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Daily Mirror
Entertainment
Kyle O'Sullivan

Louis Theroux's porn movie appearance had disastrous end due to 'wood problem'

Louis Theroux almost had an extremely different career after being offered a job as a porn star.

While starting up as at the BBC, the documentary maker wanted to fully immerse himself in America's pornography industry, specifically the lesser known subculture of male performers.

Louis discovered that in a business that mainly revolves around images of naked women, it's actually the men that have a far tougher job performing in front of the cameras.

There is the pressure of getting the 'money shot' and if a man doesn't orgasm he doesn't get paid and is then replaced by a 'stunt c*ck'.

But the hardest part of the job is having sex with someone you may not have met before on cue and 'keeping' wood, which Louis discovered in a humiliating fashion on one of his Weird Weekends.

While attempting to join a porn agency run by top dog Jim South, Louis strips fully naked so they can have a photo of his penis on file.

After taking his clothes off alone in a room, Louis then pokes his round the door to tell the camerman he is "ready".

Steve, from World Modelling, hurries into the room with his camera, but there is a bit of a problem for the anxious presenter.

Confessing there is an issue, Louis says: "Do you have a magazine? I’ve got a bit of a wood problem."

Assuring Louis that there is no pressure to be erect, Steve begins the shoot and Louis gets into character and starts pulling off some hunky poses.

When the wannabe porn star starts jiggling around, Steve warns: "Don't move like that, I'll get the wrong idea."

Louis is told that his photo did gain some interest over a couple of days, but he decides to take it away from the agency.

He even gets an offer to star in his own very provocative film by feisty 23-year-old director Rob Black, of Elegant Angels.

When Rob gets hold of Louis' naked photo, he starts laughing and cries: "Look at that penis!"

Louis reveals he is going by the stage name of Sir Lance A Lot and has all the necessary paperwork and clean HIV tests.

However, when Rob tells Louis he wants to toss him into a movie, he suddenly gets very cold feet.

Despite being told he can make it in a very competitive industry, Louis insist it "won't fly on BBC2".

Despite being offered $250, Louis says: "There’s no way I can do it. It's just not....something in Britain people want to se.

"I really do appreciate the offer, seriously. I'm honoured and flattered."

The producer tells Louis that if he is fired from the BBC then the door is open, so that day still may be ahead of us.

Louis does get a small part in an all-male movie called Snowbound, which is shot on location in the mountains, as the mysterious Ranger.

Troy Halston, who is straight, tells Louis he struggled with his sexual identity after getting paid to do scenes with other men.

He says: "It took awhile to get used to the idea of being with a man. You go through a period of time where you think i need the money so I'll do the work.

"And then you do it a few times and you’re like, 'If I'm doing the work what’s wrong with me?' You have a great back and forth in your head."

Troy and Louis role play a scene (BBC)

Louis told that pay for a feature film starts at $230 to $350, with some making $500, but girls always make more than guys.

"Girls can fake it. Guys can't. You don't cum you don't get paid," says Steve from World Modelling.

Louis discovers that if a man cannot orgasm to finish the scene then they are replaced - with even the greatest bedroom studs struggling under the lights.

Steve explains: "They hire a ’stunt cock’, which is a guy who comes in and just pops. Usually you give that stunt guy anywhere from 50 to 100 dollars for fixing that scene up.

"I started out a long time ago and I needed many a stunt cock to fill in for me. It's not a very good feeling. you don't even feel like a man.

"It's a long walk home or to the car when you need a guy to fill in for you. You don't feel like you can do your job as a man."

Louis spends time with rising star JJ Michaels (BBC)

With fewer working male performers than astronauts, it seemed apt that Louis was in the control room of a space mission that descended into a strange encounter of the sexual kind.

After spending a few days getting to know JJ Michaels, who recently left the air force, Louis joined the rising star on set.

However, JJ is feeling nervous and doesn't rise to the occasion while performing with Jonni Black, while her husband surprisingly watches on from the sidelines.

They are forced to take a cut in filming, but when the director shouts "action" they are forced to halt again.

JJ struggles to perform his sex scene in front of a large crew (BBC)

After they take yet another break, delaying filming, Jonni explains: "He's nervous cause he knows the pressure is on him now."

They get into position again for a different scene involving JJ having sex with a different woman alongside another couple, but the same issue arises.

Eventually he hits the jackpot, but the angry director slams the "woodless wonder".

Louis gets very close to the main action (BBC)

JJ confesses: "I didn’t do as good as I'd like. Just so many people. He's this big director, you get nervous, it's hard to work.

"So many people and so choppy. They didn't wait saying are you ready. F*** I'm not ready. Once they do that it makes it ten times more stress."

A major concern in the industry at the time in 1998 was the rise in cases of HIV - with treatment not on the same level as it is today.

Claiming he had a "death wish", JJ claims he was not worried about having unprotected sex despite two cases in his industry in just a week.

He admits: "I don't think about it so I assume it's safe. I don't go home and worry everday. Otherwise you’d just quit. It's either this or be stuck in military again and I'd rather do this."

Paul Thomas speaks to Louis during the middle of an intimate scene (BBC)

While on the set of Debbie Does Dallas, male porn star John Dough says people don't take his work seriously.

On why some can't succeed, John explains: "They get afraid. A lot of men just don’t have what it takes.

"They think you’re supposed to make love, make some beautiful love. That's not what you’re doing here."

Paul Thomas, a porn actor turned director, claims it can be the best job in the world, but their are issues.

"I was a performer for a long time. I think while you’re in the flow it is the best job in the world," says Paul.

"To be paid hundreds even thousands of dollars to f*** beautiful women in movies that people love, when your support group is working, it's the best job in the world.

"But a lot of dynamics can break down. You’re not always in the place that you want to do it."

*Louis Theroux's Weird Weekends are on BBC and Netflix

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