As lockdown began wearing thin, Edgeworth's Gary Lawless found himself living his own version of Planet of the Apes.
Over to you, Gary.
The coronavirus emergency is a serious threat to be overcome by heeding the advice of health authorities and working together to end it as soon as possible.
However, this self isolation lark is starting to get to me a little.
As I work from home, I must admit that my situation is not as bad as some. However, my leisure hours are suffering somewhat and I miss the interaction with others.
I miss most the regular sessions around "The Table of Knowledge" with my mates. [The table exists on Gary's property at Seahampton]
These informal meetings of minds is where we share our thoughts on a variety of subjects, ranging from whose dog is the best at chasing the odd rabbit or hare that pops up around the paddock, to world affairs and the state of nations.
This is where we would devise strategies and solutions to fix the country's woes and plan the path to political success for the benefit of all. Pretty heady stuff I know, but bear in mind that discussion on all subjects is tempered with liberal quantities of our favourite social beverage. So needless to say, arguments do tend to occur as these sessions progress.
So without this regular outlet for my thoughts and arguments, I have turned to other solutions to try and satisfy my need for serious discussion.
At first, I found myself discussing the news and world affairs at length with my two dogs. However their attention span leaves a lot to be desired, and they only seemed to recognise a few words like "treat" and "walk". They wouldn't smile, let alone laugh, at my clever jokes.
Then I remembered the article in Topics about the guy who started talking to his kitchen appliances and thought I'd give that a try. No luck there either, but I did get a rather pitiable look from my wife.
Then one evening, I was watching a documentary on orangutans with my dogs, pointing out to them a particular ape who was deftly using a saw to cut a piece of wood. I let them know that if they didn't lift their game and make themselves useful around the place like that orangutan, they'd get their room and board reviewed.
I then thought that these intelligent and amiable orangutans would make excellent companions around the table of knowledge in this time of crisis. So I let my imagination roam, pressed the mute button on the TV and held a few meaningful conversations with my new friends. Of course, these exchanges were a bit one-sided and I received some particularly puzzled looks from my dogs, but at least these hairy orange simians laughed at my jokes.
When my wife asked why I was apparently talking to myself, I described to her my latest self-isolation remedy. She agreed that my new imaginary friends were bound to be a great comfort to me, as we were both so similar in habits and behavior that we were more than likely blood-related.
With that comment still ringing in my ears, I reluctantly turned off the TV and resumed consultation with my canine companions. At least they were real. While they may not be able to use a saw or hammer, and they don't laugh at my jokes, they at least wag their tail in appreciation of my wit and intelligent conversation.
However, they know nothing about politics and world events. So sadly, I'm back to talking to myself until things get back to normal.
