It’s official: Romance is a thing of the past.
(As it seems are basic human manners.)
And if asked to pinpoint the moment romance was dealt a fatal blow, I think it would be this: Millie and Liam winning Love Island’s Spit the Roast.
Once upon a time singletons on the lookout for love would often pine for a good-old Rom Com-style meet cute, followed by the tried and tested favourites - flowers, chocolates and intimate meals for two.
Nowadays, Millie and Liam were thrilled to be celebrating their first day of official coupledom with a very different kind of intimate dining experience - one where they spat gravy and mashed vegetables into each other’s mouths, and redefined what we think of as a chicken breast.
For now, it’s not a dish served up in a scrumptious Sunday roast, but what Millie had after catching Liam’s cheap meat in her cleavage.
Of course, every Islander couple was playing the game, so why were Millie and Liam turning my stomach the most?
Because they seemed to find it all rather romantic. (Or Romant, as Toby said).
I don’t know which of Millie’s annoyingly-dimwit high-pitched remarks made me question the country’s education system more.....
1) Her exclamation before the challenge that she had no problem taking food from someone’s mouth. Delightful.
2) Or, this little exchange afterwards, as she and Liam snuggled in the beach hut, covered in roast dinner remnants.
Millie: “What is this green stuff?”
Liam: “Pesto”
Millie: “It looks like sick.”
I’m sure every Italian restaurant will be delighted to hear that, Millie. I’m also slightly concerned for her normal diet if she’s used to green basil vomit.
So how did love’s young dream then try to turn up the romance?
Well, Liam asked that all-important question that marks a big crossroads in any relationship. No, not whether she wanted to be his girlfriend, but would she shower with him when he’s all hot, sweaty and dirty after a day’s work? (I’m sure Romeo said the same thing to Juliet).
Of course Millie said yes, because she currently seems to agree with most things men say to her (she claimed to be independent and willing to stand up for what she believed in with one speed date and definitively non-confrontational in her next.)
The only moment I started to think the relationship might go deeper than high-pitched giggling and smooching over smoothies, was when Millie told Liam she wanted a “deep” conversation.
What did we get? Liam complimenting Millie on the size of her tongue.
It’s long apparently.
We did once see what felt like a real authentic moment. As Millie discussed living together in the outside world, there was the merest milli-second (pun intended), when the laconically-laidback Welshman dropped the bravado to expose the real, nervous, 21-year-old (yes, 21[ital]-year-old!) underneath. I don't know if he has a pet rabbit, but if he does, something in his eyes told me he'd be rehoming it, before he ever let her into his place.
Tonight “Lillie”, as I'll call them, got to go to the Hideaway for some alone time - and after a full night alone they might even know each other’s extremely personal .... favourite colour, day of the week, pizza topping and pet. Of course I have a sneaky feeling Millie’s might just be similar to Liam’s, if her past seeming eagerness-to-please is anything to go by.
Many critics have lambasted Love Island, claiming it corrupts young viewers by being too raunchy, not diverse enough and giving youngsters the wrong impression about body image.
Right or wrong is not for me to judge.
But I’d argue they also missed something important off the list: it also gives a bad impression about romance.
Older Millennials were brought up in a world without reality shows, where romance on screen was all about the likes of Dirty Dancing, Clueless, Legally Blonde, Pretty Woman, Jerry Maguire, The Notebook, and endless hours of pondering and angst on Dawson’s Creek.
Gen Z gets Essex-style lads and overly made-up girls grafting on each other and sharing sloppy seconds.
The rom-coms may have insisted on shoving a fantasy version of romance down our throats. But that’s so much better than some second-hand veg.
* Want the juicy secrets of this year's villa? Watch Islander Shannon Singh on why she would have turned down all the dull boys, plus her verdict on who'll go all the way (in both senses)
Watch now facebook.com/DailyMirror/Videos
