Island and the evolution of sex on reality TV (Spoiler alert: it got smuttier)
What can 12 horny men and women teach us about romance (Spoiler alert: nothing)
Can reality TV ever top Love Island? (Spoiler alert: no)
Should I be worried that I wrote two of those? (Spoiler alert: yes)
Updated
Love Island: The Final – follow it live!
So what was it that we all used to do before Love Island? How exactly did we spend each night of the week, if not watching a bunch of inexplicably ripped young men try and crack on with a variety of bikini-clad women? Perhaps we read Tolstoy, or pondered the big questions of theoretical physics, or maybe we simply met real life people for a beer. Whatever it was, it sounds boring, a complete waste of time in comparison. Because this year’s Love Island has undoubtedly been one of the TV smashes of the summer, and we are all going to feel its absence when it’s gone.
But it’s not over yet. We have one more episode to go – a whopping 95 minute special – before we wave goodbye. And in that time we get to see which of the remaining couples are deemed loved-up enough to scoop the £50,000 prize money. Will it be Kem and Amber who’ve (sort of) stuck together from the start, despite the fact their relationship began with Kem throwing a pillow at Amber because she admitted to once sleeping with more than one man in a night? Will it be Chris and Olivia who have spent most of their time in the villa hating each other yet seem inextricably bonded by their shared talent for saying “yeaaaahh” in a whiney manner? Will it be Camilla and Jamie, who have positioned themselves as the show’s Great Intellects on the grounds that they have both read at least one book and one of them cares about refugees? Or will it be Marcel and Gabby, who should really have been disqualified from entering on the grounds that at least one of them seems to be a nice, understanding and patient person?
One thing I can safely predict is that nobody cares who wins. We don’t watch Love Island for the winners! We watch it to see which attractive person gets pied, who’s the biggest melt and how contestants go about explaining to their parents why they had sex on live TV. Tonight’s grand finale starts on ITV2 from 9pm so join us then for the ride …
Updated
Trump's president, Love Island is a big hit and .... Brexit. 'They' will win if we let them.