Her story: Louisa Scott, business director, 43
It seems like forever ago. Back in the early 90s, when I was 20 and Jez was 24, he was running a student union nightclub and I was at uni. I remember him downing some tequila at a house party and asking my best friend for my number. He called the house phone a few days later. I was attracted to his gregariousness. He taught me to DJ – we played student nights and balls. I did chart and indie stuff, he did more oldies and disco. He proposed shortly after I graduated. Both our families were quite traditional and we had an old-fashioned idea of how things should be. Looking back, we were just too young.
We both grew up within the relationship and realised that we were growing apart. I wanted a bit more experience of life. The idea that I’d met my life partner when I was 20 felt limiting. I tried to talk to him about it and he’d just say: “Oh it will be fine, things will level out.” Over the years we realised they wouldn’t. The decision to separate was mutual and it took us a long time because we really loved each other – and love each other. It was an emotional transition to think I wasn’t the only person he’d be telling everything to, especially because we were running – and still run – two businesses together.
Even through the difficult times we were friends, and there were stormy, shouty times. It wasn’t hard dealing with new partners. I started seeing my now husband within a year of the separation, and Jez and his family all came to my second wedding. Jez dated for a while – I think he had fun doing that – and a couple of years after he met Rachel, who is lovely.
We now have our own lives but I could never imagine not having Jez in my life. I completely understand why people make a fresh start, but when you’ve spent so much of your life with someone and have liked them a lot, it’s sad to lose all that. Just because some aspects don’t work doesn’t mean that it all doesn’t have to.
His story: Jez John, business owner, 46
We had been together for four years when we decided to get married. We were both sure it was the right thing to do. We had a small wedding at Marylebone registry office and it was just a lovely day.
Everything was fine for a while. Louisa took over her dad’s music business and I started a web-design business and we ran both of them together. After a while things began to change. We were both quite young when we got together and we just started growing apart. There wasn’t any infidelity. As we got older, we decided that perhaps we weren’t as suited as we thought. We didn’t communicate well – probably more on my side than Louisa’s. Like a lot of men I tend to not express myself well; I bottle things up. I tried to brush issues under the carpet. I hoped things would get better on their own.
Even when we eventually separated it started as a trial. We obviously cared for each other and had a great friendship, but it wasn’t a romantic relationship anymore.
The actual divorce was a few years later. Because it was an entirely amicable separation there wasn’t any rush. But once she’d been in another relationship for a while and had got pregnant, I thought, this is crazy, we are married and she’s having a baby, we need to get this sorted out. The divorce came through about four days before she gave birth.
We still work together. It wasn’t really an option to split the businesses up, both practically and personally. Sometimes our business relationship can be affected by our previous personal relationship, but no more than any two friends working together. We are incredibly close friends. She asked me to be godfather to her daughter and we get on with each other’s partners. It’s an unusual separation. We recognised that just because our marriage didn’t work, it didn’t mean our friendship couldn’t continue.
Louisa and Jez run digital agency Webstars and music company Make My Day
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