The Love Is Blind universe continues to expand at a terrifying rate. In the last five years, we’ve had Love Is Blind, the OG version (aka the one that got us all through lockdown). We’ve had Love Is Blind Habibi, aka the Arabic version.
Love Is Blinds have proliferated across the world like amorous mushrooms, including, of course, Love Is Blind UK, which is back to frazzle our brains once more.
The first season was, hosts Emma and Matt Willis tell us (with rigor mortis smiles), a chance to see if “the UK could fall in love, blind.”
Spoiler alert: we can’t. But that won’t stop the Netflix gods from trying again, and again, and again, all in the name of sweet viewing figures. Because, apparently, there’s nothing we love more than watching people be emotionally abusive to each other in the name of romance. Or, more accurately, fame.
At least the contestants seem nice this time around. They’re obviously all gorgeous, but they’re also mostly older than the early 20-somethings we get served in the American version of the show – late 20s, early 30s. They appear to have their heads screwed on.
Mostly. There is a lot of talk about ‘vibes’. In the case of human design coach (what is that? Nobody knows) Patrick, there’s also a lot of talk about spleens, because he apparently uses his to guide him through his life. At one point, he talks down to his romantic interest Aanu about the importance of not being humble, which goes down like a lead balloon.
“My spleen is silent,” he adds afterwards. “I don’t know what it’s really saying right now. You have to wait for it to come.” Maybe it’s saying this whole thing was a bad idea.
If that’s not a spleen-y spoiler in itself, soon enough, the romance gives way to mess. Make-up artist Katisha finds herself in a love triangle with Demola and Javen, while faux-humble ‘gaming entrepreneur’ Kieran finds himself torn between Sophie and fitness instructor Megan.
In the pods, empty platitudes abound too as people try desperately to connect. “I love the way you talk about your grandma,” Katisha says at one point. “Thank you for sharing,” is a much-repeated line. Horrors – the words “love is blind” even pop up at one point during a proposal.
It all goes towards making the show feel artificial in the extreme. From the pods to the blatant ways in which the producers pull the contestants’ strings, setting up a bit of drama here, a bit of awkward conversation there, the wheels are creaking, and they are on show.
It’s all rather tired, at this point. Even if the words ‘sight unseen’ aren’t enough to make a shiver run down your spine, the sound of the hammy emotional music swelling as contestants are forced to open up about their personal traumas might be.
Why are we still watching this stuff? Is it to make us feel better about our own life choices? Thanks to the show’s refusal, or inability, to change up its own formula, watching it feels like Groundhog Day. Specifically, the bit where Bill Murray’s character gets slapped on repeat by Andie MacDowell.
Plus, despite its empty professions of love, it never gets any easier watching contestants being blatantly manipulated into believing a happy ever after waits at the end of the rainbow. The result, of course, is usually tears and heartbreak.
Love Is Blind UK Season 2 is streaming now on Netflix
