OH ADRIÁN! OH ADRIÁN!
As everyone in football knows, there is a fine line between declaring a public holiday after a home draw with West Brom and, on the other hand, losing the absolute run of oneself. Jürgen Klopp has always tried to strike the right balance with his celebrations, even when holding a plastic bottle in front of his groin and squeezing it like it were a beast in need of a throttling. So it was a solemn-faced Liverpool manager who revealed that his team have potentially been plunged into a goalkeeping crisis because one fan got too carried away after Liverpool’s Super Pot victory over Chelsea on Wednesday.
If you read Thursday’s Fiver (a long shot – Fiver Ed), you’ll know Liverpool’s hero in Turkey was Adrián, whose save in the penalty shootout not only clinched a pretty bauble for Klopp’s team but also crowned a heart-warming personal story, given that the Spanish stopper had been an unemployed stopper just a week before. But now he could be out of work again, at least when Liverpool take on Southampton on Saturday, because of ankle-knack inflicted by a pitch invader. “When we were all together a supporter jumped on us,” snarled Klopp of Wednesday’s post-match fiasco. “He was chased by some security guys, slipped and kicked his ankle. Crazy. Yesterday it was swollen. I saw on the plane that it is not cool. Adrián wants to play [against Southampton]. I think he can but this is still a serious thing and we have to look at it.”
With Alisson already sidelined by injury and Liverpool’s third-choice keeper, Caoimhin Kelleher, still recuperating from wrist-ouch, Southampton fans began wondering whether Saturday’s opponents might have to hastily recall Loris Karius from his loan exile at Besiktas. But that option is not available to Klopp owing to the metaphorical inclusion of a so-called “under no circumstances” clause in the loan arrangement. So if Adrián does not recover pronto, Klopp could find himself having to entrust Liverpool’s goalkeeping gloves to Andy Lonergan, a 35-year-old whose last first-team action was for Rochdale in March; 71-year-old club ambassador Ray Clemence; or Weird Uncle Fiver, a degenerate of indeterminable age and five chins.
Contemplating that selection dilemma did not prevent Klopp from calling on Uefa authorities to do more to tackle the growing number of pitch-invaders in football. “We have the Adrián incident which is serious for us but if you ask anyone involved in football if you find it funny that someone runs on the pitch, pants down, half-naked, no-one would say, ‘Oh yes, that is really nice’,” stormed Klopp, as Weird Uncle Fiver plonked his phone into his drink. “Before the season at the Premier League meeting they told us not to get involved with anything like that. But we are all human beings and if they get close you do not know the person and for us it is not funny. It is still happening. It looks like it is happening a bit more often. You see a man with his d1ck swinging around. Who wants to see that?” The question is understood to have been rhetorical.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“All I ask is for respect and kindness” – our Serie A correspondent’s name has changed. Nicky Bandini explains why here.
FIVER LETTERS
“If it is 32 Red’s Wayne Rooney’s Derby County then how are you going to cope next year when my team, AFC Wimbledon, change the ground sponsorship each match to reflect investment by fans to help pay for it as well as granting naming rights to things like beer pumps, dugouts and urinals. ‘AFC Wimbledon manager Wally Downes left the Sid and Doris Bonkers home dugout at halftime to speak to his players in the Southfields Garden Services changing room at the Celebrating Little Charlie Griggs’ 12th Birthday Stadium. Before returning for there second half he visited the Charlie Koppel room for a Pete Winkelman’” – Alex Folkes.
“The theme of Thursday’s Fiver reminded me of an experience I had at an ice hockey game about 15 years ago. It’s fairly commonplace in the UK for any players more proficient with fists than sticks to be given the nickname Rocky. When one game stopped for one such player to trade blows with a willing recipient, many of the fans around me began chanting his nickname repeatedly; I waited for everything to die down and shouted “ADRIAN!” at the top of my voice, because I thought it would be funny. It was, but it turned out I was the only person who thought so, as no one else got the reference. Still, if anyone knows about misreading the room and drawing attention to itself through saying something ill-advised, it’s the Fiver’” – Ed Taylor (and 1,056 others).
“Rocky actually loses the fight in the first, eponymous movie where he’s shouting ‘Adrian’ at the end. He wins the fight in Rocky II with Adrian watching on TV. But, when writing about the Champions League final and Super Cup (or whatever it’s called), conflating a memorable start with a less noteworthy sequel seems appropriate” – Christopher Smith.
“Wait just a minute. So now even a letter about Noble Francis’ letter wins letter o’ the day? How about a letter about a letter about a letter from Noble Francis?” – Bernie Clifton (still not that one.)
“That goal by young Anderson Diaz, dribbling through seven – seven! – opponents certainly was worth applause. Less so the video clip as it did not name and shame the hapless opponent who defended like damp tissue.. But those yellow kits ... they seemed familiar somehow. Who could it be? Ah” – Hubert O’Hearn.
Today’s winner of our letter o’the day prize is … Alex Folkes, who wins a copy of 50 Years of Shoot! We have more to give away, so get scribbling.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
The Women’s Big Cup tombola has happened and it pitted Arsenal against Fiorentina, Manchester City against Lugano of Switzerland, while Juventus face Barcelona. Full details on the round of 32 here.
Lyon unsurprisingly dominate Uefa’s Women’s Player of the Year gong shortlist, with Lucy Bronze one of the three players from the Women’s Big Cup holders filling out the final shortlist.
Ole Gunnar Solskjær insists Alexis Sánchez will play ‘a lot of games’ once fit. “We expect him to come good at this club,” he blah blah blah-ed.
Wolves eased into the final qualifying round of Big Vase, shellacking Pyunik 4-0 (8-0 agg) and will now play Torino. The Pope’s Newc O’Rangers will face Legia Warsaw while the Queen’s Celtic take on AIK of Stockholm.
QPR have rejected a claim by Spanish club AD Nervión that one of their U18 players spat in the face of an opponent, provoking the racist abuse that several Rangers players complained about.
And new galáctico Eden Hazard’s La Liga debut has been put on hold after generic muscle-gah! ruled him out of Real Madrid’s opener at Celta Vigo.
STILL WANT MORE?
Ten things you might want to look out for at this weekend’s top flight matches are highlighted here.
How will La Liga pan out this season after a summer of cash-splashing? Sid Lowe reads the runes in his pre-season preview.
Max Rushden watched the new documentary series about Nasty Leeds, and as a result knows a lot more about Kalvin Philips’s gran. About Marcelo Bielsa, not so much …
Liverpool’s much-vaunted defence hasn’t been all that so far this term, reckons Andy Hunter.
Chelsea’s youth policy shows some promise, if it can be tempered with realism at the club, writes Eni Aluko.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
