Oct. 10--I admire and adore the millennials. Obviously, it's because I am one.
That doesn't mean that we millennials, ages 18 to 34, can't do better. Below is a pledge all of us should take publicly, as per a bar mitzvah or a wedding, signifying a ceremonial crossing into adulthood.
Not that I recommend adulthood. But like broken hearts or hip replacements, we all eventually have one.
"The Millennial Pledge":
--I am entitled to nothing.
--I will show up on time.
--I will not shun comedians or college commencement speakers just because I don't agree with them.
--Just once, I will try driving without texting.
--Just once, I will try eating without texting.
--I will not consider the cilantro on my taco to be a vegetable.
--I will learn to laugh at everything, especially myself.
--When meeting someone for the first time, I will always look him or her in the eye.
--I will not burn bridges.
--I will not burn overpasses.
--Each year, I will pen at least one thank-you note, using what's left of my cursive writing skills.
--I will be resourceful, creative and authentic.
--I will vote. Always.
--I will (mostly) swear off smut.
--I will not be smut.
--I will learn all my siblings' names (even the younger ones).
--I will not spend an entire weekend exploring my own mouth with a coffee straw.
--I will learn to pick my battles.
--When I don't get my way, I will learn to roll with it.
--I will not go on a job interview in shorts and flip-flops, even if "this job is so beneath me."
--Nothing is beneath me.
--I promise not to misuse the word "literally." As in "I am literally dying of hunger" or "You are literally being so rude."
--If my first-born is a boy, I promise not to name him Uber.
--When I finally move out of my parents' home, I will not take all their vodka and half their towels.
--I will not use crowd-funding to pay for my first car.
--If I can't afford car insurance, I won't spend $20 a day on coffee.
--I won't give only gift cards for Christmas.
--I won't sneak texts during funerals even if it's "totally boring and the bereaved is just lying there anyway."
--At holiday dinners, I will leave my phone in my room.
--All those T-shirts? I will wash them.
--I will not use pepper spray to season a burrito.
--I will not run up my credit cards.
--I will save 10% of everything I earn.
--If I hate my new job, I will not fake my own death. I will give a full two weeks' notice like grown-ups usually do.
--I will force myself to finally make a phone call.
--In high school or college, I will get a part-time job. Even if it's beneath me.
--Again, nothing is beneath me.
--Well, most things are not beneath me.
--I promise not to text anything of life-changing significance: a marriage proposal, a divorce decree, a positive result.
--When I get my way, I will be grateful and not assume that I will always get my way.
--I will always remember Aristotle's quote: "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
--At least once a week, I will hug my mom the way I hug my friends every single time I see them.
--I will do nice things just because.
--I will live each day.
--I will sleep each night.
--I am entitled to nothing but that.
chris.erskine@latimes.com
MORE FROM THE MIDDLE AGES:
Cutting strangers some slack (but not getting any when it comes to college loans)
How to keep your young son from becoming an old man
As a new school year begins, this dad laments a culture where 'too soon is never soon enough'
